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A few days ago, I ended it with a guy I'd been seeing for about 1/2 a year. For half of that time, I'd been starting to feel really suffocated. He was very verbally abusive (not physically... yet?) -- he was very very jealous of me, hated it when I talked with other guys, and often put me down with degrading comments excusing himself with 'i was JOKING!' when i fought back. I could go on about the crap that I had to deal with, but the bottom line is, I couldn't breathe, I had to get out, and so I told him that it's over.


The problem is, he is a coworker in the office I'm employed at and although I'm on vacation time breifly, I'll have to return soon and deal with him in the flesh. I would really like to just leave, but climbing the corporate ladder is hard, and I've already gotten a long way. And besides, why should I have to change my life because of a scumbag like him?


I'm also kind of scared of what he'll pull out of his bag of tricks... I haven't heard anything from him since then, but I'm just waiting for the storm. . . And I'm worried about the potential for physical violence - he is a big guy and can shoot a gun with perfect accuracy.


This is the first abusive relationship I've had before, others have been what I consider 'normal.' He was a rebound relationship, and I was kind of curious about dating what I perceived as a 'bad boy', but evidently it was hardly worth it... maybe a learning experience? But having your self-esteem bashed and a bit of fear that you could be physically harmed was not really what I bargained for...


In any case, I do consider myself to have a strong character, and I kick myself about being sucked into such a negative relationship, but what's in the past is over, and there is only today and the future left to deal with. But no matter how strong you are and if you've been verbally abused for a period of time, it can wear you down. So besides wondering how to deal with him in person on a professional level, I am wondering how to stay tough and strong?


Thanks so much for any advice or ideas anyone has. I appreciate it.

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i know exactly how you feel. I made the same mistake. Rebound relationship... verbally, mentally, sexually abussive... and I worked with him as well. I solved my problem by going to the manager (who fortunatley is my brother-in-law) and got the psycho boyfriend fired, but it seems as your circumstances aren't as fortunate. I would do my best to ignore him. My ex did the same thing though. I broke up with him, and he was calm and rational (to an extent) but then random texts would pop up and strange phone calls would occur at 3 in the morning... then I come out of the bathroom from taking a shower (in a towl!!) to find him sitting in my living room... waiting to go out to lunch with my father! What a freak. Anywayz, be so very carefull with this guy. If all else fails, get a restraining order and inform your boss of the situation. Good luck!

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