I HATE HIM!!!

[amour_13]

So my dad doesnt like my best friend for no apparent reason. He assumes that I lie to him about where I am all the time when I almost always tell him the truth. I hate him.. I really do. He wants to keep me so close to him and all he is doing is pushing me away further. We have never been close since i grew up... I cant tlak to him bc he alwyas tells me hwo im wrong.. etc.

I just dont know what to do. My mom just tells me thats how he is.. you have to remember that, but Im tired of remembering and compensating him. Why cant he just let me be happy just for once let me live my life?

Idk what to do.. Im only 16 and have another year before i graduate... any advice?

 

(he can never do anything without me... movies... dinner... etc. I have to be included in everything and if i say no... he gets mad and they end up not going.)

 

And Im tired of hearing my mom lecture me about how I should handle things... bc no matter how I handle it.... its wrong. Its always the wrong time... etc.

[QTpie87]

Here is my idea for you, consider it please lol. ok sit down and talk to him, then say hey dad lets set aside one day a week where we can spend a few hours that day and do something together, movie, dinner, bowling whatever , but I want a little bit of friend time too.

tell him you don't lie to him about what you do and to please just trust you, let him meet and hang out with your friends and you a few times. It works! He may be scared of losing you, you say you are graduating in only one more year, that's fast for most people, that's when i graduated too just this year age 17 and my grandpa did the same thing to me and I feel like it's cause he thought he was losing me too fast and i'm growing up and going to college soon blah blah blah. same is probably going on with your dad. just keep in mind that you never know how long you will have a loved one around, never hate them, forgive them, what you see in others that you hate the most is really what you hate the most about yourself. what im tryign to say is just try to appretiate the time with your dad. I didn't take the time I should have with one of my friends and now I'll never see him again until i die if you get what im saying (he's dead).

im not saying that will happen to your dad don't take it liek that, it's just idk take family seriously and spend the time you can with them.

 

as for the trust thing eh I know how you feel. ask him to trust you more. you know the other day my cousin and i got up way early and because of that my pa thought we were up to somethign. parents and grands are odd like that. they just need to trust but they wont unless you open up to them, tell them stuff, and spend time with them, show them they can trust you.

ok im done sorry I wrote you a freaking book.

good luck.

Qtpie87

[QTpie87]

yeah typing is just somethign us teens and well everyone almost these days need lol. well ok not need but we're hella good at it he he.

[Hope75]

I remember when I was 16 and I knew everything......*sigh*

 

Seriously, it is probably more your hormones flying all over the place and your desire to be an independent adult when you are not old enough to be that is causing the friction between you and your father.

 

You should consider yourself lucky, alot of dads don't make time for their children the way yours does with you.

 

My advice is to suck it up and spend the time with him, when you are 18 and off to college he won't be seeing much of you and then it's off to your career and before you know it you've got your own thing going on and he sees you every few months.

 

This won't last forever. Two more years and you will go to college or be in the work force and can make your own choices and pay your own rent and live your own life.

 

You won't forget the time he wanted to spend with you, even if right now you cannot appreciate it.

[amour_13]

QtPie,

I would very much like to sit down adn talk to me dad... but he does not listen. If I told him I wasnt lying.. hed call me a liar get mad and send me to my room. Ive tried.. He was cheated on in his first marriage... his live in g/f left him for another girl... he has major trust issues is my point. Ive tried those things.. but it just seems pointless.

[amour_13]

I do not think I know everything! I dont mean to be defensive... but you dont know everything about the situation to tell me something like that. You do not know my father.

I dont know what he is protecting me from b/c she is the best person that I hang out... she doesnt drink, smoke, drugs..l nothing. Some of my other friends drink... he even lets me hang out with a 22 yr. old who drinks often before hed let me hang out with my friend. Shes never done anything to make him t]hink her bad or anything.

 

QTpie,

When I invited her to eat lunch with us... and my dad cooked. HE would not come and eat at the table with us... he waited until after we were done. So even my attempts to involve him in our friendship was pointless.

[hurtwou]

Oh God, my dad is the same way, but probably worse, he hates ALL my friends doesnt want me dating, and I get so mad....I was going thru a stage where I hated him for so long, but I guess I realized he cares about me and he wants to do whats best...its annoying trust me I know, but hes your dad you need to listen to him until your 18, i know it sucks buts thats how life is

[Pressfit]

I do not think I know everything! I dont mean to be defensive... but you dont know everything about the situation to tell me something like that. You do not know my father.

I dont know what he is protecting me from b/c she is the best person that I hang out... she doesnt drink, smoke, drugs..l nothing. Some of my other friends drink... he even lets me hang out with a 22 yr. old who drinks often before hed let me hang out with my friend. Shes never done anything to make him t]hink her bad or anything.

 

QTpie,

When I invited her to eat lunch with us... and my dad cooked. HE would not come and eat at the table with us... he waited until after we were done. So even my attempts to involve him in our friendship was pointless.

 

 

I'm assuming this is your reply to my post. Am I right? No I don't know every thing about the situation, or you, or your friends, yet I see my carrot dangling intro brought you out in such a way that I can see your basic attitude. And I think you're too intense about the whole matter.

But please excuse me if I seem to be blunt. I have two daughters of my own 27 and 29 years old now so I just think I might have some experience in these things. Both my daughters had friends I did not really care for at all... male and female.

 

I bet many, many others have had the same. So it's just human nature to connect with some and not with others no matter the age of the person. I just don't get the part where you say he likes the one(22) whom drinks, but not the one who doesn't. There's some dynamics going on I don't get here.

[amour_13]

Pressfit,

You are proving my point completely... my dad does to my friend as you are doing to me... he judged her without every knowing the entire story.

 

yet I see my carrot dangling intro brought you out in such a way that I can see your basic attitude. And I think you're too intense about the whole matter.

 

Im intense about the situation bc I refuse to give up her frienship as he wants me to do. I have given up friendships with three guys... and stopped hanging out with my cousin because he did not "connect" with them. She is the first friend ive had that ever actually listened to me and I will not give up that luxury. So yes, I am intense about the situation b/c she is a once in a lifetime friend and he is asking me to give that up. I understnad not liking her but I do not understnad not letting me see her. maybe im just a naive 16 yr. old though.

 

I just don't get the part where you say he likes the one(22) whom drinks, but not the one who doesn't. There's some dynamics going on I don't get here

 

My point in stating that he lets me hang out with a 22 yr. old who drinks regularly over my 17 yr. old friend who does not drink at all was I dont understnad why he dislikes her bc she has never done anything bad. To be honest, she keeps me out of trouble more than she gets me in it... so i dont understand his motives for protecting me as you stated in your other post.

[amour_13]

Pressfit,

BTW, I forgot one little detail.

 

You never bonded with your father probably because you won't let it happen.

 

My dad and I do have a bond... but its lose. This is b/c when I was a kid, he was always to busy with other peoples kids... coaching etc. to spend time with me. THen he got a night job and was just tired, (which he did to support my mom and me so I understood that). By the time he was ready to get close with me... I was tired of being left out. I will admit that openly.

 

As for me hating my dad... No I dont... and I never will. But when I am mad my temper gets the best of me and I saw things that I dont entirely mean... got that from him too.

[Hope75]

By the time he was ready to get close with me... I was tired of being left out. I will admit that openly.

 

It's understandable that you wonder what right he has to become more actively involved in your life now that he has what seems like more time to do so. Why not give him that chance though? At least he is trying to make up for lost time.

 

My dad and I are somewhat distant, I have 2 sisters and a brother and he worked very hard at a blue collar job, sometimes 18 hours a day, to keep us fed and clothed. It's tough balancing everything out when you are a parent.

 

Try to think of it from his perspective. In two years you can make your own choices about friends and see whomever you choose.

[amour_13]

He doesnt know that she is my g/f. Idk why he doesnt like her. And I cant tak to him and ask... he doesnt talk much.

 

Hope 75,

I agree that I should give him another chance... especially since its my senior year; however, he chose to spend time with other kids instead of me while I was a kid . It hurt... and I cant let that go. Im just like him... I just dont let things go. I try but something will remind me of it and the anger and the hurt pours back to me.