If you get stood up does it mean it's over

[wastedtime]

I tend to get blindsighted in what might be obvious. Excuse me if I'm in denial.

 

So, I could use advice from guys...this is the first time I've gotten stood up. And it's weird cause the last time we hung out he couldn't wait to get back into town to see me again.

 

I just wanna know if someone blews you off does it always mean he doesn't care.

I know it's inconsiderate but can someone be so forgetful? that I need not take it personally? Maybe I shouldn't be around such a person? I am torn. Is this truly grounds for me to walk? He hasn't even called.

[lady00]

I tend to get blindsighted in what might be obvious. Excuse me if I'm in denial.

 

So, I could use advice from guys...this is the first time I've gotten stood up. And it's weird cause the last time we hung out he couldn't wait to get back into town to see me again.

 

I just wanna know if someone blews you off does it always mean he doesn't care.

I know it's inconsiderate but can someone be so forgetful? that I need not take it personally? Maybe I shouldn't be around such a person? I am torn. Is this truly grounds for me to walk? He hasn't even called.

 

 

Probably means one of two things:

1) he isn't interested/changed his mind is and a jerk as well cause he couldn't just let u know that instead of blowing you off.

2) an emergency came up with him, a friend or a family member and he hasn't had a chance to call you yet.

[reflectionlessmirror]

I really think he is a jerk. I would move on and forget about him. If he makes contact with you tell him exactly how rude he was and that you are not intersted in rude people or theyre games.

[misery12]

Agreed.

There isn't many options you can choose if you plan to stand somebody up.

 

Give it a few days, then give him a call.. and see what he has to say.

If he decides to make up for it, go out with him, and if he does it again, he's not worth your time.

[CarterJonas]

He might have a good explanation. If he hasn't then he is not worth your attention. The ball is in his court to contact you to give you an explanation.

[annie24]

There is no good reason to stand someone up. The only reason I could possibly think of is that he had to rush his grandfather to the hospital or something, but even then, he could have called you once the doctors started to operate on grandpa. I think standing someone up is TOTALLY not ok, and it's a complete deal-breaker for me. It's totally rude and disrespectful. With the advent of cell-phones, there is no reason not to call and have a 30 second conversation.

 

The last time I stood someone up was last year, and that was because I was in the hospital, getting my leg put into a cast because I broke a bone. Of course, I called as soon as I got out of the emergency room.

 

That said, ignore him. Go out on another date with him only if he shows up at your apartment with 2 dozen roses, chocolates, and lots and lots of "I'm sorrys!" Don't call him and ask him "what's up?" Nope. He's the one who was a jerk. All you need to know is that this guy didn't care enough to call you, so why should you call him and let him know that you're ok with people walking all over you.

 

I mean, think about it - you would never consider doing that to your co-worker, neighbor, or friend. You would call or send them a quick e-mail saying that plans changed. So why are some people so quick to forgive being stood up by a date?

 

It's just bad bad bad behavior. Forget about him. There are so many other men out there that won't waste your time like this.

 

Ok, obviously, you can see that I am very passionate about this topic.

 

Have you ever heard the saying, "You teach people how to treat you?" Well, if he does call you a few days later, and he doesn't mention standing you up, and you wind up dating him, he'll know that he can walk all over you, and cancel dates with you at the last second, and you won't mind.

[misery12]

Excellent point.

If you feel that you are having seconds thoughts on this guy, and you haven't even been to a date with him yet, consider what the future could hold, and make sure to think of yourself first.

[wastedtime]

Thanks all for your advice, it has helped me see more clearly.

Yeah, I think if he cared for me he'd call by now, regardless.

 

Though something must be wrong with me...cause part of me still misses him. Today would have marked 2 months since we started seeing eachother. Before that we chatted for two months. (so four months in total) Oh well. Weird. I know he's ok cause a couple of nights ago I logged on AIM under an unknown (to him) screenname to see if he was on and he was.

It's so weird... like he's had a crush on me for years. Maybe he met someone else during that weekend trip. I gotta stop all this wondering...you see how I get? As if figuring it out would fix it. I don't think anything can at this point.

[annie24]

No, don't get down on yourself. I've actually had something similar happen to me. I was good friends with this guy for 4 years, and we were also co-workers for a while. He was in a serious relationship for 2.5 years, but then they broke up. After being friends for 4 years, he started getting really flirty with me, and started asking me out and making moves on me. So, we went out a few times, and I started liking him, but it was a bit awkward for me, because I had never been interested in him before he came onto me.

 

One night, he was supposed to come to my place after work just to hang out, and he never showed!!!! No phone call!!! That really made me mad, because when we were "just friends" for 4 years, he never once flaked on me, or just forgot. If he couldn't come over, he would call me. And now that we were dating, he wouldn't extend that courtesy anymore.

 

Well, I called to say, "hey how's it going? why didn't you show up?" He said he was having a problem with a roommate. (What, so he couldn't give me a 30 second phone call?) So, I wrote him a long "you suck!" e-mail, and we've never spoken since. Yup, a 4 year friendship down the drain....

 

Now, back to your story. I don't think it's you. I think it's this guy's problem, and he has some serious growing up he needs to do.

[wastedtime]

Yeah, 5 years I knew him. Down the drain.

 

 

I spoke to another friend last night....and when he asked how it's going with the I was seeing I told him... That we were initially gonna meet on Monday but that he cancelled and said Maybe we could hang on Tuesday, that he'd call back on TUesday (and never did). My friend said I was not stood up...and thinks I shouldn't let him go just yet. But I think it is a form of being stood up..don't you think?

 

If someone tells you "maybe we can hangout tomorrow..I'll call you then" and doesn't, what is that?

 

All this back and forth mentally is taxing.

[annie24]

So, wait, let's clarify. What exactly were your plans? What exactly did he say to you? If he said, "maybe we should hang out tomorrow, I'll call you..." You don't have concrete plans, but it still shows that he's not totally crazy about you. It's not really being stood up, as much as it is not getting a call. grrrr.... I'd back off and let this guy chase you.

 

I personally don't like it when someone says "are you busy tonight?" Because I'm a grad student, and all my friends are grad students, and we have busy schedules, we tend to make plans with each other 3-4 days in advance. And if a guy is constantly calling asking for dates the same day (like this one guy was to me recently), I just want to say, "You are so dumb! Do you not know how to ask a girl out 2 or 3 days in advance? That's why you're single!!!!"

 

Ok, sorry, I'm going off topic.....

 

Anyways... I wouldn't call him - see what his next move is. If he suggests seeing you either the same day or the next, tell him as nicely and sweetly as you can that you've already made plans. Hopefully, he'll catch the drift that he can't just call you whenever he's bored and needs someone to hang out with. That isn't cool.

[wastedtime]

Ok, Here's the full version of the story.

We hung out on Friday...at the end of the date he asked about Monday and said he'd call on Monday. Well Monday comes it's 4pm... I was wondering what was up and so I called him left him a message. He calls back and says he has to cancel for tonight cause he has a banquet to attend and is making a speech. I was shocked. He then said something along the lines of "What are you doing tomorrow, maybe we could hang, I'll call you tomorrow" It's blury since I was shocked.

 

When I saw him on Friday he was on his way to a nearby state for the weekend, coaching a team. And I am now just wondering if something happened on that trip that changed everything.

[annie24]

Hmmm.... I'd back off and let him call you. Banquet.... like he just had 4 hours notice about the banquet? Something smells fishy.... I'd back off, see if he starts chasing after you.... if he doesn't, then forget about him.

[wastedtime]

Hmmm.... I'd back off and let him call you. Banquet.... like he just had 4 hours notice about the banquet? Something smells fishy.... I'd back off, see if he starts chasing after you.... if he doesn't, then forget about him.

 

Yeah, that's what I thought. A banquet is something you know well in advance about, unless someone inivited him at the last minute. I don't know.

 

"See if he starts chasing you" ? How? Not respond to his calls? (if he calls) or just tell him I'm busy everytime he calls to ask me out? I don't know, like do I wanna be with someone that hardly ever calls?

You teach people how to treat you, so do I need to train him to think more often of me? by becoming harder to get?

 

He once said he doesn't chase. Hmmmm.

 

Annie24 you are a sweetheart, thanks for being there.

[annie24]

"He doesn't chase?" what kind of a thing is that to say?

 

Well, if he calls, just be non-chalant. If he says, "what are you doing tonight?" Tell him you already made other plans.

 

Just see what his behavior is and how he makes you feel. Do you ultimately really want to be with a man who only calls you 3 hours in advance, and cancels plans at the last minute? I mean, is this really the kind of guy you are interested in?

[wastedtime]

"He doesn't chase?" what kind of a thing is that to say?

 

Well, if he calls, just be non-chalant. If he says, "what are you doing tonight?" Tell him you already made other plans.

 

Just see what his behavior is and how he makes you feel. Do you ultimately really want to be with a man who only calls you 3 hours in advance, and cancels plans at the last minute? I mean, is this really the kind of guy you are interested in?

 

No, I really don't want that kind of guy. What a shame, he's a real gentlman when we're together...and a jerk when we're not. hahaha