She loves me but is going back to her her ex?! Arrrggh!!!!

[troutboy]

I just don't get it, we only just started talking again and things seemed good, she was flirting heaps with me, saying she misses me, we have serious chemistry, she even says she loves me on the odd occasion still! We have been broken up 3 months after a year relationship in which she always kept in contact with her ex, he's a nice guy, why not! - and she has been his only serious girlfriend - they were together 5 years, he's 30 and shes 34.

 

She left him cause he was stressed at his job and didn't show love towards her, owes money (still does) but they were best of friends, he now says he's happier and changed and wants her back into his life - he lives in another city.

 

She comes to find me tonight at the beach saying that she is leaving my town to give it another go with him, this decision has taken her 6 months to decide since he asked her, she says she has nothing to loose and she is mixed up - I am devestated, she says part of her decision was based on seeing me with other women all the time by chance (I have been dating), says she can't handle it, we met last week and had a great time, kissed and hugged at the end of the night. I somehow don't believe her though about me being the catylist for going... We also work together and live very close to each other.

 

What are the chances of her and the ex succeeding? Do you think that being back together with an ex for these reasons is stupid - I want her to see what she is missing, so how do I do this, I guess it's just about letting her go and finding out for herself. I always believe that people don't really change and shes setting herself up for heartache by going back to him - need advice on what to do. pleeeeease help, heart-broken again...

[Hope75]

I don't know trout...

 

I have to say, they have a long history together both as friends and lovers, even you say he is a nice guy, and the reasons that they broke up seem workable, I think they probably have a fair shot.

 

On the flip side, I don't see how you were supposed to lie around and not be able to date again after you broke up...I suspect the reason she's going has very little to do with you and what you were doing and more to do with her and what she decided she wants.

 

At this point I think you are right to let her go and find her own way, with her bf or without him Your reasons though should be to try your best and move on for you and not to wait and see if they fail so she might come back.

 

You sound like a pretty decent person (heck, you are in love with her and still say her ex that she's leaving for is a nice guy, that shows strong character on your part), and it sounds as though you are dating, I think you will have no problem finding someone who is less confused and more ready to devote herself to you.

 

Best of luck!

[DN]

Perhaps the key to her relationship with him working out this time around is if he is making sufficient money now to keep them both happy.

 

Other than that I agree with Hope. Why she would expect you to stay single while she makes up her mind who she wants is beyond me. It really doesn't seem to me as if she ever had your best interests and well-being at heart - only hers.

 

Best to heal, move on, and find someone able to love you properly.

[troutboy]

Thanks for your replys, I can't help but feel angry towards her for going. I should have also added that she was with him when we met and I was also in a relationship - not the proudest moment of my life but we did make it work against all the odds, we carried on this affair successfully for about 5 months prior to us each leaving our partners (which I have no regrets about).

 

I guess on the plus side it will be easier when she is gone, as I see her every day at present. I also agree that her excuse that she can't stand seeing me with other women is pretty weak. One reason I think she is going is his family, she is from England and his family is the only one she's known for many years.

 

It's just soooooo hard sometimes, we do both love each other, but it obviously just is'nt enough from her end... I wish I could change her mind.

 

Thankyou