Dilemmas.. weddings and truth

[The_Doc]

OK all dilemma time…

 

Ever since the ex broke up with me after 4 and ½ years 11 weeks ago I have dreaded this week arriving. Why? Because on Saturday we will both be attending a wedding of a good friend. The ex will be bridesmaid and although we never got engaged or set a date we often talked about it and planned for 'our' big day. Of course had this happened the bride on Saturday would have been her bridesmaid and most of the guests on Saturday would have been the guests at our wedding.

 

Ok some people strongly suggested that this was a wedding I should have declined to attend but I want to be their to share the joy of my friends however painful it might be.

 

Of course the ex will be arriving in town tomorrow or Wednesday in preparation for Saturday. We haven't spoken for over 3 weeks and with the exception of one brief instant message from the ex last week we have had over 2 weeks of NC. Last time we spoke at any length the ex had said she wanted to meet for dinner before the wedding… but since the NC nothing more has been said about this. I suspect that dinner will not happen and that I won't see her before Saturday when she will be all dressed up and looking a million bucks. I know that it will be tough to see her 'at the front' and that a millon 'what ifs' will be going through my head on the day and all this week.

 

Of course the ex has not 'reached out' and the NC is a sign from her that she is moving on. For those of you following my posts you will also know that I began dating a newbie last weekend and yesterday I spent a lovely day with her… we have a lot of fun together and she is a great girl. However the ex has remained firnly off the agenda of discussion and I have probably been 'holding back' because somewhere deep down I still feel that the wedding might lead to a change of heart by the ex…. I know that she cannot attend the wedding and not think about the things that I will be thinking, and that there will also be regret and 'what ifs' going through her mind. Of course the fact that I am dating now has meant that the NC has not affected me like previous periods of NC and that I have begun letting go and moving on to.

 

So whats the issue? Well do I tell the newbie about any of this? Do I tell her that the wedding she knows I am going to is going to have the ex in attendance? Do I tell her about any of my feelings? So far the ex has firmly remained a closed subject… something only hinted to at best… I have consciously made an effore to talk about 'me' and 'I' when discussinf things I did in the past that involved the ex and I. As I have said before I do make comparisons in my mind between the two of them. Also while I don't feel despair or depression anymore I do feel a lot of sadness, sadness that those 4 and ½ years meant so little to the ex, and that they are bing consigned to the 'dumpster of history'.

 

There remains the unresolved issue of all my stuff which remains at what used to be our mutual home, the 'unspoken' issue remaining between us. Why the ex is holding on to all this stuff and is not keen to have me clear the home of all my things baffles me no end. As I said there has been no 'reaching out' and in fact if anything the 'distance' has grown in the last three weeks…

 

All I know is that this week is going to be an emotional rollercoaster….

 

What do you think/advise everyone?

 

One final question --- should I tell the ex that I am dating… or is it none of her business….

[DN]

Don't tell the ex about dating. No need.

 

Don't tell your new girlfriend anything either - yet. Wait until you see what happens at the wedding. That could well be a way to really analyse your feelings for your ex. If you see her and decide you are really not over her enough to give the new girl all she deserves then you will know what to do. But it may be that you will know, for whatever reason, that it is truly over, that it is time to move on - in fact, you may realise that you have come further down that road than you thought.