Loyalty, friendship and treason

[frozenblaze]

Well i'm quite sure that topic has been discussed before but then I want to have more opinions than I already have on the subject. It happenned to me before and I suspect it is happenning again. Personally I consider that guys tend to be more loyal toward their friends and I think that going out with the ex of one of your friend is quite disloyal (especially when that guy is still in love with his ex) and even if the opportunity could present itself to me (in fact I did had this opportunity) I believe it is much more important to refuse so that no one gets hurt in the process. For now I have a vast majority of people around me who do think the same ; that a "friend" should never date your ex(es) and those who do not think that are mostly untrustworthy indivuals in the eyes of everyone. It happenned to me 4 years ago with my ex-ex and then she is still engaged to that old friend, but then I still hold a grudge against him and in fact he told her that he never was this close to me so we're even on this. But then it is now happenning to me with another friend who's kinda honest and sincere usually... I consider it normal for me not to consider him a friend if he does that for most other people around me think that no one should ever do that, especially when they know that you still have feelings for that person... Well any thougts on this topic ?

[heloladies21]

Me personally i feel the same way as you. Friends need to respect their friends, otherwise they're not real friends.

[Jinx]

I'm not a guy but I will give my general outlook on friends and relationships nonetheless.

 

One shouldn't date the ex of another friend. Brings on feelings of not only disrespect and lack of compassion for the one who lost the ex, but loosens the friendship's strings of course. Not only that, but what is to say the individual won't do onto you, as they did to your friend?

 

I look at the situation as not only is is bad for you and your friend circle, but lurking disaster for you if they do the same. Doesn't always turn out that way but it most definitely can.

 

If a person feels compelled to date the ex of a friend, they shouldn't really expect the friend who lost out to offer any sympathy or tips on the situation should it go sour. Not only this, but the friendship isn't written in stone either. Jealousy, Anger, Sadness, Depression - Any of that puts on the strain between people. There are so many times I've seen in action and overheard people speak Person A got with Person B, Person B used to date Person C. A & B are having it rough, and C ditched them. I just don't understand why. . . Getting over something like that takes time, not only is the person grieving the relationship loss but also has their once friend stuck with the one that caused their pain, they're all stuck in a group trying to deal with one another and silent tension, and it has a tendency to get quite messy.

[SkyFire]

In my opinion, an ex is an ex. I wouldnt care if any of my friends dated my exes, because I know that an EX is called an ex for a reason.

 

I think it's foolish to hold grudges on someone and say it is treason because someone is dating your ex.

 

I never keep contact with any of my exes, exept when I run into some occasionally.

 

Like I said before, exes are called exes for a reason.

[frozenblaze]

Ok for now we are 3 for and 1 against this unwritten law... By the way thanks Jinx for taking time to answer it's important that girls give out their opinions too and beside I did not mean that this was a guy-only problem so your opinion is as good as ours...

[smallworld]

In college I noticed the "honor" code wasn't even a question amongst my guy friends, while my girlfriends tended to believe that "love conquers all" and ex's were fair game. Needless to say, I'm still friends with the guys.

[frozenblaze]

Well then the question would become is solidarity a manly thing ? I know some girls who would respect the "honor code" but then I also know some men who do not adhere to it. In fact the question would be : "Is it fair for someone to date the ex of one of his best friend, knowing that this person still has some feelings toward that ex". By that I mean that if I'd have gotten over her I would have no problem in her dating anyone, even a friend...