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An ode to Granny D


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You really have to understand the story behind this to find it funny.

Where i go to college we found this really nice little shop that sells stuff for next to nothing. The shopkeeper is very old and we sometimes joke that she is Granny D or Granny Death.


Its not meant maliciously

We buy alsorts i.e Toffee drumsticks and Vimto, as the poem explains.


Me and my friends always buy VERY unhealthy sweets from there:

Here is my ode:



Granny D, you're the one for me.

Prices so low, they're practically free

To find you was luck, some drumstick me up

There are no others I see.


I love to purchase your sugary treats

You marketing is Oh so sweet

Pleasure at a reasonable price

Your dirty daughter's a visual delight.


I search the street for one more sweet

The task that's set is quite a feat

Now I leave for one more day

That plaque I have is here to stay


Granny D, you know the score

Because of you I'm a sugar w***e

Standing on the street at night

Aching for candy delight


You'll be in heaven soon some day

That, my dear's not far away

They say that you will bite the dust

Buts its you who feeds my carbo lust


You take so long to serve me goods

With prices so sweet they reduce me to floods

I shed a tear, you take a year

But you move it the way you should


I know I found you later on

The shop before did cost a bomb

You brought me cheer for half the year

Although my moneys gone


Coz of you I fell off the wagon

I shop 'D's' between the blaggin'

Sucrose sweet, so good to eat

I fear my will is flagging


Although she knocks on heavens door

Soon to be six feet under the floor

I will return to Leigh, to gaze upon thee

I shall love you evermore


Why do you tease me so with your Vimto cartons

If you ever closed I'd be disheartened

So now I leave the mean streets of Leigh

I declare my love for Granny D.




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