Jump to content

Need to vent and get this off my chest.

Recommended Posts

Im 29 years old, have been there done that. I have been married once before at age 23 and it lasted 12 months. I married this woman because I truly thought she was the perfect one, my "soul mate". After time went on we didnt get along like friends and lovers should. A married couple for that matter. I would call her just to call her, try and meet her for things, and tried to be friends with her just because I didnt want to lose that contact, basically holding on to her...which was never good for me.


She ended up cheating on me with a FEW men not just one, and ended up pregnant, which she said it was mine. IN the end she lost it five months nito her pregnancy, which I later found out that she had an abortion.


Those feelings lasted nearly a year, and I really to this day dont know how I got over that, but I did. When I think of her now, its just a phase of my life that I learned from. Yes you feel like it should have been the one, and you LOVE her, but calling her and keeping in touch with her and telling her how you feel only makes you look pathetic to her, and fuels her fire of wanting you out of the picture making her feel better about getting rid of you. The saying on that one is, "let her go, and if she comes back it was meant to be, if she doesnt, then youre better off."


After all that I went through, 2 years ago this month I met a new woman, after having dated many girls over the prior few years, only to keep finding clingy and very needy women. This new woman knew of my past, and knew what I went through in relationships, and I knew what she went through. Together, we understood each others pains and sorrows in life and wanted to be together to share better experiences. We had so much in common and basically she moved in within a month and a half of us dating because she was being asked to move from her current place and had no better place to go.


Things were good, and things were bad at times, but we talked things out whenever we needed to to make it better, and we worked at it as much as we could.


This past wednesday we found out that she was pregnant. I was so filled with joy because anything that was causing problems would seem so little compared to what we were facing... A NEW LIFE IN THE WORLD.


two days later I found out from HER best friend that she cheated on me last weekend with a guy from the bar she had been going to with her girlfriends.


I told her she had to go when I got home after that talk with my friends. (her best friend told my friends, and they dragged me out of the house to tell me). I could not believe my ears. I was SO happy one day, and totally floored the next.


Not only did this happen to me once in my life, it has now happened twice now. SO I get to live 9 months wondering if this is my child, and I truly hope it is. Im 29, and I think IM ready for that, Ive always wanted that, and so has she. What I feel right now as I write this is that Im not sure how long this will take to get over, but what I do know is that the more Time I spend without her around and seeing her, the better I will be and the faster the healing process will be. The hardest thing to deal with is that I just started an insurance sales career at the place she is the secretary at. Yes that will be hard to do, and Im not sure how long it will last, but at least I will try to make it work. Only time will tell that Im sure.


I too was broken up with from my high school love, only for her to marry my best friend. Thats a totally different ball of wax that I hold in my heart to this day, but I am still best friends with him, he is one of the guys that told me about this fresh incident with the mother of my so called baby.


She told me that she was only with him last weekend friday and then sunday nights, and that she was pregnant well before that and shes sure its mine. But after this, who am I to believe? I cant believe her, only tests performed after the birth. So I have to get over this and not worry about the baby until that time comes.


The biggest moral here to anyone who has gone through tough times is this: No matter what you are going through, there is always someone going through the exact same thing you are, or worse. My motto is "well, it could be worse" as long as I tell myself that this is probably for the best, and it could be worse, Im better off.



THANKS FOR YOU TIME EVERYONE! IT FEELS BETTER TO WRITE THIS MYSELF EVEN! Im just starting to heal, and this feels good to me right now.



Wrote this on another post, but wanted responses to just keep talking so it dont build inside of me anymore!


Thank you!

Link to comment
  • Replies 63
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Buddy, that sucks. Youve got a strong will though, i admire that.


What are you going to do now? Are you going to stay with this woman? Haha, youve got me hooked into your story!


I truly feel for you though, i hope everything works out for the best and you can be free and happy.

Link to comment

When I found out from my friends what she did, they warned me not to tell her just yet but to let it sink in and have her leave later....


BUT, her mother and her niece was over at my place and were going to stay the night. I couldnt just let all of them stay there that night at all knowing what I knew so I went straight home and told her everything I knew, and she admitted to everything then and there.


Messed up thing was that after I told her, she went in the other room and held the door shut on me and told her mom that I knew about the other guy...but I heard every bit of it. Her mom had been going out to the bars with her and knew about him and she helped her lie about where she had been last weekend, saying she was at her house sleeping there, when in fact she was with him that night. I couldnt believe that a mother would help her own daughter lie, I can see standing by her, but to come here and lie for her was horrible.


I kicked her to the curb that night and have been dealing with it since. I cant seem to keep my mind off of it right now because its so new, but Ive been talking with her best friend and she has been there for me because she knows what type of man I am. She doesnt want to be with me because she is seeing one of my friends, but shes still a great woman to tell on her best friend of 20 years.


All in all this helps me cope, and i appreciate any comments on this.



Link to comment

Your story is really heart felt!! Im so sorry that all that had to happen to you.


In a persons life your souls chooses to deal with certain issues so that it may grow and develop. When the issues presents itself you are given an opportunity to deal with it and overcome that issues. If you dont deal with it then the same issues will keep on presenting itself until your soul manages to deal with it. Once you have dealt with it properly then you will not experience that same lesson again.


I dont want to sound harsh but if these same kind of issues keep on presenting themselves then there is obviously a very important lesson that you have to learn from all of this.


You know that if you are self rejecting then you attract people into your space that will reject you- for the simple reason of highlighting your weakness so that you may be given the opportunity to grow through the issues.


All the issues that you experience are opportunities for your soul to grow, I know that a lot of them are hurtful and even devastating- but sometimes you have got to look inside of yourself and try to see the lessons that are being presented for to soul.


I dont know your backround so I cant say what exactly your soul lessons are but hopefully you can identofy them . By knowing your soul lessons in this lifetime it makes the hardships a liitle bit easier to understand and deal with.


Sending you angels of light and love...



Link to comment

Your story really touched me...you seem quite a determined person. I respect and admire that you have taken the step tp deal with the problem as you see fit. It can be too easy to want give someone "the benefit of the doubt" etc

Also you seem to know exactly what you want too.

Link to comment

Pers--I agree with those above, regarding your strength, but if you didn't need some support you wouldn't be here--so here's a big (((hug))) for you. I'm sorry this has happenend to you. I have to respectfully beg to differ with butterfly though, I don't think this has a thing to do with your soul, I think you just had the bad luck to run into two women who cheat. That stinks, and I think your gf is slime!!! I understand that you don't trust her, but think about this: If it isn't too difficult for you, maybe you will be able to stay at least partially involved with her, as far as the pregnancy goes. My fear is that you will find out the child is yours later, but by then you will have been cheated out of some very special stuff, like when the baby kicks, and so forth. After that though, it would be hard to just walk away if you find out the child isn't yours. Either way it's a horrible situation to be in, and I personally am mad as heck for you!! I really think that there would be a lot less misery in this world if people would just do the right things instead of the easy things, or what ever they feel like doing at the moment!!! Jerks!

Link to comment

I know I can get over her, but all that is going through my head is the baby. I so much want us to keep connection because of that, and we will because I still work at the same place (shes the secretary for me and has to call me to give me messages and such).I dont want a person like her in my life because after all that has happened, she didnt love me to do something like this to me...but all I keep thinking about is what about the child that has to deal with its parents not together, its just not fair....its just not fair.

Link to comment

Man I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I can sympathize, I truly can.


As much as it might kill you, you should consider trying to have a cordial relationship with this woman for the sake of raising the child together. I'm not saying she has to be your best friend. But try to keep things on good terms if at all possible. After all, you're going to have to cooperate on some level for a long time if indeed this is your child.


It will be difficult, but try to start the process of forgiving her about what happened. That doesn't mean you think what she did was ok. But it does allow you to let go of the anger in your heart so that it does not poison any chance of cooperation.


You're going to come out of this just fine. Stay strong and know deep down that you did the right thing.

Link to comment

I think I have done the right thing, but Im having thoughts of forgiving her and trying to make things work. But after the decisiions I have made to make her go, maybe thats the best thing for us? If I tried to get things back together and I could trust her, that would be the hardest part...how could I?


IN the end Ill know what the right decision is...but I dont think now is the time for those answers.

Link to comment

I understand that dont get me wrong. I understood what you meant totally. Its just that Im fighting over what to do at this point in time. Maybe after more time I will know that answer. I have talked with so many people on this, and after talking to the people who told me, I made my decision by what they had to say, even though I wanted her anyways, all because she was pregnant with my baby. After time I will talk with her to see what could happen, right now Im filled with opposite feelings. One I realize what she has done and it sickens me, on the other hand I know what would be best for the child...but If neither one of us would be happy, it wouldnt be good anyhow.


Im not justifying her actions, Im just taking into account the happiness of this baby that will have to deal with its parents separated. If we could both get over this and be in love, it would be good, but if not, there isnt a reason to do that. There are plenty of people that grow up being loved, and they realize that its best for theier parents not to be together, and they understand that and still feel loved.


Im feeling better about most of this a bit, and as long as I can focus on my job and take care of my feelings, and do what I think is right, I will be ok. Hell, finding another woman may be the best medicine at this point...but thats a whole different time and place for that.


What to do, what to do....

Link to comment

Today I spoke to her at work about how I feel. I made her leave as soon as I found out what she did, which was midnight last thursday. This is day 6.


I told her I didnt want to kick a pregnant woman to the curb like that, but she left me no choice. How could I have slept that night knowing how dirty she made me feel? I asked her her thoughts about trying to make things work in the future for this child. She said right now I just want to get things together, as I do too. What I really feel is whats best for the child, and not my own feelings. I wish it were easier to deal with. After having gone through this once before, I still think about my exwife of 5 years ago and wonder hows shes doing, and it makes me feel better knowing from my friends that still talk to her that she regrets it all ever happening.


I know Im better than to try to get things back together in the future because my friend talked to her best friend and she told him that my current ex was talking bad about me, I think only to make herself not feel so guilty about what she did. All my friends say to NEVER try to get back together and thats what I plan on, but damn thats so unfair to the child. But one day dont you think the child will want that? Im writing all of this and assuming this is my child she is pregnant with, but today I got the feeling she wasnt being honest about whos it was. I think she feels guilty and cant say honestly that it might be the other guys. I know in the end it would be best for us not to have to deal with each other, especially for me....but Ive always wanted a kid, and everytime she brought her nieces and nephews over here, I got upset that it wasnt mine, and didnt always warm up to them like she wanted me to. IM 29 and I think now is the best time in life to bring a child into the world, but not like this ya know. I only think of what is good for a child, but right now Im not thinking of my own feelings. my friends tell me that if you two cant have trust, it might be worse off for the child later anyways. one of them said, man, I see my child as much as I want, and today he understands that Im a good man, and he realizes that me and his mother can be together and he accepts that.


My morals are standing in the way of how I should be taking this...thinking of how I should really feel are getting crushed by whats right for a child to have. my next door neighbor and his wife have gone through this and they are together today, and they are doing ok.


I asked my ex what if we did try that, would you want it? She said at this point in time I need to work things out and be away and so do I for that matter.


Im just confused right now.....

Link to comment

Well I just couldnt sleep so I got on here and started typing. I asked GOD to let this be my baby and to watch over her. At the same time I was thinking that I started to think back to the time she missed her monthly thing and then started getting even more nervous about it not being mine. Not only do I have doubts about it, Im getting scared into thinking that I cannot have kids. I want the thoughts to go away. but they wont right now. i have too much at stake at work and i live on my own now and have to work to pay the bills. i just started an insurance sales position two months ago. they say shes 7 weeks pregnant but she told me she had a test on may 20 and it came back negative...but her test at the free clinic she had said she was 7 weeks,...how could that be if she was tested may 20 and it was negative? her girlfriend told me that they go by your last missed period and add a few weeks but if that were the case she would be i guess. how could her test not be correct from may 20th, it was a blood test. not only that the weeks after she was tested must have been when she was with the other guy. i just think she dont want to tell the truth because she would feel like a total liar and she dont want to show it. she has admitted to everyone what she did, and she admitted she was wrong for doing it, so why would she lie about it being mine? to not hurt me anymore than i am, and so that i wont give her any trouble? im so confused, but things seem like they make more sense because she acted confused about how far along she was when she came home to tell me it was positive. which would only make her at most one month pregnant,.....it just seems too much of a coincidence that it could be mine. after two years not wearing protection wit her, to bam, she cheats, and now i find out shes pregnant.


too much to deal with at this point, i want to cry and let it go away but it wont, every time i do i feel silly for doing it because i feel like i should be stronger than that.



Link to comment

Im 29 and she is 35. small age difference, but not odd to me. shes never had any kids and always wanted them. a few times i told her that i didnt know if i could deal with her not having children with me, but that i would deal with that because i loved her enough not to throw her away like that...we could do something like adoption, or even both be tested and make it happen if possible. but now she is pregnant, and all i want to do is leave her alone so she can have this baby, regardless of whos it is, if its not mine, i will just move on, and congratulate her on getting what she wanted, and then after that i can go get tested on my own so i know my own fate for the future, and maybe get with a woman who already has kids or that would want to adopt...maybe life isnt all about having kids, but feeling loved by a trustful person?..........


still restless

Link to comment

Adoption can be just as or more rewarding as having your own .. you're baically saving a child's life that might not have had parents to love it.


And yeah .. i do believe there's more chances for you to find someone that you can trust .. you've made it this far, it's hard to believe you can't go farther.


Link to comment

Well its been one week today since I found out what happened. Im starting to forgive her, but it still hurts. I sometimes feel guilty that I didnt give her the attention she needed when she was asking for it. most of the time i spent was in here, in my computer room, usually because she would nag on me about things, and I didnt want the arguments.


she told me over and over to pay her some attention and stop with the online games, but i tried that too and usually witihin a few days of not being on much at all, id be right back in here mad at her for being on my case about little things. sometimes i told her she was impossible to make happy...every little quirk i had about how to clean, how to do laundry, how to cook, how to do the littlelest things she tried to have me do it her way. no matter what it was, i didnt do it right. so after awhile i started doing my BEST to do things the way she liked them. even folding the towel correctly on the rack in the bathroom. It was THAT picky! the last few months she prertty much gave up on cleaning the house much. she spent most of her time with her family and friends than to try to be with me. most of those times i told her that if she tried to spend time with me i wouldnt be in this room being a potato half thet time.


we did have a lot in common as far as past relationships, and what we wanted in life...but most of the time she couldnt even express to me how she felt about me, most of it was how i was worthless, even though i paid all the bills here for her so she didnt have to worry. she doesnt make much money, and the money she does make goes towards her car and insurance, and a bit for herself. so i made damn sure that i paid everything because i asked her to live here and didnt expect anything because i wanted to make sure if she did ever leave i could still do it.


i miss her. wish we would have had the chance to make things work better. all of her friends thought we should get married recently, she always smiled about it, but said she wasnt ready. i was but i knew we had to work on some things first too.we lived together almost the whole time we were together. maybe thats why it was so hard to get over those quirks, because she didnt know how i was yet. i knew most of the things she didnt like i needed to work on though...it was obvious, because i usually agreed.


i pray again we can make this work for the child. is that wrong?

Link to comment

I have two apoointments today. my boss is the regional manager at the office and he is coming with me to help me close the deals. man, before all of this i was a little nervous of him coming with me to check me out, now i am even more so! but i just have to do it i guess, it will all be over so soon i cant let myself do bad because im thinking about it, i just have to be like i have been, myself.


my chest hurts and im going to try and not bring things up with him. she has worked there with him for 7 years now and knows her very well, well at least as good as she wants him to. but the best thing about this is that he could have let me go when i told him what had happened between us but he didnt as is still ready to help me with this career. what a great guy! it gives me positive encouragement when i need it most. i cant just up and leave and quit, it would make me look that much weaker. not for HER I WONT!

Link to comment

well i have been struggling with a cold lately, so my manager helped me with the sale and it went well. i was feeling so horrible this morning thinking about things, then when i left for the appointment, things started to be better. we went on the appointment and things were ok, and afterwards he brought up my situation. we talked about it, and suddenly i began to feel better for awhile. things looked up, and i didnt think of her for awhile today. things werent in such a blur to me. this lasted for quite awhile this afternoon and i felt positive for the first time in a week.


i came home, walked the dog, went for my 5th walk of the day and grabbed a subway sandwhich for dinner. something ive done all week besides eating here...which consisted of chicken and rice. when i met my girlfriend, i changed my diet and stopped eating red meat and pork. i used to get the worst case of heartburn and indigestion, but since that time ive been living very healthy with my food intake, which is good for me because ive always been slightly overweight, but never gets too bad... a few weeks at the gym and im back to my old self. around 200. ive always been a bit stocky, runs in the family.


went to the computer room to check emails, something ive been doing wuite too much lately, mostly to check replies from here. then played a bit of online games, to get my mind back for awhile....then it hit me again.


im struggling at times, better at others. i want to get over this and not have the thoughts of getting back with her because i know thats not what i want...its only what i think is right, for some reason, and that is the kids sake. but i think hell, if it is my kid, it will be ok, hell understand eventually.hell be loved, hell know it


maybe a woman will see me in an even better light that i have a son, and i take care of it and myself. good thinking i think.


i feel better that ive been talking with friends constantly. and constantly working out, and i know ive been here before and im already starting to get to the anger stage, instead of the bummed stage, maybe my strength is stronger than i thought, or maybe God knows i need healing faster right now. he is good to me when i need it. im not an every day church goer, but now might be a good time to do so for my soul.


not that i am fine, but that my brain is telling my fingers what to type and im coating over what i truly feel, which is anger, sadness, anxiety, sickness, and lots of stress....


id curse on here, but itd get deleted. i need a woman that understands me and lets me grow, and doesnt force me to be who im not. good habits come with time, you cant force someone to change over night even if they want to, which is what she tried to do....change me into what she was looking for.


things sound better, but im still very stressed and sad.

Link to comment

Well i still feel anxiety, but its getting better for me to have the friends around and be able to not talk about the ex. for me, i will talk to everyone but my friends about the ex, and leave that for my online friends i met in a gaming clan im in and have been for quite awhile now. theyre all 25 and older, and most have been there done that, like me.


i check my emails constantly to check for posts hoping others will add to what ive written. no luck. maybe i know the answers and others see that. it still helps to write here, but id love the encouragement or ideas if anyone out there has any. i know ive written quite a bit, and its a day or two of readin...lol, but it helps to get emails, makes me feel like im still alive sometimes. im a person who is quite obscure *sp*, and sometimes very deep in thoughts, maybe someone will understand me one day...that would make my life right now.


still healing.....

Link to comment

Woke up this morning after a very long night of sleep. granted i woke up lots during the morning, but didnt get to bed till nearly 2 am. 9 hours of sleep was very good today.


still thinking about the ex. she called this morning to give me a message on my voicemail about work. she didnt seem the same at all. was totally professional, i could barely hear the real her in the phone message.


maybe thats better, and maybe shes struggling too. sometimes i think she just has a cold heart from all her past relationships...thats why she was so demanding in this one. still gives her no right to hurt me like she did. if youre treated like that in past relationships, and know the personyoure with has been as well, how can you possibly do it to another...she told her friend that maybe this was her time to hurt ME. so cold, so bitter.....


im upset today big time. but i have to go to work. bye..........................

Link to comment

I had a small breakthrough yesterday. I called my ex to ask her when she was coming to get the rest of her things here because I wasnt going to wait around the house for her and I think she thinks I am. We talked on the phone briefly about her doctors visit to check on the pregnancy. She was cool one minute, very nasty the next. She said she didnt have much remorse over what she did, and I truly think she is feeling guilty in a way because of what her situtation is now. Shes living with a friend who has a very busy house. We talked about how our relationship had already been over months ago, and I said its pretty childish and horrible to end it like this, we could have remained friends easier than to have resentment. All I said to her basically was that she pushed me away from her with her constant nagging, and that she wouldnt give the me the chance to change in the little ways like she wanted. I didnt have a problem changing the bad habits I had, she was just too relentless. I told her then that we have to be cool to each other, for one there is a baby involved, and two, we work together.


When she ame over to get her things we both didnt say much to each other during that. When we were alone without the over 5 people she brought ( I guess she feels secure when so many people come with her so I wont freak out on her...that got to me too, I almost laughed at how many people she needed to keep her comfortable around me) we talked again about the doctors visits, and to keep me informed about her pregnancy and she agreed, and was very nice about that. A few other things she was NOT so friendly about, and lashed out at me a few times about insignifcant things, which brought to my attention her hatred of me and the fact that I was done with this crap a long time ago too, she just helped me realize it right then. How can I go on and on with that woman if she puts me through that over and over again, and just let it happen...that truly was my weakness to her...giving in and letting her do and say what she pleased not caring for my own feelings myself.


I talked with my friends last night about it too and it helped to get it out and see the light so to speak. I went to a poker party and had a good time too. I thought about how easy it is to meet someone new, and to put myself in the surroundings to meet that person I want to be with. As I talked and as they talked I started to get to the point of reality that I was the one really not happy. I took care of that girl to the extreme, and in the end she was just too picky and selfish. How could any woman not appreciate a man who takes care of all the bills for her, and still cleans, and keeps house. I wasnt the most clean of guys, but not filthy either. I do what I have to do, and I gain habits...gained a lot through her which i appreciate now. But in the thick of it all, most of her nastyness towards me was all just excuses. Putting me down non-stop, and basically torturing me with verbal threats all the time, I cant love someone who is that way. I loved her caring for people, and her motherly ways,...but she is just too hateful of a person in too many ways to deal with. I realized I did way to much for her, and didnt get enough in return. Made me feel so much better about it all, and I truly hit a breakthrough with my own feelings.


I still wonder how it would have been had I not known what I know now, but I think she would have kept on doing what she was doing had she not became pregnant, and thats where I have to realize she would have cheated regardless and would have kept doing it had I not found out, and had she not became pregnant. there is not a way to let that go for sure, because she disrespected my trust in her. Im not totally over this, it was a 2 year relationship, but Im not so hard on myself today about it. The initial hurt is gone, and I realize now that I didnt love that woman as much as I felt. It was the hurt i was feeling about it, and the betrayal of trust that hurt the most in it all.


I will move on because I have no other choice. Its quiet here, and it gets lonely, but it wont take long for me to find myself spending time with new women, in better environments...without the constant struggle of nagging and constant bickering...that wasnt healthy for me or her.

Link to comment

Well her things are completely gone from my home and I can move on now from all of this. It took over a week, and it sure doesnt seem like its been that long already. WOW,...whered the week go? It went from thinking of the future with a baby, and possibly marriage to rock bottom and being devastated. Now Im filled with hope knowing that I can do better for myself. I have started to forgive her avman, and it does help because I cant possibly hold those hurtful feelings when I see her to get my child, or vice versa. Shell have a new man in the future, and Ill have another woman. I just hope my new woman accepts the fact we work together. I guess Ill come to that bridge soon enough eh?


Talking with my friends truly is a blessing, they see what has been for so long, and I did too, I just put up with it for too long hoping things would work themselves out in the end. Guess not. Things like that never do, they multiply into something that kills a relationship such as cheating.


Ill never stoop that low on a woman, I have that much respect. Now, where is that black book I had before I met the ex....hmmmm....guess I threw that away with half the things I had until the ex moved in and I got rid of half my things to make room for hers....now the place looks like a true bachelor pad, not much decorations, not much of anything...kinda depressing. Any takers on helping me decorate my apartment to make it look more lived in again?...LOL


In time Ill aquire things that will spice it up here again. She had so many things that cluttered this place up, I was on the verge of buying a house because we had no more room for all that stuff. Now I look at my place and say, WOW, two years, and I never got a thing for myself to help the place out....was all her doing mainly. I spent so much money on her and the bills, I had to way of spiccing it up myself. Almost makes me angry to see it now as I walk through, but time will rid that im Sure.


Thanks for reading everyone..I hope someone still is.......

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...