NC question -- letting go??

[The_Doc]

For those of you following my threads you will know I had my first post ex date on Saturday.

 

Well going on the date did me the world of good, boosted my confidence no end, bit of an ego lift and took my mind off the break-up almost completely over the weekend. I am also beginning to feel different about the whole break-up... although not quite sure in what way??

 

Anyway I haven't had ANY contact with the ex for just over a week and we haven't spoken at any length now for getting on for two. Ok a week is nothing I guess but it is the longest period of no contact since all this transpired 10 weeks ago: no instant messages, no texts, no emails. (Remembering that she was initiating a lot of the contact we had previously).

 

I'm not heartbroken by this change in her attitude, nor in a fit of depression -- I guess I'm feeling something more like 'what have I done to upset her/warrant this etc etc'?

 

However I know now we are no longer a couple there is no reason why we should be in contact all the time and that I have probably done nothing to warrant it at all.

 

Maybe she needs the time or maybe more to the point she thinks 'I' need the time?

 

Just annoying??? she made this big spiel about remaining close friends and how she thought NC would undermine this (about 5 weeks ago) and now NADA. It saddens me that she isn't 'curious', or even being particularly friendly at the moment... obviously doesn't miss me at all...

 

Anyway what do you advise all -- just hang tough and wait until she contacts me? After all what reason do I have to contact her except to tell her what she already knows.. that I still miss her and would like to reconcile.

 

I think the difference in me now is that it isn't hurting like it was, the wound isn't 'raw', so to speak and I know while I still would like to reconcile that life does go on, that I can be happy without her (the date made me realsie that) and that at some point my feelings will change and if she does want to 'come back' there will come a point when it will be too late and I will have moved on and let go??

 

P.S. I will be going on a second date -- my date has just gone through a break up herself and won't be in the city I am living in for that long so the situation is kind of set up nicely for us just to enjoy each other company occasionally.

[fIIsion]

I was thinking the same thing when I was in N/C for 3 weeks, but when I finally contacted her again, she told me that she was missing me, even wanted to see me but was respecting my wishes about N/C.

 

Its strange, when I first spoke to her on the phone, she was upset that I had gone 3 weeks without speaking to her. When we met, she was very happy, acted like nothing had happened.

 

I think she is happier that we can be friends, although I suspect it makes it easier for her.

 

I bet your ex does miss you, probably wondering what direction her life will take now. She will focus on her career, at some stage she will wonder if another man will come into her life......who knows.

 

It can't help you to think about what she is thinking, this is what I have come to realise for myself.

At the end of the day, she ended the relationship, you must now live your own life, live for the future and do not dwell on the past.

I know its hard........I had a deep emotional attachment to the one I loved, but she no longer wants to be with me. I can either hold on to the past and eventually spiral into depression, going over and over in my mind about what could of been, what may happen, while she gets on with her life, or find the strength to accept what has happened and focus on my own future.

 

Nothing is written in stone, there may even come a point when she may want you back in her life, but by then, emotionally you will be in a different place.