Being oversensitive about a joke?

[lillady898]

I posted a topic asking if anyone thought people with 2 different views on certain topics (such as abortion) would be able to make things work a while ago. Well, my boyfriend and I just got in a slight debate over the whole Michael Jackson thing. I think he should have been found guilty, while he thought the verdict was correct. I was fine with it... I'm really okay with us having different thoughts on things.

 

But then he made a joke that I was definetly NOT okay with. He said, "Well, hey, I'd even let my kids sleep in the same bed as MJ." I know for a fact it was a joke, because after I got angry he said he would be too protective over his kids. He doesn't have kids or anything, but I was really sensitive to it. Probably because my main goal after I get my masters is helping to protect kids from people like this. I don't know... Am I being oversensative?

 

He seems to think it was stupid for me to get angry about it, but I thought it was a bit too immature on his part to even say that. I just wonder now if we're too different...

 

(Some of these other beleifs he has, I also find, are defining his values. I'd like someone with the same, or even relatively close to the same, values. Is that too much to ask?)

[DN]

It's not a question of too much too ask, as if there is a standard of what is reasonable to be measured against. It is a question of what you can live with. If his beliefs, attitudes, values etc are different from yours to such an extent that they interfere with the relationship, then I think you have to walk away.

 

In the end, it has to be your decision whether, taken overall, you are better off with him or without him.

[misery12]

No, it's not too much to ask, to have a partner who has similar views, and values in life.

But for the joke, he admitted it was a joke, and didn't mean anything by it, and he didn't insult you directly, so you shouldn't take it too hard. If I were you, i'd just let it slide, it makes things easier in the long run.

 

If you and your boyfriend tend to have a lot of different views on subjects in the run of a day, and you find yourself arguing/debating over them.. then that may not be too healthy.

 

Maybe you should ask for his opinion on you two, and ask what he thinks about how you two always argue over universal topics. From his reaction, and reply.. you should have a pretty good idea if he is taking it seriously or not.. if he is just the type of guy that speaks his mind, you can't blame him.. or hold it against him, but if he fights about these things with you, constantly, you may want to think your relationship through.

[lillady898]

I just want to add something... I'm the type who believes that one person can do a lot to change things. When I was just talking about how awful rapists and murderes are, he actually said, "Just worry about your own life. What are you going to do about anything?" I think a line has been crossed here. I don't know if I should just break it off, or confront him with this?

 

Now, I guess my question isn't if this is something I should ignore (I realize it isn't). Rather I'm just wondering should I just outright end it or just talk about how our differences are affecting our relationship?

[DN]

I don't think you should 'confront' him about it - that sounds aggressive in tone and intent. You could discuss it with him without it turning into a contentious argument.

[Meow18]

I think you should talk to him about it before just breaking it off with him.

 

I don't think it was wrong of you to get upset over the joke he made about allowing his children to sleep in the bed with Michael Jackson. He said he was joking though. You know him better than any of us, do you really think he would allow that? I don't think jokes should be taken too seriously, but if it did hurt you, then tell him it did. I can completely understand why it hurt you, I mean, if you stay with him, his kids will be your kids too one day.

 

About the other stuff-rapists and murderers, I think you should tell him how that made you feel too. Obviously it hurt you because, as it may not be that big of a deal to him, it is a big deal to you. You should talk to him about it and ask him to not say things like that. When he says things like "why do you care, you can't do anything about it", it seems like he isn't supporting you, which is different than not agreeing with you.

 

It's really your choice whether to actually break up with him. In my opinion, I think you should talk first and see what happens, but maybe you have already tried that? Maybe you have already thought a lot about it all?