i didn't follow her signals

[workaholic]

crapppppppppppppppppppp!!!

well, here's the background..I met a girl in a dance class. She was the one who started asking me the usual get-to-know you questions. Commented about my personality, e.t.c. Found out in the class introduction that she has a son, but didn't say whether she has a new man in her life. OK, so weeks pass and she's still comfortable around me, and (even though she's goofy) I get along with her.

This Tuesday, we had a conversation about a dance group that I practiced with and I was going to write down the url on her notebook. She THOUGHT I was writing down my email and wasn't surprised when she said it. I told her that I wasn't and I wrote down the url. (We were just getting to know each other and I really didn't want to come accross as a needy guy who was willing to rush things.)

 

So, then my mistake comes. On Thursday she's estatic because she was going to party all weekend long. I asked her why, she said because a friend would take of her son. She would have the whole house to herself. Now, this girl is attractive and I can't see WHY I didn't get her underlying message. The way she said it though, it wasn't in an invitational way. Example: "I've got the whole house to myself! she shouts. Then, during break she asks me "Would you like to come over?"

 

I didn't react at all, didn't ask for her telephone number or email once class was out. The reason is because I knew that if we had gone out it would have been in a group with 5 or more of her friends and 0 of my friends because I have yet to work on my own "wolfpack". I've gone to parties and it is common for girls to ask me "where's your buddies?".

I mean really guys, would you attend an event with the girl you like and she's cocooned by her friends but you are by yourself? That's like flying with only one wing.

 

I am very upset. It's a 3 day weekend and keep thinking that this might be the only chance in a while that the girl will have time for HERSELF..and possibly with another man, but it wouldn't be me because I was too wrapped up in rules and decorum to actually go ahead and pursue like a natural human male does to a natural human female.

I establish the rules because there have been times when I became interested in classmate females to the point where I wanted to hang out with them. But they would get weirded out about something and then suddenly it would be hard to talk to them in person or by the phone. Originally, she sees me as a guy who she could talk to. But then after I show interest in her, she starts to be on her guard and might say something like "we should just be friends." as a way to protect herself. Usually after that, we lose contact. So now I am trodding CAREFULLY and I'm becoming more patient. Maybe after the final party we could exchange numbers.

 

Still, her and I could've had fun this 4th of July weekend..freely. 8)

[smallworld]

Workaholic, I understand about "rules" protecting one from awkward moments, but from a girl's point of view, I think this girl probably feels pretty rejected by you at this point. Previously you mentioned she offered you her email address. You turned it down. Now she excitedly invites you to spend time with her and her friends and yet you turn her down again.

 

Most women do not initiate "dates." The fact that this One has reached out to you repeatedly says to me that she really likes you.

 

It seems to me if you like her, you need to break those rules wide open. Just have fun, be yourself, and get to know her. Love isn't a chess game after all! It's more of a tango...

[pchellak]

I think you should take some action soon if you like her. I agree that she got rejected and she is probably not going to try again. Why dont you just ask her out the next time you meet her. I have gone out with girls with only their friends and it has been pleasant experience as long as i'm confident. When a girl throws arond hints that she likes you, i think you should throw out your rules. Some women like to play games, this girl doesnt seem like one .

[heloladies21]

Well door looks wide open for you, but you're not walking through it. Stop playing by all these "rules" because you're making all the wrong choices if you wanna get with her. Going out with her and all of her friends is fine. You are a man and she would be impressed by you interacting with all of them and showing your personality.

 

Seriously dude, drop the front. I know you've been burnt in the past, been there myself, but we're guys and we need to soldier ahead. Otherwise you'll be spending plenty of nights alone and I would hate to see that...