loss of self confidence

[disEnchantid]

Well, it's been almost three months since the ex and I broke up for the second, and final time. Instead of feeling better I find myself feeling worse. I have no self confidence and feel great self contempt. I joined a gym last week, and I love the classes I am taking there, but when I look in the mirror I don't like what I see. I am losing weight rapidly, and people have noticed and questioned me. I have tried to meet new people since the break up but have had no luck. I feel dejected and hopeless.

 

any tips on gaining self confidence and assurance?

 

thanks.

dE

[QTpie87]

I thought I knew the answer to that once, but I don't. If I find someone with the answer you'll be the first person I tell.

[Gunther]

Well, why do you feel bad? What reason is there to have contempt for ones self? I won't give you cliche's and tell you looks don't matter, but they arn't everything. I really don't see a reason for you to feel bad. Perhaps if you spend more time with people who already have high self confidence you would be able to get better self confidence of your own. Oh and just so you know, loosing to much weight all at once can be a bad thing. Try not to loose more than like 2-4 pounds a week, or it is bad for you. Try to just get over your ex, what is done is done, it does no one any good to cry over what is essencialy spilt milk. {notices cliche }

[may55]

I went thru this as well with a big ugly breakup a couple of years ago. At least breakups are a great diet for some of us! Ha ha! Bad joke I know.

 

Anyway, start taking care of yourself. Start treasuring yourself a bit. I dropped about 10 pounds after my breakup, at first due to depression, then starting running and exercising and kept it off in a healthy way. I also started buying clothes I NEVER would have bought whe nI was with my ex - he would have made me take them back (can we say Seven jeans!?? LOVE those). I also decided to go back to school at age 28 (30 now) for my masters... which i should have in 6 more months. Although I am still single, I feel so much better about myself. I am becoming more a woman I wanted to be.

 

Point of blabbing on here is find things, even small things, that will make you feel good. I know I may sound like Cosmo magazine here, but go out and buy something (maybe not $150 jeans), or go get into something you always wanted to do. Maybe check into school or volunteer? Something constructive and positive. I know it is hard at first. To be honest, I had to spend about $50 on iTunes to fine "theme" music on my iPod that i could just listen to when I needed to keep going on with positive stuff. Get back in touch with the wonderful person you are inside and let that person grow, take care of her. She is important... she is YOU!

 

Hope that helps and is not too cheez!

[disEnchantid]

thanks for your response May55,

 

I have been trying to do that, and joining a gym was a big treat to myself since it is reallllly expensive here. I am already in school (MA program) and am currently on summer break and working at an internship.

 

It sounds as though your ex was somewhat controlling, and it's great that you are now pursuing and buying what you want. I hope I will get to the point soon where I don't mind being single as much, right now nights are still the hardest.

 

best of luck to you,

dE

[may55]

Hey disEnchantid,

 

Quick note: Hang in there. I PROMISE you it will get better, trust me on that.

 

-May

[lisa_k]

Hi there,

 

Just wanted to post my two cents worth!:

 

Going to the gym and losing weight are two things that will absolutely help with your self-confidence. When you look good, I think you naturally feel good about yourself.

 

More importantly, I hope you're able to surround yourself with people who love you and know how wonderful you are. Moms and best friends are really good at that! They put everything into perspective for you and give you the strength and courage to do what you need to do. When you have people who are on your side no matter what, it does wonders for your self-confidence!

[disEnchantid]

thanks lisa_k,

 

I am doing my best to talk with people who love and care about me, and it does help.

 

I am trying very hard not to get too caught up in my looks but for some reason, I always focus on that after a break up. I had talked about this with my ex when we got back together. I told him that breaking up had killed my self confidence and I felt such jealousy of beautiful girls in my classes because I had this idea that if I was as beautiful as they were then guys wouldn't break up with me. He assured me that looks never played a part in our break up and that he had always found me beautiful and attractive.

 

Now that we have broken up again, I think I have lost confidence that I will be able to find someone else I am attracted to who will also be attracted to me. I am not a shallow person, by any means, but I suppose I have less confidence in men's deepness. Living in Manhattan it's plastic city and I am surrounded by beautiful, thin women all the time. I'm not overweight, but I am not thin and svelte either. And I can't afford to dress in designer clothing (nor do I want to). I go to school with a lot of very wealthy, upper class girls and I often feel awkward and out of place. I guess I tend to feel that with so many gorgeous women around, I don't stand much of a chance.

 

I've even started researching cosmetic surgery, something I never, ever thought I would consider.