GOT BAK TOGETHER BUT IT IS GOING DOWN HILL

[mlchildr]

Well I got back together with my ex. In the time that we were apart I bought a townhouse. This townhouse has a home owners association. When i moved in i didn't have any pets so the rules for pets didn't concern me. My ex has a boxer that weighs about 70 lbs. Don't get me wrong I love dogs just don't have any yet becasue of work and all that stuff. My home owners doesn't allow pets over 25lbs to live in your unit. I didn't know this until my ex brought the dog over and didn't clean up after it and i got fined 50 bucks and was told the pet rules.

 

This means that my ex ( current boyfriend) cannot stay at my place any. I have been staying with him but it is so exhausting running back and forth and I feel like I am never home and don't get to enjoy my place. I feel like what to I pay a mrtgage for I am never there. Well it has gotten to me and I aske him if there was some way he could stay at my place some. It just lead tp a huge fight and basically he told me he was not choosing his dog over me. I understand he needs to be home with the dog but he won't even stop by my house after work. He expects me to come to his house all the time. What happen to 50/50 in a realtionship. Am I making to big a deal out of this.....how should i handle this situation.

[rnorth]

I think this is a workable situation but - without knowing your past history - it may be a symptom of the problems that you had before.

 

The bottom line is that its very hard to try and make everything work out 50-50 and people who hold this strict expectation will be disappointed. So lose that thought right away. Be honest but fair with him. Maybe try limiting your nights over to the weekend and have him come over for a few hours here and there throughout the week or vice versa.

 

The major point is this should be a minor issue. Work it out!

[misery12]

I agree with rnorth, this is being taken way too far for the situation, it's not that big of an issue. Just relax and try and approach/handle things more calmly, and easily.

[Hope75]

What were the reasons for the breakup before?

 

Your bf should try and find a petsitter who can look in on his dog so that he can spend some time with you at your place as well.

 

It should not be you running over to his place all the time. You need to approach this calmy and rationally with him, and have some suggestions prepared for how you can solve this together. (i.e., the dog sitter, have a friend stop in, leave the dog with a family member from time to time, doggie daycare, etc.)

 

If he is unwilling to come to a workable compromise for both of you, I don't understand how this reconciliation will last.

[RooferGirl23]

he was an ex... so that schould tell you something right there. That is no huge issue, and he schould not put his DOG over YOU. If he wants to continue the relationship he's going to have to compromise. its not fair to you.

[DN]

Is there someone who can look after the dog sometimes? Or could he afford to pay someone?

 

It's all very well saying he should not choose the dog over you, but he can't just leave it. He has a responsibility to the dog, who needs to to be fed, watered, exercised and allowed to relieve itself other than in the house. And dogs that are left alone by their owners become stressed and sometimes wreck the place.

[monicaa]

My guess is that he broke up with you... because otherwise he would be trying to be in good terms with you. In my opinion, he is taking you for granted because he knows that you are willing to bent backwards to be with him.

Even if he has a dog who need care, feed and bla bla bla... he has to respect you as a girlfriend and give time to be with you. It is not about being 50/50... don't take it on those terms, it is about respect.

I know that you love him, but play it cool... don't make an argument or a long talk about his dog or his unwillingness to give you your place.

 

Instead, next time he wants you to go to his place... you may tell him anything that might prevent you for going (ie., problems with the lock of my apt, feeling sick, got your foot injured...).

The next time ask him to meet somewhere else, where dogs aren't allowed... ie., coffee, movies, etc...

Other time go with him to walk the dog.

Other time invite him for dinner at your place.

 

The idea is that he starts making the effort to see you too.

 

Men need to be set limits other wise you'll end up as a doormat... and dumped!