About to loose the one i love

[Lawrence]

Hey all.

 

Im new here and im in dire need of help. Im 18 [male] and ive been going out with my beatiful girl for about 6 months now. Now i know it may not seem much to all you, but its an eternity to me, and i love her very much, as she does me.

 

Problem is, i have smashed everything we once had into pieces. She broke up with me last night, and sent me an email this morning.

 

you once again reverted back to your controlling ways, and it was then that i finally realized that you would never learn if i continued to stick around

 

Thats about the jist of it. She has many male friends and i just get so jelous and controlling. I dont tell her that she cant go, but i am controlling. She loves me so much that she basically pushed all her friends away... Now i know that this could not be the way to go, but i just dont know what to do. Yesterday she told me she had lunch with her friend ryan at work (they work together) and thats what caused us to break up, because i got jelous.

 

She says i make her feel like she has a chain and ball around her leg.

 

maybe now that our relationship is over, you will be forced to see your faults, and feel the need to change them as soon as possible to save this relationship

 

When ever she mentions another male, i get upset. She cant go to lunch with them because ill get upset. She cant talk to them on the phone because ill get upset. Shes driven everyone away and we both cant handle it.

 

I dont know what to do, i need to save this relationship, and i need to get rid of my controlling and jelous ways. This is my last resort. I have looked everywhere and i dont know what to do. Help me.

[teza]

It's ok me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years now and i am 16 in august. We have the same problem. We both get jelous of each other so it was so hard at first. We were so bad that we wouldnt even allow each other to talk with other boys and girls or even look at them.

 

Maybe you need to sit down and explain to her how you feel and try to come to some sort of agreement i know its hard but it will work out i hope anyway. Talk about how you are jelous and it hurts you to see her with other men and talk about them and maybe she feels the same but is scared of admitting it. i highly doubt it but talking may work things out for you

[Lawrence]

Unfortuantly we have talked about this many many times. She knows exactly how i feel. Talking wont help, only changing will.

 

And im very willing to change, because i love this girl and i want to spend the rest of my life with her...

[teza]

I understand where you are coming from. It is also very hard to change. It took me and my boyfriend about 1 year and trust me it was pain. But if you are willing to change for your love for this girl you may be quicker like she said to save it.

[heloladies21]

I won't lie to you, it might take losing this relationship for you to learn to calm down about the jealousy. It happened to me in my 1st relationship years ago. For now, don't try to "save this relationship". Things need to cool down or else you will push her away more by being needy and pressuring. Calm down, relax. Go into No Contact cause she called it quits and keep busy with all kinds of activities. Talk to other chicks. Just normal conversations will help you get your mind off of things for a while. Give it a couple of weeks and see what happens. If she wants to give it another go, take it slow. If she moves on quickly, then be glad it's over cause she never cared about you anyways.

[Lawrence]

Arghh this isnt what i wanted to hear.

 

She wont be here in 2 weeks. Shes made that quite clear. Maybe if we just become "mutal friends" for a couple of weeks, but i dont know how that will help either of us.

 

Edit: ****, i forgot to mention. She knows how hard it is for me to loose my jelously and she understands, its mainly just the controlling issue. Should i just not say anything when im jelous and change the conversation really quick?

[heloladies21]

Not a good idea to hold it inside. Makes you blow up in the furure. Has to be an internal change and you can't force it. Friends never works either. Just leads to a slow death for the dumpee.

 

I don't like the ultimatum she gave you about changing your controling attitude or else etc. right after she broke up with you. Looks too much like a power struggle between you 2 and that's never a good thing in a relationship. If she's not going to be around in 2 weeks, you're wasting your time with this girl. She doesn't give a &%*# about you and you should spend your valuable time enjoying your life and working on finding someone who really cares.

[DN]

Should i just not say anything when im jelous and change the conversation really quick?

 

If you have no reason to be jealous then yes, do that.

 

I notice she said

Quote:

maybe now that our relationship is over, you will be forced to see your faults, and feel the need to change them as soon as possible to save this relationship

 

This seems a little contradictory but maybe there is still hope.

[misery12]

Has she ever given you actual FACTS to be jealous.. ie: has she cheated on you before, have you heard rumours of her kissing another guy, has she ever snuck out, or lied to you abot where she's been.

 

If no... you have NOTHING.. NOTHING.. to worry about.

This girl has told you many times over and over that shes loves you, and only you.. and you cannot seem to take this in. It's soo easy.. it's right there for you to take, and hold onto.. and you're letting jealousy steal that from you. you have nothing to be jealous about..

 

Face it, you cannot keep one person from talking to anyone.. that's against their rights.. she has the RIGHT to talk to whoever she wants, look at whoever she wants, whenever she wants.. and if you cannot realize this harsh bit of reality, you are just plain not ready for a relationship with this girl.. or maybe anyone else for a while.

 

When you feel jealous, swallow your pride and tell her you're happy for her.. you'll feel better later on.. believe me.

Just think if you were in her position, would you want to have to double think all of your everyday actions to suit your partners nagging needs?

would you want somebody complaining everyday to you .. if you push her, she'll pull away.. as she's done.

 

Let this be a big sign man.. you have nothing to worry about with her.

 

Tell her that you feel that you cannot go on without her, and the only way you'll get past this, is to be with her. Tell her that you are willing to put all your time/energy into this relationship until it suits both your needs.

 

It's not just about you, it has to be 50/50.. meet half way.. you obviously talk to girls in the run of your day.. that doesn't mean you want to tear their clothes off and sleep with them.. and even if you did want to.. you wouldn't, I know you wouldn't.. because you love her, and she loves you. Get it?

[Lawrence]

Well..actually no.

 

You see... (and yes i know i should have mentioned this before) my ex gf cheated on me. Long story short, i dont have any girl friends. I only have me mates. She on the other hand, has heaps of guy friends. I guess i feel like im only a piece of a 100 piece pie.

 

I know she would never cheat on me. She has been true to me in every single way. I have no reason to be jelous, its just hard for me to absorb all the information. Any tips, you think i should just swallow my pride and see how it feels later on?

[Spirits Away]

You better go out and get to know more girls. You screwed it up by not having any female friends, not over jealousy. Everyone gets jealous; they have a reason to get jealous. If you're overly jealous then i have nothing to say, but jealousy is an emotion that's been around ever since you are born.

 

Plus, In cases like these, it's better to create situations to see if the girl has what it takes to be trustworthy instead of focusing your attention on just your jealousy emotion. Find a way to handle it.

 

If you're with female friends and she gets jealous, case solved. She truly understands you.

 

If you hang around female friends and she doesn't get jealous, that tells you she's a trustable person who wouldn't cheat on you.

 

I don't know how to solve your problem now. Just learn from it for now.

 

One way to get rid of jealousy is to not need. Train yourself to do that first

 

Good luck to you, hope you can learn from it, not for her, but for yourself.

[7CardStud]

You just have to realize that she is with you... I know u are prolly like "whatever, i know that..." I use to be the same way, but you need to think about that... She is WITH YOU, not them YOU. She WON'T cheat on you, because she WANTS to be with you.

 

Once you get that, you won't have any trouble with jealousy, although that took me a LONG time to figure out haha...

[shell_bell456]

Son, you need some anger management. If you love her, then you've got to give her some space. She did the right thing by breaking up with you. You have NO right to tell her who she can and can't hang out with, that is NOT your decision. So, you can fix things and have her back, or keep behaving like a 2 year old and have a series of failed relationships for the rest of your life. Get over it, you're the ONLY one who can control YOUR behavior.