mixed signals??

[shorty20]

ok, so as alot of you have read, I've been seeing a new guy latley. If you haven't been keeping up with my posts, in short, we dated a year and a half ago, but broke up because of committment issues that I had to work through. We've recently started dating again (about a month and a half) and it's been great so far. He's an awesome guy. I'm just getting so many mixed signals from him. First he wants to take it slow. Then he's kissing me and cuddling me. Then he wants to take it slow again! I'm just getting so confused and I don't know if it's him wanting to take his time so I don't get scared and run again, or if he's the one thats scared. Today I was so frusterated and fed up I was about to just say forget it. I don't know if I have a right to be this irritated with the whole situation, but here's what happened. I didn't hear from him all weekend, accept for a 10 min. phone call on sunday night. THis wouldn't be so bad, accept that the weekends are really the only chance I would have to see him, because he works all week and has baseball. So, he got online today while I was at work, and said hi, and asked me if I wanted to hang at his place for a while. I said fine, I had some errands to run, but I'd see him for a bit afterwards. I then suggested that he come to buffalo wild wings with my friends and I (it's a tuesday ritual for us) but he declined. Now, my friends are important to me, and I want my guy and my friends to get along, but every invitation I've given him to come out with us, he's turned down. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with the last and only time he came out with me and my best friend danielle at the time (a year and a half ago) and lets just say they wern't too fond of each other... I don't know if he still holds onto that and is weary of meeting my friends now, or if it's something else. So I was just like fine, whatever, I'll just call you when I'm on my way. He asked if I was mad, and I said "no, it's just that my friends want to meet you. They wonder why you never come around, and I want you to meet them too. I think you'd like them." then, against my better judgment, i went into how he was so confusing and un-readable, and how he just needed to tell me what he wanted so I wouldn't have to keep guesing. his response? he said "do you want to go swimming on saturday" WHAT?? i'm sitting here, pouring my heart out trying ot have a discussion and all he can think about is swimming! So i just tried to let it go, count to ten... but by then it was really bugging me, so I said "nice dodge, by the way." he asked what i meant and i said " I asked you what you wanted from me, and all you said was do you want to go swimming!" and u know what he said?? he said "oh, lol." thats it. nothing more. So, I was so frusterated, i just said "well obviously i'm not going to get anyting out of you, so I"ll just call u in a bit." When I called him an hour later, he said that his friend had just called and needed him to help him move something, so he wasn't going to be home. He said he'd call me in a half hour when he knew for sure, and if his friend didn't need him he wanted to see me. No call. I went to my friends, and we went to buffalo wild wings. THen I get a call at like 8:30 and he said "sorry, i fell asleep" and i understand that because he works all the time. When he's not working, he's doing baseball stuff. The thing is, he said he wanted a girlfriend, and even though we're not there yet, I thought this was what we were working towards, but I don't feel like he's putting forth any effort. Am I crazy, or is this guy full of mixed signals? Should I just forget about him and move on, or give it time? The thing is, this is my second chance with this guy. He's an awesome person and I don't want to miss out on a great relationship just because I was too impatient to wait, but I also don't want to waste my time. I tried to talk about it today, but it was like he was dodging the question almost. I just don't know what to think. He's so sweet when we're together, but when we're apart it's like he dosen't even think. at all!!! any advice, insight, or anything would be greatly appreciated. Sorry so long. Thanx again guys!

[btbt]

All you've said here, you have to say to him. He's dodged your question, but he can't be left off the hook. Seems that's he not a very emotionall expressive guy. You can bring this up with him, but in the end, you can't get him to talk. If this is uncharacteristic behavior, perhaps you can talk things through to a mutual understanding. If he's like this all the time (dodging serious questions), then maybe he is not as awesome as you think (since his lack of communication bothers you). Focus less on holding on to the situation (the chance to start up again with this guy and the idea you have of him in your head) and focus more on what is actually going on -- is he making you happy this time around?

[shorty20]

he does make me happy. It's just that when we first started dating, I'd told him he needed to go slow. Last time we dated, I had committment issues, and he tried to move really fast, having me meet family after only two weeks of dating (i'm talking aunts, uncles, cousins... the whole family) and I got scared. I can't help but think he's holding back because of that... because I told him he needed to go slow, but not this slow. Not so slow that sometimes, I can't figure out if we're together or if we're just buddies... now, he treats me like he's real into me when we're together, giving me back rubs and stuff like that, but he's real weird about kissing me.... he told me when we first started talking that he wanted a girlfriend, but that everyone he met and liked always said he was too busy... True, he is VERY busy.... my only chances to get to see him would be possibly tuesday/thursday nights before or after his game, depending on what time his games start, and then the weekends... but that's fine with me... I like it that way because then I don't forget about my friends... i still get girl time.... but I just don't see much effort on his part... like it would be different if he called me more often, the thing is he's just not a real emotional guy.. never has been.... for a while he was starting to open up,and talk to me, but then he shut down again. Just when I'm about to give up and throw the towl in because I just can't read him no matter how hard i try, he'll do something sweet like call to say goodnight, or something like that and then i'm like... well maybe he is just busy..... he says that sometimes his weeks go in a blurr... because he works from like 7 in the morning till about 11 at night every monday and wednesday so his days kinda blurr together and he dosen't always remember everything... i dunno... maybe i'm just being too hard on him.... I just don't know anymore

[btbt]

shorty, you're not being too hard on him; you're being too hard for himself. It sounds like you are taking the responsibliy of everything that happens. All the stuff you said in your posts, you should discuss with him. It's as cliched as it gets, but TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. If this is going to be a successful relationship, he's got to be able to handle that.

 

I've just had an epiphany reading your posts. There are so many books out there saying, women should act this way, that way, etc. to land and keep a guy, but how about just being open and honest? There's got to be someone out there who will love and cherish that!

[btbt]

One more thing -- I'm dealing with my own non-emotionally expressive guy, and from the advice I'm receiving, I've decided that #1 - that can't be an excuse if it isn't meeting your expectations, and #2 - if you are willing to deal with it anyway, then you have to be ready for these kinds of confusing situations.