why is it that most women go for the agressive problems?

[brahman]

i asked my girl friend and she said that it is becuase they think they can fix us. but i said then why dont they try and fix a wimpy guy, then she said becuase their hopeless. i know i have anger issues, and IT PISSES ME OFF THAT I CANT DEAL WITH THEM!!1 ](*,)

 

but anyways, any takers?

[Mr Mister1]

It's because they have a low self esteem and don't feel like they deserve any better.

The "changing" thing is a load of rubbish, girls can't be that naiive.. can they?

[shes2smart]

The "changing" thing is a load of rubbish, girls can't be that naiive.. can they?

 

Ever hear the old saying, "A woman marries a man hoping he'll change, a man marries a woman hoping she won't change"?

 

If she (whoever "she" is) buys into all the romantic notions and fairy tales, she will tend to believe that if she loves "him" enough, she can change him.

 

People are who they are. To believe otherwise only sets one up for disappointment. Any meaningful, lasting change has to be motivated from within.

[brahman]

The "changing" thing is a load of rubbish, girls can't be that naiive.. can they?

 

 

People are who they are. To believe otherwise only sets one up for disappointment. Any meaningful, lasting change has to be motivated from within.

 

every relationship i have been in i have always come out a changed person, and it is mostly for the better. i do try to work on my problems, it is one of my philosophies in life, always make sure things are getting better and better.

 

but who knows, maybe most girls are naive

[Kookie]

Read The Third Chimpanzee. It's a "survival of the fittest" ordeal - wimpy guys will get eaten by a big lion.

[Jetta]

I did try try to fix a "whimpy guy" the 2nd time around. They don't fix either. He repressed his anger which turned into him being angry about something all the time. He would never tell me why he was angry I was supposed to figure it out, and he would take that anger out on my son.

[RayKay]

Important to remember..not all women do this.

 

It has never been my intention to change someone. Honestly if I felt like I "had to change" someone, that would be my clue to leave the relationship!

 

I go into relationships with people whom I accept as whom they ARE and respect them for whom they are. I will praise their accomplishments, and cry with them when they have troubles, but I do not try and change them.

 

Honestly, if you love someone, you will yourself want to be a better person, but not have a goal of changing them into what you believe is "better".

 

I think those who DO do this though, suffer low self esteem, or have an image that relationships are a romantic struggle (like in the movies).

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Kookie I am a strong believer in Darwin's evolution. However he has been taken overboard in those books as far as human interaction goes

[DropToZero]

Like RayKay said, not all girls are the same, but a guy that's just a little bit uncontrollable, and also looks like he could be changed or helped is considered a challenge....and I havent met a girl yet who doesn't like a challenge.

[shes2smart]

Like RayKay said, not all girls are the same, but a guy that's just a little bit uncontrollable, and also looks like he could be changed or helped is considered a challenge....and I havent met a girl yet who doesn't like a challenge.

 

The older I got, the less I liked/was attracted to guys who were "challenges".

 

My plate is full enough dealing with my own issues & personal growth. Trying to take over, direct, or choose someone else's is more work than I need.

 

If you're involved with someone and cannot accept them for who they are, where they are, as they are right now, you're bound to be disappointed or frustrated when they don't become the person you think they should be.

[DropToZero]

My plate is full enough dealing with my own issues & personal growth. Trying to take over, direct, or choose someone else's is more work than I need.

 

Haha I hear you, glad I don't need any help tho or need to be changed....or do I?...I don't know lol

[ShySoul]

If your trying to change someone then you are missing the whole point of what love and relationships are about. It's about loving and accepting someone the way they are. It's about giving each other support and in turn that support encourages the other to be the best he or she can be.

 

We can't change others, only they can change themselves. The most we can do is be there for them.

 

The so called "aggressive" guys give off the impression of needing the most help as women feel they can use there generally better skills of compassion, empathy, and sensitivity to calm them down. On the other hand, the so called "whimpy" guys generally already have those qualities and are close to having everything they need anyways. So why help someone who is almost perfect, when you can help the guys that obviously need it?

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Shy everybody changes a little to be in a healthy relationship. It's called adapting to fit the other persons needs and to fullfill our own.

 

compassion, empathy, and sensitivity -- where have you been? Every day millions of women often stab each other in the back over men, seek out men for social status, balk at the weak, reward the strong, and are so self-absorbed over their appearance and their own wants and vacant desires to give a crap about a man's unless he has made her love him.

Lesson, people everywhere can't be readily trusted.

[ShySoul]

Shy everybody changes a little to be in a healthy relationship. It's called adapting to fit the other persons needs and to fullfill our own.

 

But they do it of there own will, the other person isn't trying to make them change. My point was that the person shouldn't expect you to change or try to get you do. They should love the person as he or she is. If that person wishes to change something about him or herself, then it is their choice. You could say we adapt in some ways, but those are minor changes... spending money on a gift instead of that new jacket you want or taking her out when you would like to stay in and watch the game. You still say fundamentally the same person, if anything a better person.

 

compassion, empathy, and sensitivity -- where have you been

 

We've had this talk before. Yes, some are backstabbing, greedy, selfish, vain, arrogant, blah blah blah... Same can be said about men. But you tend to focus on the bad in people and say that because some people are like that, that everyone is too. You let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. I recognize that some are like that, and I'm alert enough to spot them. But I also see that far greater numbers are the compassionate , sensitive souls I talk about. Glass is half full, not half empty.

 

And even if most are selfish, doesn't mean we have to give in. Heroes don't accept the way the world is, they fight it.

[Kookie]

Kookie I am a strong believer in Darwin's evolution. However he has been taken overboard in those books as far as human interaction goes

 

Hahaha ... very true.

 

How about this as another POV: there is such a thing as gender roles based on our biological makeup. Women are lying when they say they want someone in touch with his feminine side - what we really want is someone respectful of our femininity. A guy that constantly wants to talk out life issues and express his emotions to me, makes me feel less feminine. I sense that I need to be impervious to world troubles so I can support his estrogen. A guy can be physically strong as an ox, but if the emotions are flowing like a fountain ... nah.

 

Of course, that doesn't mean I don't want a guy to express himself to me, just not all the time.

[brahman]

so you think weak guys should bite the bullet and start picking fights?

[ShySoul]

so you think weak guys should bite the bullet and start picking fights?

 

One, the only weak guys are the ones who give into what everyone expects them to be like based upon such gender roles instead of being themselves. Someone who expresses their emotions and talks things out instead of picking fight or being strong and stoic all the time is anything but weak, it takes a lot of strength to do that.

 

Two, we shouldn't pick fights. Try this: Never start a fight, but always finish one. Someone who goes around picking fights puts himself in unnecessary danger which could cause a women to worry about him when she shouldn't have to. Yet, if your in a situation where you are in a fight, you finish it. This shows confidence and the ability to stand up for himself. And preferably it should be peacefully through words. A real man sees that fighting is a waste of time and energy.

[Kookie]

so you think weak guys should bite the bullet and start picking fights?

 

Absolutely not!

 

A guy can be physically strong as an ox, but if the emotions are flowing like a fountain ... nah.

[Kookie]

Someone who expresses their emotions and talks things out instead of picking fight or being strong and stoic all the time is anything but weak, it takes a lot of strength to do that.

 

 

Oh so very true ... even for me since I hate crying. Someone who lives for such emotional aspects of life and expresses that is not expressing a strength or letting down a guard, they're living what is natural to them.