Hasbian now pregnant and back in love with ex-girlfriend

[pinkbiologist]

Okay....here we go. I am 23, 3 months pregnant, living with the father, who loves me more than I deserve (and more than I love him), about to head back to school to get my PhD, and find myself horribly, mind-bogglingly thinking of my ex. I left her in December...had to "find myself" or some sh!t (typical Sagittarian), and found myself being irresponsible and grasping at people who would make me feel not so lonely. So now what? Suck it up and be a single mom? Go crawling back? I'm not in a position to comfortably do anything...everything is very complicated. If I could get a few thoughts, I'd offer more information...I really don't know what direction in which to go. Any thoughts are so very appreciated.

[kskm]

Ok, well I wouldn't ever reccomend crawling back to anyone. I think that it would be easier being a single mother and happy then fighting with your ex while still being a single mother-- just because you go back doesn't mean that they claim responsibility.

[sweet single]

I was in a similar situation. First of all, at this point your hormones will make you think and feel all sorts of crazy things. Not a good time to make any kind of new major decision.

Second. If you have a secure situation with the baby's father you might want to seriously stay put for now. I don't know what kind of resources you have (family, money), but things can change.

Third. I wanted to leave my bf but was pretty sick with morning sickness so I thought "as soon as I have my son, we are out of here." Well there were complications, I had a c-section with complications to that, followed by more complications. I physicaly impaired for over a year. No way I could have taken care of my self not to mention my baby.

You never know what might happen, good or bad. Please take your time to decide and make sure you have a back up plan.

I wish you the very best of luck.

[Hope75]

What are your feelings towards the baby's father? You say he is a good man who treats you well?

 

Any way you'd be willing to get into counselling with him? You live with him and got pregnant by him, obviously something was there that made you want to move in with him, he is a parent to this child too, do you think it's worth giving a real effort to keep it together?

 

This could be your hormones talking, or the fact that you realize how permanant becoming a parent is, and you want to run to something that was less complicated in your life...

 

Do you even know where this girl is anymore? Do you think she'd even want you back in her life after you dumped her, esp. with a child on the way?

 

Really weigh this out before you blow your chance with your bf by leaving. He's sticking around for your pregnancy and taking good care of you... that's a rare thing in this day and age.

 

Don't ruin this on some selfish whim you have to get back with an ex whom you split with so obviously that wasn't working out.

[pinkbiologist]

Okay, so more information is a must then.

 

I'm sure that in some way I am trying to go back to something less complicated and am overwhelmed by all of this sudden parenthood.

 

Re the ex, she does, in fact, want me back, pregnant or no...she's like that...and I don't want to hurt her if this is some stupid hormone-freakout. She'd do anything for me...she's just that good. And quite frankly, I'm certain the same problems would still be there...I left her because she was upset that I'm not the typical wife, wanting to cook and clean etc., I'm going back to school for my PhD, and it pissed her off...that said, me being pregnant probably files right in with perfect in her book, though she knows school is still a go.

 

Re the bf. SIGH....I know that I shouldn't take him for granted...especially being that he's one of the few good men left on this planet...it's just that it feels so dishonest for me to let him have all these ideas about the future and how we're going to be the Cleavers when I know it isn't going to be that way. I'm older than he is, by a couple of years, he's idealistic, has NO CLUE what raising children is like (I raised my little sister, so I'm not exactly a novice about anything but the pregnancy itself)...But to be completely honest with him would crush him. Oh, this is so stupid...wtf. I'm so glad though, I love this baby, already, more than anything in this world...I keep hoping something bigger than me is guiding my life...like maybe this was supposed to happen and now I won't wake up at 40 going "Well, hell, if I hadn't been so busy in the lab, I'd have really liked to have had a baby."

 

again, your thoughts are so appreciated, and I apologise if I'm whining at all. I know what a miracle this is...and how stupid it is to be concerned with myself right now...my thought is that it's better to figure this out before the baby is here. Right?

[Hope75]

Do you feel like you could talk to your bf about how you feel? Would you consider counseling with him?

 

I don't know how much of this is your hormones, and the fear of the new status you both have as expectant parents, and maybe in a big way this pushed you into a commitment with this man you didn't feel ready for.

 

However, you are both parents to this baby, and he has a right to be involved in the baby's life. (not that you have ever mentioned denying him that right).

 

How do you feel about your bf? Do you have any feelings what so ever for him?

 

You know you do not have to marry him, but I wonder if you are giving yourselves and your relationship a fair chance.

 

If you can, I highly suggest talking about your feelings with your bf, and seeing if the two of you can figure something out together.

 

Your ex sounds dissatisfied with the direction your life in headed in, and personally, I question any partner who would not support you wanting to go back to school and educate yourself further. How will that change, if you got back with her? You aren't willing to give up school and be a housefrou, is she willing to settle for a career mom?

 

Just some food for thought.

 

PS- Love your avatar! I loved Microbiology in college!

[Cadence308]

I didn't really feel like reading everyone's thoughts. I just wanted to say that you shouldn't crawl back to anyone or settle. Getting a Ph.D. in the sciences, you should be getting a salary plus a stipend and I wish you good luck because being a graduate student is a lot of hard work. I don't know how anyone could do it with a family or raising a newborn baby on their own. Maybe that is way you are feeling like you should crawl back to your ex. Oh, yeah, you will probably get health benefits as a graduate student in the sciences.

 

You don't have to be with someone to be happy, remember that. It sounds like you are contemplating on who you want to be with and you don't need to be with anyone.

 

GL!