friends first?

[kungfumaster]

Hi everyone,

 

Just wondering if you've ever been in a situation where you were dating someone and on the first date, you both started kissing and petting heavily, and then one party asks to slow down, because he/she is uncomfortable going so fast, so asks if we can be friends first??

 

That basically happened to me, except, well, we talked on the phone for a 3 weeks almost every day before our first date, and I felt like I knew her (well, know alot about her anyways), so I felt comfortable.

 

She basically wants to be friends first, and well, I want to be more than friends to be honest because I like her alot.

 

Is it fair of me move on because she and I want different things at this point in our lives? Because to be honest, after she told me she just wanted to be friends first, I wasn't very interested. Is there something wrong with me?? I feel guilty too because when she asked me if she can call me, I asked her why she wants to call me?? And then she just went silent after that. We haven't talked since. That was last Saturday.

 

What do you guys think?? Am I a loser for wanting more and not willing to wait and be friends with her first??

 

Please be honest. I need someone else's perspective on this.

Thanks a bunch.

Kung fu

[Stinkweed]

Well, I as a very impatient guy (and I'm definitively not cut out for this stuff... see my thread link removed and give me your opinion... I don't care if I'll look "worse", I'll just do it.), would say that I would've done the same thing you did... Except you're 30 already, which makes it even more justifiable. And I don't mean to sound like guys should be expecting sex since day 1, but being "just friends" first is kinda not what I would have in mind... I mean, you might as well be hanging out with your friends, then. Not worrying about anything... Dunno, that's just what I think.

[jackknive]

I know from my point of view, I want to be friends with the guys i really like. If i think its just to have a bit of fun for a while, then i am more likely to just date and have fun. The ones I am intrested in and want it to last with, I wanna be friends and get to know the, first.

 

I guess from a guys point of view, the sexual part means u care more, but i know from me and my friends, when we care about a guy and REALLY like him, thats when we slow down and dont have sex, or whatnot right away

[kungfumaster]

Thanks both of you for your point of view. Its not that I want sex from her right away - I mean, I'm comfortable with just kissing and touching here and there, but its just that she treats me like a friend that I'm not too fond about. You know - like she can blow me off for another friends one night - I mean, that's fine, but I don't feel like I'm very important to her.

 

For example, I specifically PLANNED to see her last weekend, and she wanted to see me too and we agreed to see each other. But, when I tried calling her on Thursday and Friday (to plan for the weekend), she never picked up (she explained it was her job, but still, she could have emailed me afterwards to explain, but she never did, and I left so many messages and called so many times), and so I thought somethings wrong - she doesn't want to see me anymore.

 

But then, I decided to try to call her one more time, and this is now SATURDAY afternoon, and she asked me how come I didn't give her a call today?? I was like I tried to give you a call Thursday and Friday many times, but you didn't pick up or even give me an email!! And on top of that since I didn't call her early on Saturday, she decided to go work that Saturday night, and all of Sunday, which meant that I couldn't see her for the whole weekend WHAT? was my reaction. We agreed that I we were going to spend some time together this weekend, and I tried calling you on Thurs. and Friday but you didn't reply back in any form, so what was I suppose to think?? Also, couldn't you have emailed me at least to tell me what was going on?? So, in my mind, I felt like she just didn't want to see me because she decided to go work instead (which she could have easily said no to).

 

I don't know, I just feel like she's not at all serious about me. Even my friends wouldn't treat me like that, i.e., when we agree to see each other, we agree to see each other, and my friends would at least try to email me if I tried to call them a many times. I don't know. I just feel so disrespected and not even treated like a good friend, let alone a boyfriend. If this is how she treats friends, then I wouldn't want to be her friend, let alone her boyfriend.

 

Sorry, needed to vent.

[Mun]

Hi there,

Ok first I was going to address your question because I have just recently asked someone to "slow things down" a bit because in my case I want to see that there is more to it than just sex. He knows this and now with reading your post I'm wondering if that was a bad move

Anyway...

But about the second part. I think she is being inconsiderate in not calling you back or letting you know that plans have changed. I suggest you tell her straight out next time you see her what you are feeling about all this. Let her explain herself and if you aren't satisfied with what she says then maybe it's best to let her go.