Discusted

[hurtwou]

Grrr....im so discusted with myself and everyone is discusted with me...and do I blame them. Im such a handful, it makes me sick. I fell in Love with this guy Eddie, and I was to controlling, I called him like so many times in a day, and Im tryin to change. I ruined the best thing that could have been, and I feel so sick with myself! Anyways I dont know what to say to get him back....im not giving up, Ill give him space....Its weird, no one can understand this. we had it so good, so good, until i messed things up....I have no dout wed still be together if i didnt do what I did, with tryin to control him. I know I can get him back, its just when he does want to talk what can i say...?

[lady00]

how did you try to control him?

[hurtwou]

ok...I told him who to talk to and who to see, i always wanted to know where he was...and it was messed up and im sorry for doing it i want to change please give me some support

[lady00]

Okay...well that's tough. I'm sure you can see why he is reluctant to give you another try. As much as you say you have changed, the only way for him to believe you is to see it in your actions...and it's kind of a catch-22 cause for him to see that he would have to give you another chance but he's not giving you another chance because he doesn't see that. The thing is, nobody likes to be a guinea pig. You learned from doing certain things to him that those things will drive someone away and he probably doesn't want to be your learning experience anymore.

Is this one of your first relationships? Often the early relationships provide experience/training for future relationships but that is precisely why the earlier relationships fail but the thing is, sometimes you can't go back. I don't know if in this case you can...only he really knows that and from your previous posts it sounds like he doesn't seem to want to budge. I think the only thing you can do in that situation is to force yourself to stop trying to win him back. Force yourself to focus on other things and, at least for the momen give up on the dream you have of what the relationship was...chances are you have made it out to be a lot better than it was in your mind, which is natural but doen't really help you now. Dreaming about the past will only make you more hurt but you need to realize that moving on is part of life.

We move on from jobs, houses, boyfriends, and sometimes even friends but eventually what will happen is that you will be okay with it. You need to get to the point where you are okay being wihtout him before you can have any shot at working things out.

When someone breaks up with you and you want them back, they can ususally sense it and it can often drive them away when they are not ready or don't want to take you back. I've seen this time and time again that once that person looses that sense of security that you want them back no matter what, and sees that you are having a good life without them, it often changes the way they think about you.

You want him to think: hey, she doesn't need me, she's got a great life without me...and she has a lot going on for her without me...that's attractive and NOT: wow, she's so annoying, always asking for me back...she doesn't respect my desire not to be with her.

I don't want to give you false hope here...I'm not saying he will come back if you live your life and enjoy it...I'm saying live your life and enjoy it, period, without him because you will get to a point where you are 100% fulfilled without him and then you will be happy whether or not you ever see him again.