Someone slap me

[lakergal]

Just saw Batman Begins... and I won't give anything away but one line really stuck in my heart:

 

"It's not the man underneath that defines him, it's his actions on the surface."

 

I always thought my ex had the best heart, he just never acted upon it...

 

Why did THAT line bring tears to my eyes... and why do I feel like I let HIM down???

 

Ughhh.

[ShySoul]

It's great that you saw through his actions and saw into his heart, saw the great man he could be. But in the end he has to be the one to see it himself. Your probably feeling like you failed to bring that out of him and feel guilty that you couldn't change him. That's natural when we really care about someone and want whats best for them. We take on their faults as our own and when they fail to live up to their potential, we feel as if we've failed to live up to our potential. But you need to realize that you did the best you could. The final decision as to what kind of guy he is isn't in your hands, its in his. Remember, you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

[lifeiscash]

Great post above, Exactly true. Been in the same situation and I gave up knowing that I couldn't be the one to change how my girlfriend was.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Laker

 

Nice line and one of my fav movies, saw it the other night, whether it is right or entirely meaningless is a point i am gonna avoid. What I am going to say is.

1. Your ex was/is a douche bag. He cheated on you, threatened your child's life, threatened you, emotionally abused you.

2. You think you let him down because you have no self-esteem and are too in love with him to see what a reprehensible person he is.

3. IF you go back to this monster after he has threatened not just you but your child's life you are just as morally contemptable as he is.

4. You can't see it now but a year from now you are gonna be disgusted you ever loved him.

5. You didn't let him down; you got manipulated and abused.

PLEASE stay away from him. Whatever feelings he mght or might not have had were far outweighed by his contempt for you, your son, and your own health.

[lakergal]

Thanks, Nap... you were one of the ones I was hoping would set things right...

 

He's twisting what he did on his guild's board into being my fault that he's so miserable right now... and he has no energy.

 

ughhh... read that just now... flippin' tears - when do they stop.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Laker you caught me just as i woke up. Trust me, a year from now you are gonna be more greatful to me than you are even right now. Tears wont stop for a long time. Some days it'll be better, somedays worse, and some day you will miss the pain because it is so much a part of you but you don't feel it anymore. In the long run if you really put the effort into thinking about what you did wrong here, and you really want to avoid the same mistake again, you will find you only did one thing wrong.

1. Fall in love and become dependent on a wretched human being and give him more romantic love than he deserves from anybody. If you want to avoid this again from anybody else you now have the equipment to see it a mile away. However i think you should stop dating altogether (just for now) and work on building your confidence and boundaries with other people. Finding what is unique and good about you. It's something you need to figure out for yourself without looking for validation from it in other people. I used to have crappy self-esteem myself. And trust me, you wanna know what is the most theaurapeutic thing in the world after you have done that? Telling the person who has caused you the most harm you aren't really that into him anymore. He just doesn't do it for you," IF they call again eight months down the road, and hanging up, never to take their phone call again. It's that moment when you can imagine him banging somebody else and say, hey that's HER problem.

[lakergal]

I'm not dating now... not even casually.

 

I go out with friends and take my son to movies, but no dates. Even when out with friends where I meet single guys, I've said I'm not interested in dating and probably won't be for a long time.

 

One of the pro sports teams' coaches and I are friends. We were out the other night... the one said, "When you're ready, some damn fine lucky guy is going to find this gorgeous babe with a big heart... that's you."

 

I am not holding my breath... I'm not hoping for something that I'm not sure can happen.

 

When I read my ex's post about how RL has taken it's toll on him... I just about puked. He's blaming ME for the guild ending... what a crock of hooey. He's blaming me for him feeling bad and yet it was him who beat me and my son emotionally, physically and mentally.

 

ughhh.