girl is apparentley very uneasy with guys?

[mattj]

ok then ive met this girl, she has so much in common with me its weird, and i really like her- in fact her friends think we are "soo compatible!" and one of her friends who i get on very well with asked me if i liked her- i told her the truth, that i did and i am glad i did as she has been alot of help

 

the only problem is she has told me that this girl likes guys up to the point where they make a move then in her words (her friend sorry for all the "she"s and "her"s) she gets scared because "she is really frigid and has been known to squish them" whatever that means.

 

now her advice was to "try and befriend her without entering her friends circle"- now that is very confusing to me- its very complicated, but i really really like this girl, we have nearly everything in common and i think she maybe likes me, at least her friends suggest this anyway- please help i don't know quite what they mean!

[easyguy]

Careful, having nearly EVERYTHING in common doesn't always mean you'll be compatible with each other.

[mattj]

everything meaning reading habits, things we like to talk about snd hobbies, and vagueley different music tastes- i mean reallly that we do completeley click- as her friends evidentley noticed with some amusement- the main problem though is thati dont have a clue what i should do seeing as she has a history of being afraid of relationships- her friends siad they would help me with that but im still worried about it

[Blackmsmithdave]

ok hope she isnt but she might not like guys in that way, she might be blowing guys of coz she prefers girls, if you catch my drift.

 

ok what her friends ment is that you must be friendly toward her, without becomeing someone that she hangs around with alot. you know those people who are great to be around, but they come along to you only every now and then.

 

you have your foot in the door with her friends so use them to do some behind the lines work. they can gather infor about her, and see hwo she reacts to things that you do. good luck let us now how it goes.

[mattj]

well i have no problem with the whole info thing- her friends seem to be having alot of fun with the whole matchmaking thing and have even sent me a list of "do's and dont's" for her

[Blackmsmithdave]

well all i can say mate is play it as it comes, you dont seem like a prat so you should make the right choice, just take your time

[Mun]

I think your safest move here is to get her to chase you How? Gee I don't know that part. Maybe be interested one day, then be "too busy" the next---get her to wonder about you. If she has to make the move on you then she won't be so afraid of you. Unless she is the type of girl that does not make ANY moves on a guy, in which case you're out of luck.

 

Hope it works out somehow.

[mattj]

i dont know, she has done some things which could be seen as coincidental or could be seen as subtle moves on me- for example when we were both aat a mutual friend's house i lost my mobile, and she said she would call it and she asked me my number- then the friend whose house it was said "oh no need to bother ihave his number already" and she ignored her and quickly phoned it which was weird- then when i had found my phone she says "you probably have my number in missed calls now" then just drops it... also she got her mum to take me home from there becausse apparentley we live nearby- both coul dbe coincidences or not so...

[JRM]

I'd say the phone thing is a pretty obvious lead-on. You should keep it in mind.

 

Also, muneca's advice is good. Make her want a relationship herself, don't try and convice her to have one. Make her chase you and you'll almost have it in the bag.

[ShySoul]

I'd say she is afraid of being in a serious relationship, so when one gets close she shuts the guy out. If you can get under her skin and show her that you understand how she feels, maybe she will take a chance for you.

 

It's all about the little thing. Make her feel wanted and appreciated. Really listen to her when you talk. Don't rush anything, simple be friends. Perhaps that what she needs, a friend. Maybe she has had her fill of guys wanting to go out with her, but if she had a real friend first, then she'd be more comfortable with the idea of going out with him.

[Riley]

I really agree w/ shysoul. just b/c a girl doesnt date much ppl automatically assume shes a lesbian. This girl probably is just afraid of being in a serious relationship. Leave the stereotypes behind there are women w/ commitment problems...shocking.

[mattj]

well, i don't think that commitment is the problem- it turns out she had a bad encounter with a boy once lets say

i don't know should i just take my time about asking her out, or still just go ahead and say something like her friends are telling me to?

as sidenote she is probably coming round to my house some time this week to see my pet puppy- (she loves dogs ), and asked me to call her when it was ok for her to come (we exchanged numbers a while ago- im not making anything of it, i dont actually know why lol)

[ShySoul]

well, i don't think that commitment is the problem- it turns out she had a bad encounter with a boy once lets say

 

That's a commitment problem, just of a different sort then originally thought. She has trouble trusting guys and this committing to a relationship with them because of her past experience.

 

I'd take my time. Let her know she can trust you. When you do ask her out, if she is hesitant try to get her to see that you really do care about her, that you understand how she feels, and that you wouldn't do anything to hurt her.

 

And you've learned another valuable lesson, puppies are a good way to attract girls.

[mattj]

and she's in love with someone else- well thats me done