What kind of relationship do we have?

[cranberry]

This is about a male coworker and me--we both work in the same department. He goes to uni out of town so he only works here at Christmas time and summer break. Sorry about the length, but it would be appreciated if you could drop me your two cents.

 

About 2yrs ago I got hired at christmas time and I was very shy and very new. I think he liked me then because he would always be watching me and would volunteer to help me with stuff. I developed a small crush on him, but was way too shy to do anything about it, I could barely say hi to him. There were other girls hired too, but he didn't really offer to help them with stuff. During that summer I was still kind of shy and I didn't start to really open up with my coworkers until after he was already gone (in Sept). This christmas he didn't work. Right now I am very comfortable at work, joke around a lot, so when he came back for the summer I am now very comfortable around him.

I know that he is dating a girl right now, but I get the feeling that he is either very friendly with me or is flirting. For instance, we joke around A LOT. I also joke around with everyone, but he tries to make me laugh and teases me. We gradually built up to a lot of accidental touching (I don't know how that suddenly happened though)...at first if we'd touch arms or hands (if we'd pass each other something) I'd say sorry but he wouldn't say anything. So then I just stopped saying sorry altogether. We both knew we lived in the same area, but had never really brought it up. One night when we were closing, I was asking him about his car (because I'm planning to buy one soon) and then he asked me where I live and offered to give me a ride home. The whole ride he was talking about music and kept switching the songs. And near the end he finally mentioned that these were the songs he picked for a mix-tape for that girl he's seeing who went on vacation.

A couple of days later I go into work, and right away he's like "What time do you work til? I can give you a ride home...I have my dad's car today". He asked me again later. I declined because I was getting off work a little earlier than him and I didn't want to wait. (He has only given one girl rides home, but that was a couple of years ago...she used to like him...they are quasi-friends now...he has admitted he thinks she's childish).

He's kind of flirty with other girls at work, but they flirt back with him. I don't flirt back with him really, I only joke with him. I have never intentionally touched him, yet sometimes he leans on my shoulder, touches/pokes my arm when we talk, or pushes me. When he heard that I thought this 30something manager was hot, he made fun of me and wouldn't drop it--almost like he was jealous.

What bothers me about him is mainly he only talks about himself--like what he did last night, etc. He rarely asks stuff about me (or any other of our coworkers). Yesterday I got in for work and I asked him what his shift was, and he answered and then smiled--like he thought I liked him or something. (So then I made sure to ask everyone else what their shifts were.)

 

So what kind of relationship do we have? Is he just a flirt (esp. b/c he is seeing someone).

[Iceman26]

Sounds like hes just a flirt. If he were going to make a move, I think he would have done it by now.

[Public_service]

Sounds like hes just a flirt. If he were going to make a move, I think he would have done it by now.

 

I'm pretty sure he did. Many times.

 

If hes keeps asking her to drive her home. Then his intentions are not just to get her home. Maybe hes trying to develop more of a relationship with her. I could be wrong.

[Iceman26]

Yeah but if he were hitting on here, why would he show her songs that he is making for the girl he is dating?

[Public_service]

Maybe hes trying to get her to ask him more about his sexual life?

If I liked a girl and has a relationship with someone else, I would talk about my girlfriend alot. So she would get to know how I am with girls and such, then when the ending of the relationship comes, she may be intrested.

[Caterina]

He might like you, but not enough to drop the girlfriend.

[cranberry]

Thanks for the replies so far. By putting all of them together, I think I came up with a semi-solution.

 

On a side note, before he was asking me for advice about this girl (before he started seeing her). It's a whole complicated story, but I said just go for it if you really like her. He mentioned that he didn't like long distance relationships (b/c he'll be going back to school in september). First he said he liked her, and then he said he wasn't even sure if he really really did. I also agreed that long distance relationships suck. I felt all special because he confided in me, only to realize later that he had told almost everyone else in our deparment about his dilemma, ha.

Do you think what's stopping him from pursuing me is the long-distance thing PLUS the fact that we work together? I don't mind having to work together, but I'm the type of girl that would be in it for the long run not a temporary fling for over the summer. I think he presumes that, so he has settled for being friendly-friends...Does that sound right?

 

It just bugs me that he would flirt with me or like me or whatever he is doing with me, when he is seeing that girl and then he mentions her everynow and then. For example, He saw Batman with her. And then a week later I saw it. So we were talking about it. And then he specifically said, "Yeah I saw it with *and then he emphasized her full name*."

When I start to feel like this, I start distancing myself from him and start talking to my other coworkers. But then he'll start jumping in on our conversations, or he'll nudge me in the back and jokingly say, "Stop talking and get to work". And then we start joking around again.

[cranberry]

Any more opinions?

Thanks

[cranberry]

Do you think that if you were his g/f he'd stop being a flirt with others?

He is a nice guy. However, Say if I were his girlfriend, I think he would stop flirting with other girls, but as soon as he goes back to school and "forgets" about me, I think he would flirt. It's more that they flirt with him, and smile at him, and then he just responds to it. I'd say out of all of us he pays the most attention to me and actually initiates the flirting, but with the others they initiate it.

[cranberry]

He's used to getting girls attention. You're not oohing and ahhing over him so he HAS to get your attention.

Yes. I agree with that.

 

But do you think he has some feelings for me?

Because why would he offer me rides home (and nobody else)?

And I get the feeling that he's kindof protective over me and he does little nice things for me throughout the day.

[randy]

I also joke around with everyone, but he tries to make me laugh and teases me.

 

 

Does he tease others ? If so does he tease others as much as he teases YOU ?

 

 

When he heard that I thought this 30something manager was hot, he made fun of me and wouldn't drop it--almost like he was jealous.

 

Again he's teasing you .

 

 

 

I know when I am interested in a girl i tease her A LOT ! ! ! I make fun of everything , her hair , her shoes EVERYTHING ! ! ! Is he like that towards you ?

 

I think what you can start doing next in get some Kinesthetics in there ( not by accident but intentionally ) when your talking to him . See how reacts .

 

 

Not sure if he likes you . He seems like a flirty type .

[cranberry]

He teases me the most out of everyone. Basically he just teases me about being a bad worker when he sees me talking or laughing with the other coworkers. The last time I worked with him I forgot to say hi to him and I just started talking to everyone else, and he teased me a lot that day. (Yet that same day I saw him being a little touchy-flirty with this other female coworker). We were practically arguing, except there was a joking undertone. I think he likes to see me get annoyed, and then he laughs at my witty remarks. He also said that day, "Cranberry drives me crazy!" and "I feel like I'm going to cry"...And I was like, "Why? What is wrong with you today?" because I wasn't doing anything wrong, it was slow, and most of the time I was cleaning and talking at the same time.

 

I think what you can start doing next in get some Kinesthetics in there ( not by accident but intentionally ) when your talking to him . See how reacts .

See I don't really want to do that because I know he has a girlfriend/is dating someone right now. I don't think they will last long b/c he leaves in Sept., but still. Also it seems every girl flirts with him and touches him, except for me. I don't think his head needs to be any bigger than it is now.

I don't understand why he gets so upset when I talk to everyone else but him (it's not on purpose). The less I talk to him the more he teases me. But if another female coworker doesn't talk to him that much one day, he doesn't start teasing her. As weird as this sounds, it's fun to argue with him. He looks at me a lot too and if we are talking he looks at my eyes. I'm not even sure if I like him. I could if I allowed myself to, but I stopped myself on purpose. He is attractive, nice, funny (laughs at all my jokes too), intelligent, but then on the flip side he is flirty with other girls, and he seems a little self-absorbed.

[BrunnetteThatRoxTheWorld]

He Just wants some1 to act like his gf until he finds the right thing so get out of there quick