A story of seeing my ex for the first time since....

[Rainz]

For those who aren't familiar with my break up story here is the link to my post talking about it.

link removed

 

I saw him at the church confirmation service where his son was confirmed on Sunday. I half expected that he would be there as I heard from my Mum that his son was being confirmed on Sunday. A very old schoolfriend of mine is the younger sister to my ex son's Mum, that's how I initially became acquainted with him years ago. I know his son's Mumm through my school friend and many of their extended family, however for years now I've not moved in that circle.

 

At a church do a couple of weeks back my exes son's Mum bumped into my Mum and they got talking. My Mum ended up telling her what had happened between my ex and me.

 

She was very understanding and empathised. She went on to tell my Mum about the way my ex had treated her when they were together years ago. She was also quite hurt about it and cross, she told my Mum that despite what happened between them that all she ever wanted to see is him settle down with a decent woman who she knows would accept her son and love him and if there's anyone she knows that would do that she told my Mum that she knows I would. That she would rather have heard that he had done this to anybody but me, anybody but me.

Her and my Mum had a good chat and that's how we got told of the little's one's confirmation.

 

At first I wasn't going to go because I knew there'd be a strong chance that he'd be there, but then I thought about it and said even if I see him there so what. South London isn't that big and I'd bump into him at some point.

 

We went for the confirmation service and arrived on time, at 6pm, it didn't start until about 6.30 and I just happened to glance around to the main door over on the far left and recognised the back of his head and suit, it seemed he had just walked in becuse he appered to be greeting his son's Grandma. I actually wanted to laugh for a second or so I felt nervous then I remembered that I can deal with because through my God I can do all things.

 

Service was lovely there were many other candidates that I know being confirmed including some distant family, that obviously boosted my confidence. Seing my exes son properly for the first time in a long time was nice too, and I saw my old schoolfriend, her Mum etc......Her Mum was the one who was asking my Mum for me so as she's frail on her feet I had to go to where she was seated, my ex was seated by them as well.

 

He just sat there with his head straight, no-one was talking to him, you could just tell he wassn't comfortable with me being around,everyone was glad to see me, making much of me, and of course I looked nice too, I was socialising, greeting, catching up with them, laughing and joking around whilst refershments were being served at church and I could see that he saw me and at all points he totally avoided direct eye contact with me, didn't even acknowledge me at all!! Even my friends Mum (my ex's son's Grandma) told little one to go and sit and talk to his Dad he's sitting there lonely!

 

As I expected, when I noticed that he was there, I thought to myself that ,an as soon as he gets the opportunity, he's going to cut and run from this place! His son sat with him, he really tried to engross himself in conversation with his son he looked so jittery and nervous. He probably talked to his son for about 5 mins....I had moved on about 8feet but still with in eye shot to greet my family and I saw him walk out the door with his son and son's Mum and again avoid eye contact with me, I knew that was his chance at escape. About 2 mins after that his son walked back in, flashed me the utest grin, then his Mum came in.

 

His son's Mum and me and my Mum got to have a chat after that and she told me Babes, just be strong, just look how quick he was to run out of here. I told her that I'm a tough cookie and that I will not take any nonsense at all. Told her how inexplicable his behaviour was towards the end of the relationship, especially with all the lengths and efforts that he was going to, she said she's not at all surprised. That she known him all this years and that he lies, lies, lies. She told me that he doesn't support his son, doesn't spend any quality time with him, has never taken him to the park, football, cinema none of that I said I'm sorry to go here but I have to now, he told me that he gives you £70 per week and that he picks him up from school everyday. She said he gives her £40 at the most if she's lucky and he picks him up from school when he feels like it, her Dad does it. My ex and I had talked about the fact that he doesn't spend much quality time with his son, he owns and runs his own gym and blames it on that.

 

I gave her a quick run through of what happened, she just shook her head and said she doesn't know what's wrong with him, the time he's there sending flowers everywhere and she said believe me it's never just one woman with him he should be supporting his son.

He had apparently cheated on her whilst she was seeing him, she's had women approach her and pouring their hearts out to her about what he's done to them.

 

When he was with me he totally downplayed the relationship that he had had with his son's Mum (I didn't tell her that) not that I'd asked him any details. There were things that he'd tell me and I'd think but that's not how I remember so and so to be, that doesn't sound like her...I'd even ay to him I didn't know ***** was like that! Then on hearing her side of things, he was the one she said within a year asking her to marry him and doing all the planning etc......He made out with me that it wasn't that klind of relationship. I told her not at any point did I ask the man for anything, he was the one who was full on, full on, full on....she said that's just like how he was with her. There's so much more but I'll be here too long typing...in a nutshell it makes me feel better knowing that this is his was of treating women, not something that I've done to provoke him into treating me how he did.

 

The sad thing is that he has no stability or direction in his life, he just turned 39 last week Wednesday as well. It's not like he's a spring chicken. His sons Mum told me she doesn't even know where he lives, that their son was 7 years old (4 years ago) before he met his Grandma on his Dad's side and it was her(son's Mum) who insisted on it.

 

I said to her I had lost respect for him with what he did to me, but upon hearing all these other things, the miniscule, human to human respect that I had left, it just disappeared.

She said he just seems to go around hurting people, and people like that they have a time when something happens to them and they get their payback.

His brother doesn't even talk to him she told us, but his version of events is that he doesn't talk to his brother. I told him you have one brother alone, your family isn't big, you should try and talk to him, "Oh, I love my brother and he phones up at my Mum's house but I can't talk to him"

 

His son's Mum said she feels like phoning him and cussing him out again over what he's done to me, we told her not to bother, leave him. He's grown and he's the one who gets up each day and chooses to live how he's living and treat women how he does.

Yeah, how many times can you keep arguging with someone she said, anf that he gets aggressive. I told her up until now I've not had any acknowledgment or response to what I had to say to him, she said because he knows he's wrong.

 

My relationship with him wasn't anything special to him, it was all just lies, pure lies....He couldn't even look at me on Sunday. However when I was out of proximity he greeted my Mum, shook her hand, asked her how she was and told her that she looked nice.

 

My feelings regarding him, I just felt numb, indifferent. Not sad. not happy. I just see him for who he has shown himself to be and hearing the experiences of others just makes me think of him as a very sad, pathetic man.

[DN]

Well, it is good that you are getting over him, but don't forget that his previous ex also has her own problems with him and so you can't necessarily believe everything she says either. The truth probably lies somewhere in between.

 

But the important thing is that now you have all this done with, you can move on with your life and let him move on with his.