Still haunting Me...

[EpicOfAnguish]

This will be a long one...

 

One year ago mu husband (W) had this ugly liason with a girl on the net. I need to tell the whole story so everone knows where I am coming from.

 

We both post on a message board devoted to a local band. This girl, ® suddenly popped up on the board. No one knew who she was (most of the people on this board know each other, since they are all local music fans.) This girl was from another state, and apparently just stumbled apon this board. She was very rude and condescending to all the women on the board, while being very flirtatous and overtly sexual to all the men.

 

One day she emailed W out of the blue, and basically came on to him. He told me about it, and said he's let me read it if I was curious. (I didn't ask him to read it, he offered.) In the letter she told him about her illustrious modelling career, her fetishes, her sexual escapades. She sent him a link to her yahoo profile with the discalimer (If you don't want to see me naked, don't look at my profile, and feel special, because I save these pictures for special people only.) The profile did not showcase a naked picture. It showcased a badly photoshopped pic of someone (Don't know if it was really her. She was actually chubby (Illustrious modeling career huh?) She also claimed they had SO much in common, but the only thing was she took piano when she was a kid and he plays keyboards.

 

Over the next few weeks she proved in the message board that she is a liar i.e

 

-She said she lived in SOUTHERN Kentucky, but in another post she said she can see the Ohio river from her Kitchen window.

-She claimed to be best friends with a world renowned Tattoo artist, and he did all her work for free, yet she couldn't tell us his name, and in the pictures she proudly displayed in her yahoo profile, I didn't see ONE SINGLE TATTOO! And she said she was "very heavily" tattooed. Also, how many heavily tattooed models do you know?

-She bragged about all the money she spends on her dreadlocks every month, but in another post she said she dyed her hair on a weekly basis with manic panic temperary dye. Well, as a user of manic myself, I know none of their products work on dreadlocks.

 

I could go on with that list, but I think you get the picture.

 

Also, over the next few weeks she sent W some very explicit messages, Like: "What do I have to do to get some attention from you, stand on my head naked and shove my lusious *** in your face?" I know about that one because he told me about it. They got very flirtatious on the board right out in the open. Whenever I tried to be flirty with him on the board he would ignore me. One of his male friends (who is also on the board) actually ?ed him at one point, in the way of "Dude, your married, don't you think you should stop this?"

 

Whenever she would email him he would brag to me about it. Saying things like "Gawd she wants me so bad." But he wouldn't show me the mails like he did the first one, and he wouldn't even tell me what she said. He downloaded yahoo messenger just to talk to her (he would never let me download it to talk to my best friend out of state because he said it would mess up the computer, but now he's suddenly willing to take that risk). She suddenly changed all her yahoo interests to match his too.

 

He did this (the downloading), while I was at work. He claimed to be sick that day. He complained to me all morning about how sick he was, only so he could stay home, download YIM, and talk to her all day wiothout me knowing. He wasn't even sick.

 

In the time this was going on, he insulted me, saying things like "Why did I have to meet her NOW when I'm with YOU. Where was she when I was SINGLE? I am SO unlucky." One day when I was leaving for work (another day he faked sick) I asked him what he was going to do that day (in a friendly nonchalant way). He said "Well I don't have time to drive to Kentucky, but that's what I WANT to do." He told me he wanted her to come up here. And she also talked about coming up here on the board.

 

He had to have YIM on 24/7 because she might IM him. He suddenly didn't want to kiss me anymore. He started sleeping on the couch every night. He started asking me to cover my face when we had sex. He suddenly wanted sex all the time (sometimes 4 times a day) when he never wanted it that much before. But he always said none of this had to do with her and it was coincidence.

 

I didn't take this all with a grain of salt. We fought horribly the whole time all of this was going on. He professed that he was keeping in contact with her NO MATTER WHAT. He didn't care what I wanted.

 

The final straw was whn I came home from work (on another "sick day." He was all happy and giddy. I was on the computer not even thinking about his YIM being on. A very explicit IM from her popped up. Wen I went in the other room and told him what happened, he laughed at me. He told me he was disgusted at my lack of trust, that I was acting like a teenager, and to grow the **** up. He then went out to the living room and talked to her for a bit. I demanded he move over and let me talk to her. He wouldn't. He ended up telling her (in a very sugar coated way) that thier thing was upsetting me. She proceeded to insult me, calling me every name in the book. He didn't defend me. Then she called him a few names.

 

I was ready to leave for a few days. I had had enough. But I ended up staying and being very cold to him (I didn't really have anywhere to go.)

 

Strange thing is, she never IMed him again, she never came to the board again either. We don't know what happened to her. It's like she dropped off the face of the earth.

 

Now it is a year later. I have told my story. I can't forget this. I haven't even really forgiven him. I find it hard to trust him. It's still haunting me, and it is driving me crazy.

 

I want to hear what you think of my situation, then and now. Please?

[kskm]

Wow girl. I can't believe that you are still with this jack. There are a couple of things that I wanted to say and ask.

 

When he asked you cover up your face while you two were having sex.. what did you say? Totally blows my mind that you are still with him after that!!!!! And not to mention all of the other things that you said. This one tops it all.

 

Do you think that you are not good enough to find someone that will love and respect you?? I think that you need to serious sit down and think about what you want and need out of a relationship and look at what your current relationship is offering you and lacking.

 

No one should ever be told that their husband wants to go see another women- or that someone wants them so bad!!

 

This is mind blowing. I hope you realize that this is no cool , not normal, not respectable, and for you to put up with this you are lowering yourself to a level that no one should ever be at.

[DN]

I think he behaved exceeding badly, he was online cheating for all intents and purposes, he was insulting, mean and nasty to you and I am amazed you didn't divorce him over it.

 

But you did not and it was a year ago. Surely it is time to either deal with it and move on, or leave him if you can't get past it?

 

How has he been since she stopped e-mailing? Do you still love him and do you want the relationship to work and be happy? If so, you should go to counselling together to resolve this issue and get it behind you once and for all.

[lady00]

I want to hear what you think of my situation, then and now. Please?

 

I think he treated you like dirt and he doesn't deserve you. I am wondering like the other posters are...why are u still with him? What are the good points in the relationship that make you stay and do they outweigh all the negatives?

[Strictly4MyGrind]

Why actualy ARE you still with him? Cause of all things you said i think most girls would have left at the first thing he did....Or maybe im wrong?

[EpicOfAnguish]

He has been very apologetic since this happened. But I just can't help but wonder if he'll do it again. Now that we work different hours and I am working every day when he is home, it is drudging up bad feelings in my head. We are going to counceling now. I just have a real hard time trusting him.

 

I look back now and kick myself for not leaving that night (I don't mean for good, just a few days to teach him a lesson. It was snowing horrible out though, and I didn't really think it would be safe. The roads were really bad and it was coming down hard that night.

 

I do love him. I didn't cover my face during sex. We got into a huge fight over him asking me to do that.

 

I also want to hear some opinions on her. Do you guys think this girl sounds kind of nuts. Maybe you won't see it that way because you didn't see her posts like I did. If nothing else I think she was very fake. She claimed to be mauled by a dog when she was younger and be scarred badly on her face. But still able to have a career as a model...? Kskm, you are a model, I'm sure this is interesting to you. And she would go ON and ON about irrelivent things in her life. I'm talking really long posts about losing her car keys, looking for a new apartment, etc. Obviously she was very self centered to think we were all THAT intrigued with her.

 

When she disapeared her profiles stayed up, ao I can show you guys a pic:

link removed

 

She thought she was God's gift...

[DN]

Well, first of all - Eww!!

 

Secondly, how did he know it is her.

 

And how does he know she is a she and not a he playing an elaborate joke.

 

Get some counselling to lay this issue down and get yourselves back on track.

[EpicOfAnguish]

Well, he didn't know it was her, he just kept insisting it was.

 

I also want to mention I proved her to be a plagiarist as well. She posted this poem, and I knew it sounded familiar. Well I searched it out on the net, and it was lyrics to a Kidneythieves song, lol. I know that is irelevent, but I am just very angry.

[Cynder]

OOOOHHHH, look at MEEE, I'm dipping my saggy boooobs in dishwater !

 

I am a photoshop wizard, and for one, that pic is heavily photoshopped. So if it is her, not much of it is real anyway.

 

Also, I am knowledgeable about the body art culture. I can tell you this, no "world renowned" ink artist does work for free. Especially not heavy work. And where are all her tats in the pic?

[ReadyorNot]

FIRST of all.... the fact that he asked you to cover your face during sex should have been enough to tell him to get lost...

 

 

I didnt think that chick had saggy boobs, so that really offends me.. but she isnt pretty at all...

[bellamcb]

It strikes me that you keep returning to her in your posts. Who cares about her? He's your husband. If some psycho approached my husband I would assume he had the good sense to stay away from her. I appreciate how this is upsetting to you and how you're angry with this woman but the bottom line is your husband did this. He caused it by reacting at all. He made it worse by insulting you and being absolutely hateful.

 

I know in these situations it's difficult not to hate the woman (or man as the case may be), but the married person is the one responsible.

 

I hope you can focus more on him, your marriage and your lives together as a healthy couple and not worry or even think about her. She isn't the problem.

 

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh. I'm appalled and sincerely hope you can get through this.

[kskm]

Um ok. I looked at the picture.

 

I have worked with hundreds of thousands of girls.. and some were pretty and some were not. From what is sounds like she is probably taking part of the truth and twisting it a bit.... if it IS her picture then she is probably a porn star or a model for really dirty mens magazines like V2 and such... or it could just be a picture of someone else.

 

She doesn't look tattooed either, as you mentioned... but she could have her back tattooed as a lot of girls do and can definitally get away with it if she's into porn- video or magazine. (And the only reason I came to the conclusion of porn is because she was very graphic with what she said to your husband- which most girls in that industry are- I've seen it ALL. And because of the picture. Most porn stars or mens magazine girls have to do shoots that involve staging- which that picture definitally was)

 

But I also agree- forget the girl and think about your husband. You deserve to be treated with the upmost respect!!

[EpicOfAnguish]

I was giving examples about her so you guys would understand how low her credibility was. It's not that I just think about HER while not considering HIM. Believe me, I am angry at him too. That is the root of my problem here. And, despite what someone said, I think I do have a right to be angry with her too, because she knew he was married, and continued to persue him. She also attacked me several times on the board. I guess I just wondered if she seemed fake or if it was just me.

 

As far as the whole tattoo thing, that isn't the only pic I saw. Through the course of this she posted about 12 different pics on different profiles. Just about every part of her body showed at one point, and there were no tattoos.

[Cynder]

ReadyorNot, I didn't mean to offend anyone. A lot of people are offended by my sense of humor. They didn't exactly look perky though.

 

I model for a Gothic clothing website. I guess I could 'technichally' call myself a model, even though I'm just a factory worker. A lot of people say they are models when in reality they aren't. She doesn't look like model meterial to me.

 

I think you have every right to be angry with her as well as him because she knew he was attatched. Also, the fact that your husband would get all excited about someone like that has got to be devestating.

[OceanEyes]

Is she wearing pink rubber gloves and leaning over the sink? Classy! image removed

 

Anyhow, she's completely irrelevant. You don't have to live with her and share your life with her. Your man's behaviour is what you're upset with, not this confused, tacky, compulsive liar who frequented the same music board as you guys did. Your husband should have told her to buzz off right from the start. Her credibility and sanity aren't going to change how your husband behaved.

 

I would never be able to get over the things he's said/ done. There really isn't a way to justify or get past the memory of the man you love flaunting his craving for sex with someone else in front of your face, humiliating you publicly, and asking you to cover your face while you have sex.

 

So he's been apologetic. So what? What's going to happen the next time a girl shows some kind of interest in him? Don't you think it's going to happen all over again?

 

You say that he's been "very apologetic", and obviously you've believed what he's said because you're still there. Just out of curiosity, how did he justify his behaviour? Usually when someone apologizes, they say something like, "I'm sorry I did this, but I did it because ....". What reasons did he give?

[EpicOfAnguish]

He gave me a monopoly of excuses. "She was a music fan..." "She was hot." "I am not used to getting that kind of attention..."

 

One of his female friends (who he says is like a sister to him) tried to tell him what he was doing was wrong. He got very angry and told her she didn't know what the **** she was talking about. It just amazes me that not only would he do this to me, but that he would hurt a good friend over some chic he only knows online.

 

I am a music fan too, I give him more then enough attention, and I am good looking. (I have a thing about posting pics of myself, so please take my word for it.)

 

He has asked me "What would you do if this GORGEOUS guy came on to you online like she did me?" Well, seeing that I've HAD gorgeous guys make passes at me online I can honnestly say I politely told them I wasn't interested.

 

I want to cry just typing this...

[DN]

Maybe both of you should be avoiding those sorts of sites. But I do think it is time to get past this one way or another.

[lady00]

His excuses are so lame! Unless he stops making excuses and realizes that what he did was 110% wrong and that there is no justifying it then he has learned nothing and is likely to repeat this. Unless you can get to a point where you can stop thinking about what he did then I don't see how the relationship can work out. Sorry if that sounds harsh and I know its not easy being in love with someone who has done you wrong but you need to be strong and don't let him throw excuses at you. Stand your ground on this one. Don't let him try to justify what he did. Also, consider the possibility that this man may not be the one for you. good luck.

[Cynder]

Here is another thing to think on...

 

Did this thing between them end because he wanted it too, or did it end because SHE stopped contacting him? Just a thought.

[lady00]

Here is another thing to think on...

 

Did this thing between them end because he wanted it too, or did it end because SHE stopped contacting him? Just a thought.

 

Good point. Would he have continued the cyber relationship if she hadn't dropped off the face of his computer screen or did he decide that he was hurting you too much and was being a jerk? Cause if he didn't want to break it off but was only forced to and is making all these excuses, I don't see how he can change and treat you better.

[EpicOfAnguish]

Well, I am back after a few days of stewing...

 

Yes it is a good point, and now I am really wondering if I should confront him with this. I can't believe how stupid I was for not thinking of this before. SHE ended it, not HIM. Now I really do have things to think about...