Happiness????? or Family?????

[Jai]

I guess this still pertains to my posting" I dont know what to do??? " but my question is if you truly love someone and they make you happier than you've ever been, but your family doesn't like them, do you chose family? (who by the way are extremley intrusive and way to opinionated) or the person that makes you feel like you are the only person on the face of this earth and so loved that when you look in there eyes you know that you dont ever wanna be without them. I love J with all of my heart and soul and I know he loves me just the same, and I know there is nothing I wouldnt do for him and no where I woudlnt go to prove it. I dont know what to do? Family? or the love of my life????

[reflectionlessmirror]

Follow your heart, go with your love. Explain to your family that there behavior is close minded and you shouldnt have to choose.

[avman]

Your family is always going to have an opinion about who you should be with and how you live your life. Thats their job . But at 25 you are the one who has to make the decision that is right for you, not them. If you know in your heart and mind that he is who you want to be with, then thats the way you should go.

[RayKay]

That will depend on a few factors..while ultimately it is your choice, and I would never let my family DETERMINE who I was with, I also know my family well enough to know that since they never DO object to anyone that if they did, they might have a very valid reason. How often are there cases where you see a person with a person who is very abusive (verbally, emotionally, whatever) and their entire family and all their friends see it BUT that person themselves? So sometimes our family DOES see things we don't..not necessarily abuse, but perhaps not the right intentions, or right feelings from one side.

 

I guess in my family, whom are very accepting of those I care about and treat them like family (and I have dated some people very different than I!), if they were to disapprove, I would probably think maybe there is something I did not see?

 

If your family has a history though of disapproving just to disapprove, then perhaps they are overreacting and no one would ever be "good enough" so you really have to use your own judgement and follow your heart in this case. Your family should not control your life, but having their support and love is also important if you are close to them...you are an adult, so your choices are yours to make, and your mistakes yours to make as well

 

Family is supposed to care about us and our choices, but you are also old enough to make your own decisions, even when they don't give their whole hearted support. Besides, once they get to know him as you do, maybe they will come around anyway

[Jai]

Thank you guys for your responses I guess I should make it clear that J is and never has been abusive in any way he is totally the opposite. He is kind, loving, thoughtful and always put me first on most occations lol. He has made me happier than I have ever been. Hes opened so many doors that I had closed long ago and I feel lost without him in my life( we have separated once before) and he tells me he is lost without me in his.....You know they say you just know when you've found the right one and I honestly think he is my one ....... I just wish my family could see it too....J has an odd sense of humour he has a smarta** type of humour that people tend to take the wrong way and he says things the way they are. Hes a straight up and out kinda guy and I love that about him. he calls it as he sees it. And I dont find there to be anything wrong with that cause thats what I want in my guy. Where as my family takes it the wrong way and because they dont know his sense of humour they find it offensive and disrespectful. Now he has apologised and told then he doesnt mean offense by what he says hes only joking and my mom especially doesnt seem to care. she doenst like him plain and simple ... but you know what I'm happy with him and he has never treated me badly we are two peas in a pod and we honestly have a soulmate connection. I can finish his sentences and know his looks like the back of my hand and he me. I just have a hard time not having the support of my family because we a close famil. However they do have the no one will be good enough for Jai attitude and they have only ever liked one of my bf and that particular one I couldnt stand lol go figure eh??

Please keep leaving responses it does help me make my decision with a little more clearity

Jai

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Let me tell you a story. My ex's mom REALLY didn't like me. It didn't matter what I did, she was incredibly hostile to me all the time. I don't know why, even my ex, who was in tears when she left me, said that no one treated her with more caring, love and respect than I treated her. But in the end she followed he mother's wishes and left me.

 

I still hear from her every once and a while now. Everytime, I treat her nice, kind and civil and everytime we finish talking she breaks down in tears and tells me what a mistake she made (I moved on, found someone else). She may admit to making a mistake, but I'm the kind of guy who when I'm with someone, I'm completely dedicated to that one person. I would never lead on my ex or see if there was something there while I'm with someone else. It's not fair to my ex, current girlfriend, or me. My ex realized how rare that is to find, too late. Trust me, you don't want other people to make your decisions in life only to find out that they were wrong. You'd never really forgive yourself.

 

You say that your guy treats you well and that you adore each other. You do know how rare it is to find someone you truly care for, right? Your family may not like your boyfriend but they aren't the one's who are dating him, you are. Regardless of what happens your family will always love you even if you go against their wishes and stay with your guy. Can you say the same if you turn you back on your guy? You'd be basically telling him that your parents are right to hate him if you did something like that. Follow your heart, you know what the right choice is.