The Perpetually Single and Je ne sais quoi

[Carnatic]

Hi there. I am a 22 year old male university student from Liverpool, and like a lot of people here, I am one of the perpetually single, you know, those people who you can't imagine ever having a girlfriend/boyfriend. It seems that some of us were just designed to remain single, and there isn't a reason for it that I can put my finger on.

 

OK, so I'd be fooling myself if I believed I was good looking, but I know that looks aren't everything, I know guys who are more ugly than me who have girlfriends and many of my mates who are also among the perpetually single are quite good looking (or so I've heard some girls say). At any rate I listen to advice that no matter what your looks you can improve them significantly by just being clean, nice smelling and well dressed, which I think I do.

 

I would say I was fairly confident (well approachable and talkative but not exactly arrogant), again, this isn't just me but my mates have varying levels of confidence, from arrogant to wallflowers. I have at least some of the qualities girls are supposed to look for in a guy, wide range of interests, active social life and the seemingly ubiquitous 'gsoh'.

 

So I can't understand why me and others like me are constantly rejected or otherwise unsuccessful with girls. One of the things I have said in the past is that it seems to be I am just not 'boyfriend material'; even the girls who seem to be enjoying my company, laughing with me or have even outright said they found me attractive, I can't imagine were thinking beyond having a chat and then taking things no further, and to prove it they all reject me. It just seems that guys who get girls have a 'Je ne sais quoi' and I, and all those other guys who you can't imagine with girlfiends lack it.

 

I wondered if anyone empathised with this, if there are also girls who feel 'perpetually single'. If anyone has any idea what makes someone have or lack the Je ne sais quoi, or if anyone once felt perpetually single but then managed to find a partner.

 

Thanks in advance (actually scrub that, thank me for bringing this up I hope it can start an 'illuminating' discussion)

 

Carnatic

[socalguy123]

One of the things I have said in the past is that it seems to be I am just not 'boyfriend material'; even the girls who seem to be enjoying my company, laughing with me or have even outright said they found me attractive, I can't imagine were thinking beyond having a chat and then taking things no further, and to prove it they all reject me.

 

Hey Carnatic. I feel your pain. Question about these girls that said they found you attractive--what's the story behind them? Did you make a move on them?

[speardane]

what does "they all reject me" mean? how many girls have actually rejected you?

 

here's my theory on the "je ne sais quoi." I think it's all confidence. I think that people are looking to you to help them figure out what kind of person you are, as well as your intentions. The information you give them, by the way you act and the things you say, is usually their starting point for putting you into some kind of category. Most of the guys I know who have no success with women give off what I'd call a "harmless bunny" vibe. it's plainly obvious to a woman that they don't consider themselves attractive or interesting. A confident guy gives off a vibe that women find attractive, even if they don't think they like him for some reason. I really do think it comes down to how you feel about yourself.

 

you could always move to the U.S. A brit accent goes over very well with the ladies here.

[Carnatic]

Well I never said I wasn't confident, I know I haven't always been and some girls at the start rejected me probably because of 'harmless bunny syndrome'. I can talk to girls though, maintain a conversation, make them laugh. I'm sure that comes accross as confidence, one girl even said from her first impression I seemed quite confident. It's been discussed in this forum before that you don't have to be a knob to be confident.

 

Mainly, this isn't just a 'me' thing, it seems to be there is a whole load of us who for whatever reason are not built for relationships.