Assumptions that our ex's don't think about us...thoughts?

[moonunit]

Why do we tend to think that our ex boyfriends/girlfriends - long term - not think of us or care about us once the relationship is over?

 

I am assuming this is more normal than not. This thought. But reading here I see that others say that they DO think about us, just not in the way that they think about us.

 

Or is this another assumption.

 

I guess it'd be easier for them to forget up to a point if they have all ready found another person but if no one else is permanently in the picture I would assume that every once in awhile the thought of us floats through their mind. I wonder if given time, these thoughts grow or simply fade away.

 

I was speaking to a friend this afternoon about her ex. He was horrible. He was not dating her exclusively though she thought he was. Eventually he caused a fight with her and they broke up. The next week he got married to another woman! Now after a year he was divorce from this woman and he eventually contacted my friend again a bit later - I think it was through aim? In his own way...he appologized to her and they have been casually talking (though the net) for the last couple of years.

 

She is now in a happy long term relationship, he's been single and struggling to the point of homelessness (he had to move in with his parents in another city).

 

He told her the whole time he was married, he thought about her. I'm sure it wasn't 24/7, but he had photos of her still and kept them.

 

I guess it's just interesting to me to think that the dumpers (especially the JERKS - male and female) still think about us. I mean they were the ones who wanted out of the relationship so badly that they didn't want to work for it (some situations) so it's interesting that we float through their minds. But then again...they're not completely robots - though I think we all imagine that they are when we breakup.

 

Still...personally, even though people tell me differently - I imagine my ex to be out there with barely a thought in his mind about me. I know certain things may set him off and my image may float through his mind, but generally I can't grasp the fact (as I'm sure many dumpees can't) that he still is actually thinking about me in some form/fashion.

 

If I could be a fly on the wall....I know I know - it doesn't help with the healing process, but it's a thought that has been flowing through my mind today.

[JynX]

Good post!

 

If it was a long term relationship, of course the people will still think about each other. They've spent a long time together, growing, learning, and making memories - all of that doesnt just fade away once there's a break up. I believe even after the person's gone through the healing process with NC and is in a new relationship, maybe a better one, there are still periodic thoughts about their lost partner. I don't believe our ex's ever fade away really. We might just not think of them as often, but they're still there, along with all of our other memories. Failed relationships serve as mentors for us, so unless we forget what we learned, we can't forget the person that taught us. After all, how can you share your life and heart with someone, and forget them?

[Empathy]

I know mine doesn't think of me. He's got his new little hussy to focus on. SoPHIAAAAAA...!

[NoMoreSunshine]

I can say that we do think about the ex at least off and on. When I left my now ex husband, I thought a lot about him. 5 years...you can't walk away and just wipe it from your mind. I think that is true with any relationship--long term or not, even including friendships.

 

You think of all the angles of it. Sometimes when we aren't sure we think of nothing but the good. But eventually we can be objective and then learn from it. I heard a really great quote today from Oprah it's something like "we can forgive when we quit wishing for the past to change" (i know i butchered it, i'll remember later and repost sorry!)

 

Right now I can't say much, because I am feeling way down. I think about my ex lover (just over 2 weeks ago she left) all the time. I'm not sure she thinks about me at all. We went for almost 4 days this week not speaking and then she needed something and came over.

 

I don't think she thinks about me at all right now. She is too self absorbed. Plus I have a sneaking suspicion (spelling?) that she's been seeing someone else for about a month.. I hope with all my heart she does think of me, but i'm not worth it for her right now. Ok, i'm still sad sorry!

 

Thanks for this view.. good to think of things from another perspective!

[RayKay]

Ex's do think about those they broke up with, if they don't I think they are probably not really very human! How much they think about you though will vary on several factors including the original depth of their feelings, time invested, and how much their life may have changed without you there, and if they have somethingsomeone to redirect their focus too.

 

Sometimes an ex resolved the idea in their head long before though, so might not dwell as much.

 

Anyway, it is absolutely normal whatever side of the breakup you were on to think of the other person, however that does not mean that you regret the decision to take the actions you did (ie break it off). You can still miss the person, yet have resolved in your own mind that it was the best decision for you at that time.

 

I never forget an ex, I don't talk to many of them (couple I do though) anymore but whether I talk to them or not, but I did share a big part of my life with them and now and then wonder how they are doing - it is not a love, but more of a "care" of them and who they are, and hoping the best for them in their lives. They are part of our history, our memory. I am very happy with my life now, and very much so with my partner, and I am thankful to my ex's for allowing me to let me go (whoever's idea it was) so I could meet him....but without them having been in my lives, I probably would not have learned as much as I did about who I am, and what I want. So I will always think of them for that.

[Empathy]

RayKay, my mom and I are STILL trying to figure out whether or not you can really classify my ex as human. To an extent I'm not joking either. As far as feelings and emotions are concerned he really isn't what would be classified as normal...