How did I fall for someone else so quickly? Rebound?

[freeindeed]

Is it weird that I have such strong and passionate feelings for someone else, so soon after I broke up with the ex for good?

 

A quick recap: Was with the ex for a rocky year and 8 months. He treated me like crap. About a month ago, a guy who had been eyeing me for a while started to ask about me and we started hanging out with friends in groups and stuff. Soon, he became my knight in shining armor. Fixed my tire when it got a flat, took my car to get it washed and clean, always came to visit the area where I worked (he works nearby, but not in the same place). He's so sweet. I was able to have NC with the ex for 2 weeks while I started to hang out more with this new guy, and then he threatened me, which made me want to call him. He told me he was in love with me still, I didn't want him to do anything stupid so we kinda "fell" back into our relationship for 3 days before I realized that it wasn't right, I was there only because he threatened me, not because I loved him.

 

Well, I know I find myself falling for this new guy and it's tripping me out. I don't even care what the ex is doing.

 

So is this a rebound relationship? Do you think because it's so passionate (btw, we kissed and cuddled for the first time last night) that it is just something that I'm doing to subconsciously get over the ex?

 

I'm just curious to know what you guys think, since you're able to look at it with an objective view.

[passions1]

Well it would be a rebound relationship, if you didn't really care about this guy & had plans or thoughts of getting back with your ex or meeting other future guys. Dating new people does help people get over their exes.

 

Since it sounds you really like him, just take your time & get to know each other more better before starting something you might regret. Pace yourself. There is no rush.

[kskm]

I don't know about everyone else but I consider a rebound to be someone that you don't truly 100% care about- you just care about being with someone so that when you run into your ex that he sees you with someone, or just to have someone to have sex with.

 

From what is sounds like it doesn't sound like a rebound.

[freeindeed]

Well, we're definitely not having sex, and I don't want my ex to see me with him (who knows what he'll do, he's capable of doing a lot of damage). I just really enjoy the new guy's company and he's so sweet.

[RayKay]

Only time will tell at this moment if it is a rebound or not. The only way you will know if it is a rebound is if down the road you fell for him for the wrong reasons and that it is not developing into more. For example, a rebound sometimes has you with someone not to be lonely, or because they are NOT your ex, or because they are what you wanted your ex to be, but in any case, once the initial shiny-newness and lust wears off and you see the true person, you will know whether it is a rebound or the real thing.

 

Just take things as they come, don't give away your heart too quickly, but don't hold onto it too tightly either (if you are doing either, likely you are not ready for a new relationship or are rebounding).

[freeindeed]

lol...Funny that you say that, 'cuz deep down inside, I was kinda scared and I really didn't want to rush into anything and get hurt again, so I talked to him about and told him I wanted to take it REALLY slow (holding on too tight for fear of it breaking again), but then everything just happened, and now I have this exciting feeling and I almost wanted to tell him that I loved him! (in fact, I did as a joke because of something that had happened earlier).

 

So I kinda went from one extreme to another, that's why I'm not sure if this is a rebound or what? i'm not sure what the heck it is, but I feel like as long as it keeps me from going to the ex and crying outside of his door while he just yells at me from inside, then it's a good thing.

 

Minor thing though: The ex just emailed me and casually mentioned a tv show that he thought I would like. That's it, no "how are you?" or anything like that. I hate when he does that, 'cuz it's just confusing. I'm ignoring it for now.

 

How long will the ex effect me? Granted it's a lot less than it was before the new guy came into my life...

[fate or freewill]

Seems to me to be a typical transitional relationship you are developing. Often times when one has ended a long-term relationship their emotions are in a state of turmoil, they may be feeling pain, hurt, anger sadness anxiety and fear and a loss of self-esteem and will seek affection, companionship, intimacy, support and friendship which this new relationship seems to be providing.

 

You should understand that the relationship you are creating is serving a short term interest, that of assisting you in the separation and healing process from your old relationship. When you are more settled and secure your needs will change.

 

My research indicates that the vast majority of relationships that start out this way don't stand the test of time because they were created for that specific purpose.

[freeindeed]

Oddly, I'm okay with that. Even though I have intense feelings right now, knowing (or thinking) that it will eventually end is just fine in my head. Whereas with my ex, I thought I'd die without him.

 

So, that's fine with me if it's a transitional relationship. I like that. And he, the new guy, knows what he's getting into, I've talked to him about the ex and he knows that some memories still effect me.

 

Right now, I'm just so happy that he wants to spend time with me, and cuddle with me. He's such a sweet guy!.