Am I out of line?

[DN]

Has it occurred to you that you constantly say in this thread that you want people to be honest and give you their opinions and advice - but are constantly arguing with advice that is remarkably consistent.

 

I am sorry that you have or had cancer and I hope people will be appropriately empathetic - however, being as abrasive as you seem to be is hardly likely to help gain support.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

And sometimes you'll give alot, and get none. That's when people are below you and the best thing you can do is move on.

[fantasia2004]

DN

Royal Member

 

 

 

Has it occurred to you that you constantly say in this thread that you want people to be honest and give you their opinions and advice - but are constantly arguing with advice that is remarkably consistent.

 

I am sorry that you have or had cancer and I hope people will be appropriately empathetic - however, being as abrasive as you seem to be is hardly likely to help gain support

 

 

 

 

 

fine you are right. I did not mean to be so defensive.

 

Nor did I mean to sound defensive. I just think that if others are going to be abrasive towards me also, I will not sit there and take it like an idiot. This is something I have done in the past and because I use it as a shield to protect me from harm of others hurting me emotionally I have a hard time shedding this bad behavior.

 

It is similar to what one person told me. You are not using your domineering skills wisely and you are acting like a pompous fool. That you are being selfish. the latter I don't agree but if I am motivated enough because it must come from me, then yes I can change for better by handling this letter issue with my friend.

 

For the record, I am not mad at anybody okay?

[fantasia2004]

pushing people away seems easier to avoid hurt.

[fantasia2004]

And sometimes you'll give alot, and get none. That's when people are below you and the best thing you can do is move on.

 

That is true and it happens! So the brest thing is to let go don't expect anything in return and move on.

[DN]

pushing people away seems easier to avoid hurt.

 

except you can also push away people who care about you - and very often you get hurt anyway because you end up with no one.

[Mun]

I understand what you are saying about your friends and others being cruel to you at times, but I can't help and wonder if you are overly sensitive? My friend is that way and that's why at times I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around her. Not fun .

I would like to tell you that if these people are causing you this much grief then maybe it's time to just drop them and start looking for new relationships. Why stay with someone who is unreasonable anyway?

 

Fantasia, have you considered any type of therapy? Sometimes it helps to talk to a professional. I know that it helped me a great deal in the past. I was lacking the skills I needed to keep going and deal with things. I hope you will consider it.

[pchellak]

Fantasia,

I have to agree with most people on this post that the problem with your letter is the wordings. You wanted to advice a friend and instead ended up judging her and giving her orders ('dont do this' & 'dont do that'). Judging people is not going to solve your problems ... You may get a similar letter filled with judgements on you from her and, I can assure you that she is not going to change her ways.

Try reading some books like 'seven habits of effective people' and 'How to make friends and influence people'. These books are good books for anyone who wants to improve human relations.

 

my 2 cents!

[fantasia2004]

I thank you all. I am surprised to hear that this is perceived as a way of being a drill sargent.

 

No offense to anyone.

 

I am very calmy taking this well. And no, I am not angry with your responses.

[fantasia2004]

And sometimes you'll give alot, and get none. That's when people are below you and the best thing you can do is move on.

 

 

I am so angry inside that I feel like self distructing sometimes.

[annie24]

OOOoohhhh!!! I like the new avatar....!

[fantasia2004]

thank you Cool huh?

 

Anyway what should I do? I am in serious bind right now. Oh God I am so out of line with my emotions and I am very close to the edge. Help me please someone!

 

If I don't setle down I am going to bomb out like a explosive device.

[annie24]

Well, first off, don't send anymore e-mails until we here ok it first

 

Next, maybe you should read some books to get things back under control, like, "Why people don't heal." Or something like that by Caroline Myss. Another one is "Never be lied to again" by David Lieberman. I don't know.... go blow $100 at Borders, find a bunch of books that may help you center yourself.

 

I'm reading Deepak Chopra's "The Book of Secrets" right now - I'm enjoying it. It has some interesting things to think about....

 

Oh yea, and to get your anger out, take up kickboxing or something like that at the gym.....

[fantasia2004]

I am soo scared to go to a therapist right now.

 

I have in the past but I am wondering if going to church does it too.

[Rainz]

I am soo scared to go to a therapist right now.

 

I have in the past but I am wondering if going to church does it too.

 

Just finished reading the whole thread!

 

Yes! Go to a spiritual dynamic church, I have no doubt it will help you!

[fantasia2004]

I am soo scared to go to a therapist right now.

 

I have in the past but I am wondering if going to church does it too.

 

Just finished reading the whole thread!

 

Yes! Go to a spiritual dynamic church, I have no doubt it will help you!

 

Upfront and to the point!

[patience]

fantasia,

 

Do you keep a journal at all?

 

When you are feeling angry, frustrated, hurt, and so on, you could write it all out in a journal...and you can swear as much as you want too! This will help you to release your pent up anger and frustration. This process can also help when you feel sad, abandoned, confused, and so on.

 

If you are worried that someone might read what you have written, just tear the pages up afterwards...or burn them if you want.

 

You have the right to express how you feel, but that doesn't mean that anyone wants or needs to hear it, or read it. By journalling, you will be exercising your right to express your thoughts and feelings.

 

If you have people in your life who are abusive towards you, or just plain rude, you don't have to interact with them anymore if you don't want to.

[fantasia2004]

I know but it still hurts as if they are doing this on purpose to kill your spirit.

 

I am seething and I really don't want these people to have the upper hand

[fantasia2004]

I should not feel like I have to punch the wall or someone when they are trying to try my faith.

 

I feel like I deserve better treatment. How is it that we teach others to treat us. As the saying goes?

[Caring_Casey]

ok, hold on. If I was your friend I would not know what you were saying. First if all, You need to tell her face to face. don't write her an email. To me that makes you seem cowardly. You sounded like you were a principal diciplining a kid for chewing gum! You should have just sat down with your friend(s) and told them what you felt about them.

[patience]

I feel like I deserve better treatment.

 

Then seek out better and more compatible friends. Stay away from people who are abusive. People won't change their behavior just because you want or need them to. It just doesn't work that way.

 

I should not feel like I have to punch the wall or someone when they are trying to try my faith.

 

what are you talking about here? can you elaborate a little?

 

How is it that we teach others to treat us.

 

Personally, I don't agree with this saying. People are who they are. Some people are kind and respectful, some people are not. It is up to us to choose our friends wisely.

[fantasia2004]

I should not feel like I have to punch the wall or someone when they are trying to try my faith.

 

what are you talking about here? can you elaborate a little?

 

 

I mean I have anger issues and some people have a tendency to push my buttons because they know they can.

 

I want to stop myself from having these untamed emotions of anger and frustration when someone tries to test my faith I mean. I mean when they know they can control my anger.

[fantasia2004]

ok, hold on. If I was your friend I would not know what you were saying. First if all, You need to tell her face to face. don't write her an email. To me that makes you seem cowardly. You sounded like you were a principal diciplining a kid for chewing gum! You should have just sat down with your friend(s) and told them what you felt about them.

 

I hear you Casey, but really as I said in previous posts, if I had said this in person I would have been harsher. Have you ever met someone or had a friend who felt they could do no wrong? Stubborn as a mule? Perhaps?

 

I mean I am pulling teeth with her. Because she is so set in her ways how can anyone get through to her?

[Mun]

I have a friend like that. What I do : I listen to her, but then only consider 50% of what she says. She is very much a perfectionist and I see in her daily life that this is a difficult way to live. Also, very opinionated...I just let her talk. Often times I will say something and she will argue why I'm wrong. How can someone's personal opinion be wrong? It's your personal opinion, based on your experiences...we are not all carbon copies of each other. Ooops, sorry to vent.

 

Consider not talking to her very often Fantasia and see how that works for you.

[fantasia2004]

Open honesty Muneca.

 

I like that.