friend/couple talk pending, help!

[sadgirl_april]

After breaking up with my boyfriend for 1 month, we hang out together a few times. Last Thursday we got physically close, he said he wanted to be with me etc. After resisting for a while, I agreed to think about it. We are about to have the friend/couple talk soon. What should I do?

 

Reason for breakup: he did not love me much, had his online dating profile up all this time.

His excuse to get back: he said he probably loved me more than all the other guys I had been with, he claimed they said it to get me into bed (absolutely not true, but I never talked much about my past relationships with him).

My hesistatation: he likes me for sure, he loves me "a little", that's not enough for marriage. I know his dating goal is to get marriage, so is mine.

Also, his financial situtation is at the bottom -- working for his own business, no saving in the bank or even 401k at age 39+, probably has some debt still from a previous bankrupt. I guess the financial responsibility of a marrige will be on me almost entirely. I can't afford a house in this area just by myself -- we are in the second most expensive area in US.

 

I don't know what to do. Please give me some advise!

[reflectionlessmirror]

You didnt mention if you want to get back with him. I am alittle weirded out by some of his statements. How does he know who has loved you in the past? And only loving you a little sounds weird too. Maybe you are better off alone. Besides, you said he will be no finacial help to you.

[sadgirl_april]

reflectionlessmirror, thanks for reply. I don't know if I want to get back with him. I have feelings for him, but I don't know if he is good for me in the long run. Is it enough to stay with him just because I like him a lot? Will I be happy without his full devotion, without his financial contribution into a future of us together? I don't know. What do you guys think of this situation?

[reflectionlessmirror]

With what you have told me of your goals and life plans, i realistically dont see him fitting into the picture you have painted for me.

[sadgirl_april]

An update: we went out Sunday afternoon and evening. It started fine, but we got tired after the outdoor concert was over. On our way back, we were in the subway, there was a girl in red dress walking past us. My ex/current guy looked at her once, walked a few steps, turned his head to look at her again, walked more and turned back to look at her again! Well, I was not sure if I should be upset about it, I didn't say anything and just observed him. A minute later he and I stood together waiting for the train, he pulled my shirt, I freaked out. How embarrassing he did it just after admiring another girl.

As a result, I didn't talk to him on the way home. He initiated a few random questions and I answered. After we got back, I lost interest to talk about couple/friend issue. We hugged for a long time and said good bye.

In the past when I was seriously dating a guy, he would just ignore any beautiful girl on the street, or at least not show too much interest. What is it about this guy I am considering getting back with, that he can't avoid staring at other girls?

I seriously doubt if he is in love with me. Then why does he want me back? I asked if he wanted to be with me just for sex, he denied it. What should I do now?

[reflectionlessmirror]

My gut feeling says to heck with him. Find better...heck, your better even by yourself. That is plain disrespectuful of him to look at other girls. Unless do you think he was trying to make you jelaous. That is a stupid tactic but me (especially insecure men) have been know to use it. I dont see one good reason for you to want to get back with him.

[sadgirl_april]

reflectionlessmirror thank you for giving me input. I feel scared when I face the reality of getting back with him. I like him a lot, I can't stand the possibility of losing him in my life. He is afraid of losing me too. We agreed staying as friends is best. We can do things together, enjoy each other without acting like a couple. We won't fight like a couple and then become strangers in the end. I am happy about this, even though we have great chemistry and it will be difficult for us to refrain from getting physical. In the future, I won't have to marry him or worry about him looking at other women.