For once I didn't follow my heart... Mistake?

[lillady898]

I broke up with my boyfriend today. I finally found the courage to put my head in front of my heart, but I don't like it. I've always followed my heart and my emotions, never waited for anything, always believed never to wait, that I should always take my chances, and only waste time thinking things through if there is new information to consider. But this is just totally not me. I didn't think I'd care so much, but I do.

 

He was so respectful and responsive. He looked hurt when I said maybe it wasn't meant to be. He nearly cried but held it back as always. When he was driving me home and I started getting emotional, he pulled over to give me a hug. It's like, he actually cared. I didn't think he would care. I guess I was wrong. I think he actually was intending on this being for the long haul. I'm upset it didn't work out. I don't want to be the type that doesn't follow my heart, because in my heart I know he cares and wants to work on our problems. He told me so when he was looking me in the eyes. It hurt.

 

I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him again. He's coming over after work at 3am until I leave for my 10-day trip. I don't know what to say. I just didn't think I'd care. I didn't think I loved him. Now I'm not so sure I made the right choice. I have never been a pushover until it's come to this. Relationships are so weird. They make people become a different person.

 

Any advice would be great...

 

(Read link removed if you wish to know my problems I was having with him.)[/i]

[plasticheartsandsmiles]

What were your reasons for breaking up with him?

 

In my own opinion, your heart knows what you REALLY want. Maybe your head tells you it wont work, but your head also doesnt have the passion to try. Your heart does. In my own experience, your head can really screw you up. You can convince yourself of ANYTHING if you try hard enough, whether it be true or not. I genuinely believe that your heart will NEVER lead you astray. You might get your feelings hurt, but I believe if you live by your heart you won't ever have any regrets. My ex was the type of guy who never followed his heart, only his head, and from what I hear the decisions he makes based on what his head tells him causes him unhappiness.

 

If you can reverse this damage, I would. Follow your heart and try to work on the problems you have with your ex. If your heart cares that much then I believe your love deserves another chance. Best of luck to you. Let me know what happens. Hope this helps.

[DN]

How much talking did you do to resolve your problems? And how did you talk about them - confrontationally or in a spirit of compromise?

[lady00]

From your other posts it sounded like you were quite unhappy in the relationship. Do you think that things will really change if you get back together? Especially since you have broken up more than once in the past? If the answer is yes then I'd say go for it but do yourself a favor, give the relationship one last chance if that's what you really want but no more than that otherwise you will just be clinging on to something because you love the guy not because you are right for each other, and often times, there is a big difference between the two.

 

Talk to him. See what happens. But remember your history with him and the problems...you need to find some way to make changes that you want in the relationship and have them last. Because a lot of times what will happen is someone will threaten to break up and the other person will change and compromise for a little while then go back to their same old ways. If you think that you can avoid that cycle then go for it.

[Hope75]

After all that he has put you through, not making the effort to see you, cheating on you, dumping you 3+ times, I don't see why you want to even consider trying with him again.

 

It seems every time you guys break up later he turns on "the switch" to try oh so hard to be nice to you and then once he has you it's back to you having to drive to see him and no time for you or consideration of your needs.

 

It's up to you but I see this as a wall you keep ramming into until you figure out that you're hurting yourself every time you do it, so maybe it's time to stop running into the wall??

[Meow18]

I agree with Hope75.

 

Hopefully you can relax on this trip you are going on, and you can think about everything and see if your decision to break things off was really the right decision.

 

I think that from your other post, it just seems like at this point he is taking you for granted. It's good for him to know that you don't appreciate it and that you aren't going to let him treat you like that. So maybe a break in the relationship right now could be best?

[stargirl5256]

In your other posts, you sounded like you needed some time to figure out what you REALLY want. It sounds like your doubts may simply stem from the connection you have your ex. It's almost impossible not to have feelings of insecurity and confusion when you're sorting out feelings/ ending a relationship with someone that you care about, but you must remember that you know what's best for you.

 

He sounds like he really cares about you - which is another factor that might make this difficult. My ex really wanted to work things out and he was wonderful to me- which made me feel VERY guilty about breaking things off- but I knew something didn't feel right and that I had to end things when I did for both our sakes. You may end up getting back together, lillady, but for right now, take the time to sort things out. I might suggest NC while on your 10day getaway so you have the space to figure this out. Good luck and hang in there!