advice needed

[fIIsion]

Its been nearly 3 months since we broke up, we were together for 6 years.

She told me that her feelings had changed, but did not explain any further.

Over time she told me that I had been sleeping too much, did not give her enough attention, that we did not do enough things together.

 

I feel most of these excuses were just excuses, I feel that there is more to it than that.

 

She is emotionally very blocked off, perhaps she felt attraction for someone else and believed that because of that, that she did not love me enough.

 

I was working full-time, would come home tired, lacked motivation at times, but she never told me how she was feeling, never gave me the chance to try things differently.

 

We have remained friends of sorts, although when I start to ignore her calls or texts, she starts contacting me, she calls me babe, which is starting to frustrate me.

 

For many years she had been living in her own little reality, at 31, she is still living at home with her mother, has only worked part-time, never paid bills.

Recently she has started to work full-time and was complaining of feeling tired, I had a go at her for this, explaining this is what I had been going through for years. She knew I was upset and said that she had taken this for granted.

She still wants to remain friends, but I have realised that this is not what I want, I want her in my life because I love her very much.

I feel that she has taken me for granted, she makes no effort about friendship and yet when I start to pull away, she phones me up, wants to hear my voice, keeps saying sorry all the time like she doesn't want me to be mad at her.

I feel that she still has feelings for me, but something is blocking her, guilt?

I feel perhaps I should resume N/C, for myself but also, I feel that she needs a reality check, that I'm not always going to be around.

I don't understand what's happened, or happening.

[rilo82]

6yrs is a long time. didn't you ask her to marry you? sometimes when a relationship goes on for a long time, in my opinion they tend to end quite sad if they do not get married in the first 5yrs. i have seen some examples among my relatives.

 

and you say she is 31 part time worker and never paid bills. i believe that she is very well pampered. does she come from a rich family? are her parents trying to fix her up with some son of a rich businessman. you shld consider this possibility because you said she still calls you. she is probably feeling guilty.

hope that helps.

[fIIsion]

She is not so hung up about marriage, we did discuss it but both felt the time was not right.

 

No she is not from a rich family, her father has never been around since day 1, her mother has a moderate income.

 

She is not very close to her mother, in fact they have never been close, you could call it a loveless childhood.

 

She only calls when I pull away and do not return her calls/texts, maybe she just wants me around for emotional support.

I feel that our past relationship has many unresolved issues, we both have little experience of long-term relationships.

When we moved into that comfortable phase, she saw it negatively, like we were just friends, her love did not grow.

[DN]

What exactly do you want from her - if you could have thee relationship you wanted with her, what would it be?

[heloladies21]

Go into No Contact and stick to it. There's better waiting out there for you buddy!

[fIIsion]

I would want her to tell me that she does love me, that our time together meant more to her than just another boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

That she did not fully understand why her feelings had changed but is willing to explore the possibilities of a future together, with better communication, more understanding of how each other thinks.

 

for her to accept me as I am, but also that I'm willing to put 100% in trying to make a better relationship.

 

It feels that we had hit our first major hurdle but both of us were inexperienced enough to understand how to make things better.

 

I realise that there are other women out there, I can use this experience to make a better relationship for the future, but the simple truth is that I don't want to be with anyone else.

6 years is a long time to just throw away because we did not try and change things, I want to try again, but she doesn't.

People will tell me to move on and let go, but I feel that she is not completley confident in her own feelings, trying to reach out but is unable to do so.

[rilo82]

you said she is not confident in her own feelings. so even if you get back together, i think this is not the best solution. she is 31 and does not know what she wants in life too. this is bad.

 

maybe you could do some things to show her how much you care and love her. i always feel that a life altering event must occur between a couple for them to gel even more.

 

you could also ask her to sit down and have a nice talk to understand the reasons why she does not want to get back together. i can't see her not wanting to continue a relationship after so long. is she religious?