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Is it love or lust?

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I have been single for about a year and a half now, which I really got burned by my Ex. I met this girl last October, I really like her; pretty, fun, smart. But she just got out of a long relationship shortly before we met. It's been about 6 months now since she has known that I have interest in her, but any time I bring up dating she says she just wants to have fun and tells me to have patience. For awhile we only hung out with each other when we had out mutual friend with us. Now we spend time at the mall together and we talk on my phone 3-5 nights a week. We seem to be getting closer and really enjoy each other's company. But still she is not ready to date. The problem is I have trouble with patience and trust. I think that just because she doesn't do things with me or return phone calls, that she is blowing me off. Which she has mentioned a couple of times that she realizes I feel that way and that is not the case, she is just busy.


I usually get bored with women and give up trying to date them after a couple of months. This one is different, I feel like she is worth waiting for, but how long is too long? I am so afraid of being hurt again and sometimes I feel that I am too young (23) to be held down. She is so special to me, but I am worried that if I do not calm down have some patience and trust her some more, that I may lose anything I may have with her.


Anyone able to help me overcome my trust and patience issues?



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Since OCTOBER . . . It's been to long . I would never WAIT for someone that long ! Start dating . . . she should be on the back of you list now ! The only problem with this is someone could get hurt ! What would you do if you found someone else and she came back to you at that time ? You would have to CHOOSE right !


As for your question . . . Been trying to figure out the difference between these two for a while now !

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If she just got out of a long relationship doesn't make sense that she doesn't want to jump right into something? We've been friends for six months, I feel better about being with her then other girls that I started dating and having sex with as soon as we met. Those types of relationships don't seem to work out any better. Don't get me wrong, you do have some good points and could get hurt either way you look at it. But I think I am going to take that chance and keep her in my life, see what happens. I am young, I will heal... right??

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I don't see anything wrong with developing a solid friendship first and giving her some time to get over her past relationship, so long as you are comfortable and feel like waiting is OK with you.


Obviously if you have had enough than by all means you have every right to have a look and see if there is anyone else out there who is interesting.


I think the main thing is that you are both comfortable with the level of the relationship as it stands now, and you don't feel like you are bring taken advantage of, and you are cool with giving her some time.


The choice is yours to walk away at any time, but if to you she is worth a wait, than go ahead and see what develops.

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I guess I would have a hard time letting her go completely. I am one of those not so bright guys that spoil women. Over the past six months we have gotten a lot closer, hanging out and stuff. She has told me she has feelings for me and is not ready for a relationship. I bought her a matching ring and necklace set for her birthday, I don't think she would where it know that I like her if she had no feelings for me. Then again, maybe she is leading me on. I choose to think she is trying to be friends for awhile so when can get to know each other and possible build a good foundation for a relationship.

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Hmm, the difference between Love and Lust..


Lust - Passionate feelings and the craving of intimacy with the person.


Love - Deeply caring about the person, Willing to be with them unreservedly. Through thick and thin.


But even at that.. there is much confusion about the word 'love'.

For example I can say 'I love chocolate' and/or 'I love my wife'


they're obviously not on the same level.


Greeks have four words for love; on the intention and capacity of the love.

[agape eros and philia]


Turkish have over 80 words for love i believe..


Interesting though..

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  • 1 year later...

Hello. The girl (Amy) mentioned above quit talking to me in August of last year, not completely sure why. Yesterday was my buddy's wedding, his wife is the one that introduced us. Amy and I were both in the weddin party. I was really excited to see her again, and sorda nervous at the same time. Everything turned out really well, we talked alot. She has a boyfriend now, which is fine, I want to be friends. At the reception I asked her to dance the last dance with me. I have to admit it felt so right, I was so happy. I told her she looked pretty tonite and she returned the compliment. Everything felt so great, we both looked so happy, I was so envolved with our conversation and looking into her eyes that I don't know what song we danced to ;-). At the end of the dance we hugged tightly and said it was nice seeing each other again. We got so close before and quit talking so long, but I never forgot her. I have such deep feelings for her, but I know I cannot put myself through what I did before. I just can't help but believe and feel that there is something between us, after all that time we still seemed to enjoy seeing eachother again.

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