After all the things said, and now it all means nothing...

[Helpme86]

You talked to your gf or bf, now ex, and you said all those things to them when you were together. And by things I mean words that came from deep inside you. Now all of what you said means nothing because you are no longer togther Is that just a normal part of life?

[arwen]

Hey there,

 

I think it is part of life to feel this way, however I think the most comforting perspective is that one says things and those are not "lies" if they are not true anymore. They were true at that time, and getting over someone means accepting that there are different truths in the different phases of life.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[hurtwou]

yes, well it hurts, becuase you have all those memories....but you said those things and they said those things when you 2 were a couple and now that things arent the same, most people live on those memories

[GettingOverIt]

Ilse is 100% correct... They are not "lies" and if your ex tells you that you lied, or tries to make you feel guilty because you 'lied' then you can flat out say that you did not LIE... My exgf did that to me, and it tok me a LONG time to understand that did not lie to her... The things I said were from deeper inside me than anyone had ever been. At the time, I meant every word I said, and honestly, there are still some of those things that I will mean forever. But, things did not work out, so we move on. One day, you may find someone you will say a lot of things to, and they will be forever...

 

Don't live in the past... It will eat you alive - heart, mind and soul... Learn from your mistakes, and know in your heart that you meant what you said when you said it... All that matters is that YOU know you meant it...

[cassiana]

I totally empathise. I have always said exactly what I meant. If I lie in life at all, i'm well aware that I'm lying. In relationships if I say I love someone then I mean it. If I use the word definitely then I'm definite. I never seem to learn that other people don't think about what they say.

 

I remember once remarking to a work colleague how you meet people on holidays for example and they say "we must do this again" yet have no intention of it. She said she says that but she "means it at the time". That drives me insane. So i'm with you. I cannot understand why people aren't more careful. Now I judge people by what they do and not the crap "they mean at the time" that comes out of their mouths.

[GettingOverIt]

Cassiana, Actions, actions, actions... I have learned that the actions one performs outweighs every single word they could utter... I have been on both sides of that coin.... My actions did not match my words, and it cost me dearly. But, I have also been in the position where my actions spoke much much louder than anything I would have ever said.... You are right, for sure!