What do you guys think. She left but is it for good?

[RayF]

I've been dating this girl for 5 months. me 20 and her 22 I was really guarded at first because i had been hurt in the past.

 

She seemed to think quite seriously quite fast, a few months into the relationship she was saying how she wanted to be with me forever. i was skeptical and guarded but eventually her genuine compassion made me feel comfortable and i got very attached to her.

 

Then the last few weeks she became a little distant, wanting to hang out with friends more and though she wanted me there i take awhile to get comfortable in groups. I've explained this to her and had discussions of other serious topics.

 

Ironically it is the serious talk that scared her away.She didn;t call me for four days ansdd then she does and says she can;t handle being forced to discuss issues so she backs off and then tells me yesterday that she feels she is not ready to be serious, feels like she needs to haave fun and figure out what she wants and wonders if we aren't right for eachother. Same crap i always seem to get with women.

 

So i'm upset but i tell her i don;t want to be with someone who dosn;t want to be with me and i'll be fine without her but i'll miss her and i wish she would have given us a chance to take into concideration our discussion and pursue a seriosu relationship that she said she thought she wanted but now is not so sure. In any case after much discussion she says she's not so sure and she is torn because she has feelings for me and she is starting to see what i ment when i said relationships take unserstanding and discussion to get over humps and grow as a couple. However she made this dission and feels it is what she needs, but is still confused. and that This may be the only way to test her true feelings for me.

 

We hold eachother and it gets late, she says we'll talk more tomorrow. I'm not expecting a call.

 

What do I do? this girl is confused and immature when it comes to relationships but i still care very much for her. We both felt that there was something special there.

 

Is there hope she'll change hjer mind, if she does would it be better for me to stay away because obviously she dosn't know what she wants in life.

 

Or should i just realize that if someone really wanted to be with me they would be, period.

 

What should I do. just give her space? She's a runner and typically just backs off when she wants to end relationships. should i pursue discussion from her or would that make it worse?

[reflectionlessmirror]

let her go. Give her her space. Do you believe itn fate? it is out there, trust me! Remember the old saying "if you love something let it go...if it comes back to you , it is yours. If not, it was never meant to be in the first place."

[struggle4reason]

Ray, I tell you what your situation sounds almost identical to the girl i've been dating the past 3 months.

 

My girl had been with a guy that for three years that cheated on her constantly and did some other horrible things to her and after she broke up she went through another 2 plus years of guys that treat her like crap.

 

I had a post awhile back about the fact that before me and my girl got together that she was completely into me and was pressuring me into a relationship but I had told that as much as I liked her and cared about her that I wanted to make sure that I was completely through my past.

 

Once I was ready she said that she still wanted the relationship just as badly as I did but since day one she gradually distanced herself from me. I tried not to ask if things were alright to often but it was hard to not to when things were obviously changing.

 

It got to a point about 3 weeks ago that she began to go out without me or at least informing me, short phone conversations that usualy ended with i'll call you back in a few and usually I called or it was several hours later, and it only got worse.

 

So I sat her down and i sometimes get nervous so things don't always get discussed as well as I'd like for them to but I basically asked her why things were becoming the way they were.

 

She explained that there were a lot of things (work/family/herself) that she needed to attend to before putting forth the effort that I deserved in a relationship. (Ironic that what I did has come back around)

 

Well last night she basically told me that we needed to breakup because she realized that she was treating me horrible and that she herself couldn't explain why, only that it was a cummulation of her past relationship and family problems. But she insisted that she cared about me and that she doesn't want to lose me and wants a relationship once she figures everything out, but she also couldn't promise that it would happen.

 

So when I left I was pretty torn up and she called me an hour later to see what I was doing. I told her nothing at the moment and her response was: "what is that suppose to mean?". I told her that it's hard and that I may get out of my place so I wasn't sitting her with my mind going crazy. So she started bombarding me with questions like: "where are you going, who are you going to be with, who's going to be there" I asked her what did it matter anymore. She constantly thinks that whenever I go out or do something that i'm going to do to her what her past relationsihps did to her. In fact I had basically given her the back seat and helmet to my bike saying she's the only one I want to ever be on the back of my bike. So last night before I left I asked her what she wanted me to do with it and she told me that she didn't want to give it up.

 

I'm just as confused as what to do in my situation as you are. When I sit back she thinks i'm cheating or something. When I don't sit back I'm guessing she's being smothered, but if I go out with friends she hates that i'm getting hit on and worries that i'm going to cheat.

 

She said she wants me to remain in her life til' she figures things out and that she wants me to stay friends with her. I told her that it's not possible.

 

 

 

Here are the alternatives that I've been given:

 

1. Give up and Move on

2. Give her enough space that she needs to start the chasing. (This one is hard because you're forced to have your emotions in constant turmoil til' a decision is made.)

3. Or continue to talk to her about it. You'll either bring her back or completely push her away.

[RayF]

thanks for the replys guys.

 

well update. to my surprise she called but to no surprise her mind was stil set on her decision.

 

I just told he she needs to do what she feels is right but i feel like my trust was broken and i feel very hurt, I said i hope she found what she was looking for and in regards to me if she even really had feelings for me. She said this would make her know for sure, but I said well if you find out it did, hopefully it won't be to late because i'm not sitting around waiting for you.

 

the convo was short. to the point. She said she wonderd how i was doing. i said i've been better but i'd be fine.

 

She said take care, i said I will. She said goodbye. I said nothing.

 

Well. Guess i should move on huh? At the least give her space with N/C. and maybe with that i'll see if even I really want to be with her.

 

I really do care for her and miss her, I wish she'd give us a shot but do i want to commit myself to a commitment phobe?

 

It sucks that this exact thing happened to me twice in one year with two girls i cared for, the first defistated me and screwed me up beyond belife. This one is just really discouraging. Im a nice, kind guy, with my head on straight and can be a little on the serious side. But it seems all girls this age are immature and confused. She was two years older then me too.

 

This just really sucks... It sucks to be a guy at this age who isn't a jerk and interested in only sex.

[Kookie]

Or should i just realize that if someone really wanted to be with me they would be, period.

 

Yes. Absolutely

[hurtwou]

let her go...it will do you alot of good