Where to go from here?

[DaisyMN]

My boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. Prior to him breaking up with me, I felt him pulling away and when I said that I thought I should stay at my place for the weekend (we live an hour apart - he lives in my hometown and I would spend the weekends up there) he jumps in with he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't know if he ever loved me. Geez, talk about harsh especially when he was the one who pursued me. Anyways, two months after that, his younger sister contacts me and we start hanging out and I begin to see his family often and when they ask me to stop by and visit it's hard for me to say no. Although it's has been difficult at times to be around his family and just hearing anything about him, I've pushed my feelings aside because I do care about them and they do care about me and would like to see us back together, but it's out of my hands. During this time, I also made the mistake of sleeping with him twice after going over there with his sister. I'm ticked at myself that I honestly believed that it might lead to a reconciliation when I should have known better than that. He says he's confused and doesn't know what he wants. I also asked him if it bothers him that I spend time with my familiy because I know that if the situation was reversed, I wouldn't like it one bit and he said "no, I don't mind it all."

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm in limbo and don't know where to go from here.

[lifeiscash]

Sounds to me "He's just not that into you"

 

I know, it sucks, it really does but think of the breakup as a good thing. Did you really want to stay in that relationship longer even after he said all that to you, how he didn't love you etc.

 

When people say they are confused and don't know what they want, I don't believe that at all. Don't get me wrong, I believe that they can be confused with themselves but not confused with you. If they REALLY want to be with you, then they will and if they wont... they will usually use that line to fulfill themselves. Either way, give it time and walk away from it. Your only going to hurt yourself because it seems you are the only one with the feelings.. make sense?

 

And don't think thats a bad thing either. It's a GOOD thing to open up to people and love and cheerish them. It's better then living your life in fear and shutting everyone out. Think about how much you learned while being with this guy..

 

I understand its hard when you were close to his family but you have to figure out what YOU want, not what you think the FAMILY wants. And your right by how its out of your control.. I suggest do the only thing you really can do.. and that is to move on.

[DaisyMN]

That was pretty much what I have been keeping in the back of my mind...but in denial. I think the more desperately I want to move on, the more I am afraid to because then it will finally be done and I feel like it has all been a waste. I also feel like I get sucked back in when somebody makes a comment that it sounds like my ex misses me, etc. It's too much emotional stress to analyze everything that's being done or said.

 

This is just something that I've never had to go through before and ironically, two previous relationships I have had, I've been the dumper, but I got back together with them both and gave it another chance because you never know and it sucks that I'm not given the same opportunity to get things right a 2nd time. I know life isn't always fair, but I feel like I worked so darn much on myself these past few months and I'm still sittin' in limbo wondering what it's all for.

[overtheedge]

I also would do anything for a second chance.

 

I believe when he says that he never loved you, that is him trying to re-write history. He may look back and wonder why he did, but he did love you at one time. I believe that our feelings for another person are based on our thoughts of that person. Since his thoughts of you have changed, he has begun to doubt the entire relationship.

 

This is how the entire "I love you but I'm not in love with you" thing goes also. I believe that it is a very immature view of love because it tend to focus on the "spark" in a relationship. I can tell you that when my relationship ended, I had started pushing her away because the "spark" was gone. I have now developed a more mature view of love and have realized that there is so much more to it than that. It's just too bad she hasn't.