Whats the deal?!

[sprocc]

ok so i know theres no 'quick fix' to getting over an ex but this is just getting silly, it's been 8 months since my ex and i broke up and im pretty sure i've been doing all the right kind of stuff that everyone recomends - keeping busy with work, going to the gym, spending as much time with friends and generally trying to keep busy.

 

was quite hard at the start because i saw him ALOT but havn't been seeing him much at all the last few months so that was good and since about a month ago i had the feeling that could honestly say that the majority of me was over him, and that if he was to say he wanted me back i honestly could say that i would say no

 

so heres my deilema....... i can't stop thinking about him!! so obviously im not over him right? its so frustrating i just want to move on with my life but i can't stop thinking bout things from the past - the good and the bad.

and so i guess im wondering if anyone has any ideas or hints or advice anything?

 

i guess also ive been thinking about him a lot more in the last week because i know hes coming home in a few days from now (hes been away at polytech but our homes are in the same town) and im wondering if he'll bother to contact me and what i would/should do if he does.....

 

silly i know but i guess thats me - i think 2 much

[reflectionlessmirror]

Well first you need to decide what you want...you have two options here. Either you want to rekindle a relationship with him or you just want to get over him and move on. you mentioned a little of both in your post. On place you said you wanted to move on but then you also said you wondered if he would contact you. I am picking up on that you might want him back?

[rilo82]

i have experienced what you are experiencing now sprocc. i broke up with my gf somewhere last november and i did a lot of things to try and get my mind of her. but those stuff really doesn't help i guess because if you really love someone, you tend to think about it even when you are keeping yourself busy.

 

maybe you should try calling him and see if he once to get back together. just ask if it is ever going to possible for the two of you again. if it is a no, i believe you should tell yourself that he is moving on and so shld you.

 

i am still thinkign of my ex now and i wan her back too. but love must be reciprocated or it is going to be suffering only for the one who is giving it.

[smallworld]

I once had to get over someone that I loved for 4 years. Aside from keeping busy, I found it helped to write down everything that popped into my mind about him. Writing helped me get over him by allowing me to feel heard and understood by "myself." Writing also gave me a place to process and "dump" all my concerns so that I no longer felt the need to obsess about them.

 

It's natural to wonder if he'll contact you since you know he's coming home. Be honest with yourself and think about best/worst case scenarios. What is it you want? Afraid of? Journal and let it all out. Pretty soon it'll be clear to you what you really want to do with regards to this situation. Good luck!

[lifeiscash]

i thought recently to keep a diary or journal of my life, to let thoughts out. Being a guy, i always thought of it 2 b gay, but i noticed it could only help

[suprema99]

Hey sprocc, you didn't give any information about why you guys broke up. If you guys broke up over something silly, you might be hurting over nothing. If he cheated on you or something extreme like that, yes obviously move on then, You see? If you think that the bad things you mentioned really weren't all that bad, I say then go for it, if it will make you happy. goodluck

[sprocc]

first of all thanks eveyone for all the help and advice!!

 

to be honest im not sure of the exact reason we broke up but i think it was pretty much a case of too much too soon, we were together for just over a year and did pretty much eveything together and i think we just got a tad sick of each other..... we both knew the break-up had to happen but i think he was more ready for it than i was

 

as for getting back together well..... it would be nice to try again but i know that he's moved on.... a while after we broke up we had a conversation where basically he said he still cared about me (as they always do ) but he wanted to concentrate on himself and his studies and well since he's been away hes become, how do i put it...... a player.... i know he's got a few girls which he has an 'open relationship' with and yea..... i dunno but im pretty sure he doesn't want to get back into a relationship with me. i know he'd be happy with the whole 'friends with benefits' thing with me but i know 4 my own emotional safety i can't do that....

 

*sigh* i think it might be awhile before he gets this playing around thing out of his system and wants to get into a relationship again-which i can't blame him for- but it just means that i need to get on with my life without always thinking bout getting back together with him...

 

smallworld & lifeiscash - thanks for the idea of writing things down - i actually did write down a few things when we first broke up but i havn't done so in a while so it might be good to start doing that again! thanks!

[suprema99]

Hey sprocc, you said that it was mutual, like you guys just got sick of each other, spending too much time together. I suggest maybe then try to keep in contact but just to show your still there. He'll probably do the same I'm sure. I can't see him totally crapping out on you if he spent that much time with you.