i'm doing NC but he contacted me -- what do i do???

[plasticheartsandsmiles]

ive been doing no contact now for going on three weeks now and a few days ago my ex contacted me four times. i wasnt able to answer my phone any of the times becuase i was gonna ignore it but i dont want to avoid him. even though we arent dating anymore he is still my very best friend and i dont want anything i do to make him think i dont want his friendship anymore. how long do i wait to contact him and what do i do/say????????????

 

my BIGGEST quesiton is this...... he broke up with me, but he tells ppl that he cares a/b me deeply and contacts me whenever he doesnt hear from me for awhile. what does this mean?!?! i love him so much and would love to get back together with him but im trying to give us both time to heal.

 

 

any advice would be GREATLY appreciated/welcomed, thanx!

[Nkaleidoscopic]

NC isnt very helpful in getting somebody back, it's helpful in moving on.

 

If he calls I say pick up to see what he has to say, it its hurtful or something like that, continue NC and don't pick up anymore.

 

If it's not, listen to him, maybe he has something to say.

[dustinthewind]

I would agree...well partly. NC worked for me...getting my bf back I mean. We broke up and I did NC for 5 days, and by the end of day 3 he was trying to get ahold of me...emailing, phoning...I continued to ignore it till day 5, when I finally spoke with him. We ended up meeting up and talking (I really wanted to get back with him, but continued to play it cool and kept my cards to myself....let him do the work) NC is great at healing....I felt better as soon as I started it....the important thing to remember with NC in terms of getting the person back...is that during that time they may realize that they MISS YOU...and u probably miss them, but the only way that you are going to get back together is if they WANT TO, and YOU WANT TO....just because they are contacting you does not necessarily mean this is the case.

 

My advice to you is to proceed with caution. I would wait until you feel that you have healed enough , or at least realise that you will be FINE alone..with or without him...that u would be ok..if he DOESN WANT imTO GET BACK TOGETHER>..and that he just misses u, or just wants to see whats up. Although thigns worked out for me in the end, I doubt that it is like that with NC in most cases. IF you do choose to talk to him, let it be on your terms in a situation you are comfortable with, and if he is just calling to say hi and stuff...and you aren;t ready...I would suggest being honest...saying somethign like "look I really care about you a lot, but I am still really hurt by what happened, and I need time to heal before we jump back into being friends. How about I give you a call as soon as I feel I am ready, cause I really value you as a person" or something like that. I would just make sure that you hold your cards close, and dont give away too much...you dont want to appear devestated,,,but being honest would at least let him know you care about him. I think that I personally find being BEST friends with my ex as too hard to handle....I wish you the best of luck. PM me any time.

[kskm]

Next time he calls I would answer and ask him what he really wants. Tell him that by him calling you he's sending you mixed signals... and it's not fair to you, the person that is trying to get over a heart break to be pulled in that direction if he doesn't want to go there. I think you just need to have a serious conversation with him and tell him how it makes you feel.

[chai714]

my BIGGEST quesiton is this......he broke up with me, but he tells ppl that he cares a/b me deeply and contacts me whenever he doesnt hear from me for awhile. what does this mean?!?! i love him so much and would love to get back together with him but im trying to give us both time to heal.

 

Let his actions do the talking. The safest and most psychologically nourishing thing to do is to heal up. It's nearly impossible to heal while still in contact with the ex. On the other hand, if he's contacting you and did so 4 times, why are you not picking up? Because you have fear, that's why. He hurt you, and you're afraid of getting hurt again is my guess. This is your brains way of protecting yourself.

 

Call him back, find out what he has to say. Do not tell him how you feel, as this gives him more control and power. Contain your emotions. (Easier said than done). But, find out what he wants to talk about. If you don't think you can handle ONLY a friendship right now, let him know that you desire his friendship, but you'll need some time for yourself so that you can more easily adjust. He may have something else to say, but you won't know unless you either call him back or pick up your phone next time he rings.