Girls pursuing guys... opinions?

[ves]

Ok, it's 2005 folks, what do we all think about girls pursuing guys (and not in that desperate, aggressive, Fatal Attraction sort of way)? I kind of hate the stereotype that "He's Just Not That Into You" posits - that if a guy wants, a guy will go get, otherwise he doesn't want. It's just so... one-sided - and written for people who are in denial. Obviously many of the rules of dating since the 1950s have been broken - women call men, ask them out, live and sleep together before marriage, have careers and family, etc. So why should a woman sit around and wait for a man to come and get her? Sometimes I think that people feel that if a guy pursues a girl that he's really into her, but if a girl pursues a guy she's pushy.

 

I'm curious as how guys and girls feel about dating when the girl is the initiator. Guys, would you go out with a girl that asked you out? What would you think of her? Girls, have you asked a guy out? Do you feel comfortable doing it? All opinions welcome!

[misery12]

It's not gender oriented if ask you me. There are so many people out there, with so many different personalities, nobody will ever know the exact number, or the actual facts of dating.

 

The thing I notice is.. if a guy wants to ask out a girl, he will.. unless he's shy, insecure, self-conscious.. things like this, which will prevent him from being more confident and pursuing to ask the girl out like everyone thinks he should.

 

I believe it's about personality, and about the person themself, and not their gender or the number/facts that the world gives to us.

 

Some girls feel that it's the guys duty to ask them out.. but that doesn't apply to everyone, because there's many women out there who are very confident and have high self-esteem, and will do the initiating.

 

Plain and simple.

[DN]

I have long been an advocate of girls asking guys out - especially the shy ones. It would save a whole lot of the sort of angst you see posted on here about whether people like each other, how to ask her out, how to get him to ask me out etc.

 

Cut to the chase, I say, and get on with having some fun!!

[RayKay]

I have asked guys out on dates in the past, or been the initiator to seeing one another.

 

However, in retrospect my successful, long lasting and more fulfilling relationships were with men that asked ME out first and took the first steps. And somehow in these relationships I also felt more "wanted" than in the ones where it seemed I had done much of the initial work....

 

But that does not mean even in those I just waited around hoping they would ask, I would still flirt, and give signals I was interested.

 

Just because one person ASKS, does not mean the other person waits around doing NOTHING in my opinion

 

Yes it is intimidating to ask someone out, but by the time you ask them out you should be able to judge their interest level and have a pretty good idea of whether they will accept or not...at least that has been my experience.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I agree, women should pursue guys. Take me for instance. My girlfriend pursued me. I wouldn't have pursued her myself though, she's the type of person I've always considered "out of my league" and had no luck with in the past so I don't even bother anymore. She asked me out and we couldn't have been happier. If you see someone you want, go for it. You never know until you try.

[kskm]

I have asked guys out before and I have no problem doing it. I believe that if you are interested then you should go for it. It's not the guys place to make the first steps anymore.

[whatdoyado]

I have initiated in getting together with the other guy, but like RayKay said you do feel more 'wanted' as the girl when the guy asks, but it most likely goes both ways. Letting a guy know your interested is not a crime and plus, if you don't want to initated the dating it'll at least help him know he won't get rejected unless he got the wrong signs.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

Most guys still want to be the leader in a romantic relationship, and they want to be the ones who take the initiative. I certainly feel the pressure to be the leader, and I assume that most other guys also feel that pressure. If a girl pursued me and really liked me, I would certainly be appreciative for all that she would have done for me. But even so, there is some sort of desire for guys to be the leader in the relationship that seems to be biological, and which can not be over come easily.