Need to vent and get this off my chest.

[perseverance_rules]

Havent thought of my ex as much as I had in past weeks, but the thoughts of her coming home, her puppy she got in february which i miss a lot, and so does my 6 yr old golden...hes heartbroken to say the least.

 

Her smile as she entered the house, her great cooking, and just her aura that brought happiness at my home is what I miss right now.

 

What I dont miss is the constant nagging if what I havent done around the house, what I failed to clean, they way I do things, is totally good that I dont have to deal with that now.

 

Im certain she has OCD but she always laughed about it saying why not have a clean house, and why not do things perfect instead of half-#$#.

 

When I think of her now, I remember all the good times we shared, the week we spent in florida in february for her birthday is the most depresing memories for me. Talking together about plans to buy a home, new furniture, you name it we discussed it. This is why its so hard for me to move on knowing how much we planned for the future....the hardest part being that I now know she was still in love with a former boyfriend and didnt want to get married to me yet...

 

Hard to swallow, but I find myself of thinking about other things in my life, instead of her constantly. I want to find someone similar to her such as her womanly charm, and her motherly nature...I will someday. Seems like all Im finding are immature younger women, which is why I have always dated women older than me.

 

Well see what happens in time, but IM struggling still to get over the fact the she wont be coming home to me, even though I ended it for good reasons, just can t cope with those reasons yet.

[perseverance_rules]

Today I went into the office to turn in some paperwork from the week. When I walked in the door, there sat my ex-gf of two years whom I broke it off with less than two months ago. She cheated on me with a man from the bar, and I found out from her friend that she had. She was pregnant at the time and recently lost the baby.

 

As I walked in I said "HI" pleasant as I could and walked through, only for her to grab my attention and give me some paperwork I needed. WOW she was looking stunning, but I kept my composure.

 

As I sat in the back room finishing up things, I couldnt help but notice how beautiful she was up there. Her top was almost coming open in the front and I know she knew it. I saw her plenty sticking her chest out as she got up from her seat, she would look right back at me sitting there. It was so hard not to give in to that...especially the way she looked at me, I was holding back very sexual feelings at that point, only to be reminded of what she did to me.

 

If she had not dont this to me, and we had broken up earlier, I would definitely be tempted to ask her back out again. I still love that woman very much, but when I think to myself, Why get with her knowing how she is, and knowing she let someone else make love to her while she lived in my home...yes shes a very sexual appealing woman, but its not worth my heartache to give in to that temptation I have, and KNOW she is putting herself out there for me to recognize...Its very hard.

 

I do know this, A woman will walk into my life as quickly as she did 2 years ago, and things will seem very hazy about this breakup. I will always have love for her as a person, as crazy as that sounds, but she knows she cannot be trusted by a lot of people. She almost has to gain all new friends because of this...and is now living with a man who knows her very little. Only time will tell if the karma rubs off on her a bit.

 

I feel that no matter who tells me not to get back with her, its in my own mind that I know I could never trust her, and would only be dropping down to her level, and having many many friends back off from me for doing so...temptation to get a loved one back is very strong for anyone, but its never worth the heartache and feelings you get back , its only an uphill battle again once you realize this.

[perseverance_rules]

WEll everything was going just fine until I received an email from a picture site from the bar my ex went to when she found the guy she eventually cheated on me with. In this email from that site were new pics from the bar of random pictures of people dancing and having a good time while the band played.

 

AND, sure enough there she was with him. I saw her with him dancing and pretty much throwing herself on this guy, dirty dancing, plain made me sick to my stomach...nearly stared at those pics for nearly an hour. I wish I hadnt seen those pictures, but it finally gave everything a closing end and assurance to me that things happened as were told.

 

I couldnt stand seeing her so happy with him there, and then to come home and sleep in my bed as if nothing had happened...Like I was just along for her use and abuse, someone that took care of her financially while she went out and screwed around....it made my heart sink even more that I saw those pictures, and truly wondered what she found so attractive in that guy (he was not shaven, wore ratty clothes...) other than the fact he may have been nice to her and had a good time there.

 

We havent spoken about things in a few weeks now since she lost the baby, and its better that way. I saw her in those pics looking very stunning and happy...unlike the way she acted around me for the last few months. It was a very hard thing to see those pictures, and not just have a imagination about who it was, and what they did...it definitely made me sick to my stomach, and I couldnt sleep very well last night, nor can I keep my mind off of it today.

 

I had a few dates lined up for this week, but found out from one of them that she is seeing someone else already, but failed to mention it to me, which brings me back to a point of not trusting women. She said she didnt say anything because I hadnt asked (BS #1). and that we were a little far apart (20 miles, BS #2).

 

The other date I had lined up was for tonight, but I cancelled that because quite frankly Im not over things yet, and would rather spend my time with my true friends rather than spill out all my feelings on an innocent woman. Maybe in time I can give her another call, but right now, my gut instinct says to get over everything I have going on...I really am at the point of jumping into something new because Im not comfortable with being single, which would only end up with me being with someone out of convenience again...I dont want that.

 

What I do want is to be able to see myself with a new woman, and not compare her to my ex in the fact that she was caring enough to cook, clean, support me emotionally, and have great times with,.....that woman is somewhere out there waiting on my to find her, but right now I dont feel it, because Im not over t his, even though I want to be...

 

Two steps back today, and it sucks.

[perseverance_rules]

Well after a few days have passed, the whole thing hasnt bothered me as much. My main problem now is being a wee bit broke waiting on my commission check once again. Man I cant live like this week to week, its a struggle.

 

My main thing is keeping busy which is hard to do being broke and not being able to go many places. Hopefully Ill start making some good sales and then I can do more things and go more places to keep busy and meet a few new ladies down the road.

 

I still wonder if she thinks of me much. Whether shes already past everything. She treats me like anyone else, and is very professional at work, not mentioning anything, and never calls me anymore, which is good in the long run...I guess I want that ball to be in my court again so she can sit and wonder.

 

How can i put her out of my mind without just going out and being with new women. Staying busy helps, but the memories of the good times have been floating around like crazy lately. Can I get past this and move on soon? A few more months and I think I can do that, just need some luck and guidance.

[perseverance_rules]

what happened to the last few days of my posts/?

[perseverance_rules]

doesnt matter anyways, not like anyone oresponding.

[perseverance_rules]

are my posts not working???

[lolapop411]

WOW! Saying I am sorry may not cause any pain to go away but writing about it and having others input is a good answer. I believe in wishing, specially on a full moon. Wish for your hearts desires of a mate, wish for the type of women you appeal to not appeal for you anymore. Wish for specifics on who you want to meet, what you expect. Once you sort this in your head and wish for it the Universe will hear you and when you are ready it will happen. I know life may seem like caca at times and sometimes being part of it seems like too much work but when we are happy we don't even think like that. BE HAPPY!

[jng92130]

Wow. I admire your strength through all of this. You've had a hell of a time, and I do hope that the future holds good things for you, and for all of us.

 

So odd that we're all so cruel to each other.

 

I wonder now, as I either recover from the most painful breakup of my life or just decide to jump off a bridge, just how rare a really good relationship is and why most people aren't willing to work at relationships. I know of only two or three couples who have been married, mostly happily, for decades. Their secret is that they both care to make the effort, that they both try.

 

I know now that if one person in a relationship doesn't make any effort, the whole thing will crumble. I thought for a long time that I could keep us (my ex and me) together just by doing the right things, by becoming who she wanted.

 

Stay away from that secretary, no matter how great her attributes look.

[perseverance_rules]

lolapop, I have thought of those things in the past, and you know what, they came true then, why not now. when were down and out, we dont realize whats out there because we are so caught up in the moment. i have went out on a few dates already and have had a blast. i never knew how many women were interested in dating me until i opened up and let them in my life. before, i was way too closed up (meaning before i got with my ex). i would stay home way too much, and be almost afraid to get out and explore. nowadays, I just leap in and DO it. i have changed so much as a person in the last few years, its amazing that now im back in the single life, people seem to swarm to me now. being open, and confident, and basically looking and acting available brings so much more happiness to my life.

 

before i met my current ex, i would lie down in bed at night and think about the perfect type of woman for me, and wished she would come into my life. when i finally had a date with my ex, which was totally unexpected, i thought to myself, wow, here she is, but when i would think to myself if she was the one, something told me in the back of my mind that she wasnt it, but i went with it instead, only to find out later that I really just gave in to someone because i was needy. she is a good woman, dont get me wrong, but we were just so not right for each other because we didnt get along like two people should, especially being together for 2 years. we went with the motions, we both wanted a long term deal, but couldnt break out of the mold of realizing that this wasnt right, we really werent happy, we argued constantly, but we couldnt break out of it because we were afraid to hurt again. this time will be different. im more apt to tell a woman straight out where things may lead...and if we hang out, have a good time, go see concerts together as friends, then hey, at least were having fun, and in the end if we have sex, well hey, it happened, we both know at least from there whether it could lead to something better,...im really done of fooling myself now. if i dont want it, ill let them know up front, instead of settling for someone just to be in a relationship.

 

im having a blast with women, my job is getting really exciting, my money situtation is getting far better than it ever has been, and im living again. its a great feeling. i truly am greatful of my friends who have known all along that i could do better, but friends stay out of it when they see you happy, even though they think you can do better, they let it be...but when something triggers it they come running to pull you away...its an awesome feeling to finally have my life back where i want it and to be able to not think about my exgf like i had been. im not rebounding which is good, and every girl ive talked to knows my situation, and understands what i feel, so i more happens (sex, overnighters, long weekends,...) at least they know where they stand.

 

thanks for the comments, its really appreciated.

[ediefy]

Well, I'm sitting here, about 12 weeks after the last time my ex and I were together, reading your postings, folks. I haven't talked to the ex or seen him in person for months now, and I have cut off contact with his friends and family. I've moved on, have been dating a lot, and have met one guy in particular who's great--nicer to me than the ex, smarter than the ex, able to connect with me more than the ex, a better musician than the ex, a better and more attentive lover than the ex, etc.

 

And yet I still want the ex, even though the way he broke up with me was awful (in email, with no warning whatsoever--after two years together, no big blowup, nothing like that). I grieved deeply for a while, really let it all hang out, and thought I was in good shape to get out there and date again. And I probably am, except from time to time I'll be out with the new guy and suddenly wish I was with the ex, who's probably out with some new woman (I have no idea what's gone on with him since we split--and haven't even tried to find out). I still don't know why he broke up with me, exactly--he didn't explain, and didn't want to talk to me when I tried to get him to give me some context a few weeks after he dropped the bomb.

 

All day today I've felt like he's going to get in touch with me, and yet I doubt it, since he hasn't exactly reached out to me since May. And I don't even know what I'd do if he did get in touch. He's clearly not a good partner, very unpredictable, and supremely non-communicative. He didn't treat me all that well, ultimately, and if one of my friends had been going out with him and got dumped like I did, I'd advise her to steer clear of him.

 

So, why do I keep thinking about him? We were good companions, I liked his sense of humor, we both liked to watch sports, and had the same attitudes and opinions about lots of things. We had fun together--more fun than not. We rarely disagreed. Since I don't know what happened, getting closure has been tough.

 

And I really like the new guy A LOT. We're compatible in many, many ways, So what is my problem? How do I get the ex out of my head and just enjoy the present with this new person in my life?

[SexySadie7]

Well.. i think you put it in a nutshell yourself with this line:

"Since I don't know what happened, getting closure has been tough."

Closure is definitely difficult to achieve when you are dumped suddenly without warning and your ex won't explain why. My ex won't talk to me about why he suddenly quit calling me either.

My ex did the same thing to me.... all the while saying that he didn't want to be in a relationship.. now i'm starting to wonder if that was just a lie too.. since like a few weeks after he told me that now he got into serious relationship.

Closure... what is that? LOL

See.. i agree with you.. when the person doesn't call you or sit down face to face with you.. you start making stuff up in your head to try to answer your own questions.... don't you think?

What did i do wrong? Was it me? i have had the same agonizing questions swirling through my brain for many months now.

I'm sick of it frankly.. i want to move on too.. but i now have these agonizing doubts about myself since nothing was ever answered.

At least you met someone new.. i've still to meet someone who is serious about me.. although i have met many guys who were obviously attracted to me.

[ediefy]

It's interesting. For the first time in my life, I haven't had one moment of doubt about myself. I'm pretty clear that it wasn't really about me at all--I've come to think that there definitely was someone else on his mind, and he wanted to be free to pursue that. I didn't do anything any differently at the end of our relationship than I did at the start--I'm very consistent, very stable (in fact, he told me about 2 weeks before he broke up with me that I 'grounded' him, and he thought that was a really good thing in his life--and I think that was true).

 

I am who I am, for better or worse, and that's not going to change at this point (I'm 50 years old, and have enough evidence elsewhere in my life that I am a good person, and a great friend and partner). If it wasn't a good fit for him, then that's just how it is. I figure I have nothing to apologize for. He might, though. I would never have left someone I'd been with for 2 years without insisting on having a conversation in person (even if the other person didn't want to--I would push for it, just so they wouldn't carry around this "not knowing" thing I now carry with me). And if he hadn't seemed to be so happy up until that last day, it would make more sense. In retrospect, there probably were some subtle signs that all was not well, but he kept those things hidden from view, for the most part.

 

I just spent most of the weekend with the new guy, who's really great. I think the more time I spend with him the less and less I'll think of the ex. The new guy and I talked about our exes last night--we both admitted to missing them very much at times, which was kind of good to know. Made me feel less guilty about having these feelings for the ex, and clearly, these kinds of feelings are normal for everyone (the new guy did get closure with his ex, which does seem to make a big difference).

 

I hope I get to the point that I just feel grateful for the time the ex and I were together, instead of wishing (as I do now) that I had never met him. On the plus side, I'm pretty sure he didn't cheat on me while we were together, even if he may have been entertaining ideas about it at the very end (a friend of his told me that the night before the ex broke up with me, he told the friend that he "didn't want to have an affair on me," as he put it). So, at least he did a relatively honorable thing before going off with someone else, if that's what happened.

 

Thanks for replying to my post. Good to know that I'm not the only person out here who's having weird heartbreak aftershocks, three months after the fact. I only hope that I can get clear of these twinges soon, so I can be fully present and enjoy the wonderful man who's come into my life.

 

(And, as for finding a good guy, just keep looking, put yourself out there, keep a good thought in your head about the wonderful partner you want and deserve. He'll come along, I promise, and probably not in the way you expect. You sound like someone with her head screwed on straight. Hang in there.)

[perseverance_rules]

ediefy, it seems that no matter what the age, healing after a breakup from a LTR is never easy. Love does that to us, which can make or break a persons will to move on.

 

I still work with my current ex, but luckily its only once per week I have to go to the office to see her. Its starting to get a little easier now. WHen I see her on Mondays now, I barely remember her, and am starting to get over wanting for her to come home to me. Things have definitely taken a turn for the better for me as far as my emotions go. One thing that Im still fighting with is the fact that I HAVE to move on, and knowing that she has already done so. She had been totally professional through all of this, which I expected she would have been.

 

The best part for me right now is that I have dated a few women and have talked about my current situation with them, and they are totally at ease with me discussing it and bringing it up. It truly helps when someone is there for a shoulder even though it may be tough to hear for the other party, they both understand me, and respect who I am.

 

One girl in particular is starting to win my heart, even though Im staying guarded. Im pushing back the feelings for it because I know Im not ready for anything but a good time, and she understands that and still is right there for me whenever I want to talk or hang out. She already has a family of her own (three kids) and I want some one day but Im not sure if thats a good idea to do with her. Right now Im taking things in stride and making sure that if she may not want what I want, to keep it at this level so things dont get hairy in the end if we stop dating.

 

I have come to realize that who I am and what I stand for is worthy of much more than I had with the ex, she just never saw it that way. She always tried to make me what she wanted, in the end I didnt change for her and she went out on me and tried to get it, and eat her cake too here.

 

It all bit her in the butt in the end and she realizes that now, which is why she still respects me and treats me kindly. Im on my way to finding someone who will be there for me regardless, which is what i didnt have with the exgf but decided to stick it out...seems like a waste now, but in my eyes then, she was a great woman. HINDSIGHT SUCKS I guess.

 

Keep on keeping on, and one day well all be happy.