What should I do? I'm not in love?

[60Cycle]

Well, over the past week or so, my girlfriend has told me she loves me.

 

Initially, I didn't know what to say to it. I'm not sure if I'm actually in love with her. I care about her, we have good times together and she's a great person, but I don't know if I'm in love with her. We are going to break up in 2 months due to her going to college, which makes me hesitant to totally fall hard for her.

 

I don't know what it is. I've never been in love before and actually, I'm not sure I'm ready to go into such a deep relationship.

 

Well, my girlfriend basically told me "i dont want to continue being together if NOTHING is going to change here on out." So she will break up with me if I'm not in love with her (or if I don't tell her I am).

 

What do I do?

[urbangentleman]

How long have you guys been together?

 

If your not in love with her, or not ready for a truelly committed relationship, and as you've stated you really care for her, then you need to be totally honest with her.If you look all around this forum there are too many stories of games and heartbreaks.I cant help but feel, if people where totally honest with each other about their feelings, alot of this destruction could possibly be avoided.Granted sometimes people are going to be hurt anyway, but lies hurt more than the absolute truth, well for me anyway.

 

 

Besides, you never know what the future holds aor how it will turn out, so best to leave the bridges intact i say.Truth and honesty are one part of a relationship, but they both stem from a primary principle....and that is mutual respect.

 

I think this should give you a way forward, and see the value in someone who has been honest with you about her feelings.

 

Regards

 

Urban.

[RayKay]

I agree with urbangentleman.

 

How long have you been dating? You can't force someone to love, so her ultimatum sounds a little strange if it is early on - I mean is she going to feel better with a "fake love"?

 

Love develops over shared experiences over time...and sometimes it does not develop at all, and in that case it is best to let the relationship go for the long term best of both persons involved. If it were easy to love anyone, then well, we would never have break ups and all get married to the guy we dated at 15 years old (yikes!).

 

If you don't feel you can love her, or want it to go that far, it is best to be honest with how you feel. She may have expectations of a LDR, and it is best to discuss these things now before she goes away.

[shorty20]

I wouldn't tell her you love her unless you really feel like you do... I think that those words have kind of lost their meaning in a way. I used to hate when a bf would want me to say it every time I got off the phone with him, because it came to be just an ordinary thing with no meaning to it. Saying I love you to someone should mean the world to them, and I think that in alot of relationships it is way overused. That being said, if you don't plan on taking things any further than they already are with her, then just be honest with her and tell her that... no use in stringing her along, right?

[trendyfcuk]

Be COMPLETELY honest with her.

If you're just saying *i love you* to save her from breaking up with you, you're doing it for all the wrong reasons.

If you dont actually love her and you say it, she's gonna catch on.

Be honest

Good luck

[quiet_observer_guy]

Well, over the past week or so, my girlfriend has told me she loves me.

 

Initially, I didn't know what to say to it. I'm not sure if I'm actually in love with her. I care about her, we have good times together and she's a great person, but I don't know if I'm in love with her. We are going to break up in 2 months due to her going to college, which makes me hesitant to totally fall hard for her.

 

the situation kind of sucks

 

you shouldn't tell her that you love her

 

i did that once in response to being forced to say it and it was much more painful to have to tell her later that i did it because i was forced to

 

if she is leaving in two months, she may be just expressing anxiety about leaving, or about breaking up when she leaves

 

you could tell her:

- i care deeply about you
- i don't know if i want to break up when you leave
- i feel an ache inside when i think about you going away
- i'm going to miss you so much
- you are the most special person in my life

 

there are a pile of things you can substitute for i love you that will make her feel good about herself and your relationship

 

are you having sex?

 

if not, she may be considering having sex with you before she leaves and doesn't want it to be "cheap"

 

----

 

also, just because you are dating one person, how long would it take to get a date with someone else?

 

do you have a committment to your girlfriend? or has she become convenient and you don't really want to work of finding a new girlfriend or the work of dating others?

[60Cycle]

Well thanks for all of the replys, I appreciate it.

 

We have been together for a while, 6 months. So I understand why she wants to be in love. However, I don't understand the urgent ultimatum.

 

I don't believe it's just for sex either. If it was why would she make it basically "sex or breakup."

 

And about the LDR thing. We both talked about it long ago and decided it wasn't a good idea to do an LDR. I don't want to and she doesn't want to.

 

I'll probably end up talking to her later tonight, but any more advice would be welcome.

 

Thanks

[ladyluck]

tell her staight up that you're not ready fo i love you's . that's what i did. he said it too soo i told him that i cared the world for him but iy to be so caught up in the LOVE emotion just yet and i gave him a kiss and told him that i appreciated it

 

plus if she's giving you an ultimatum about saying i love you tell her that your feelings don't rely on on what she wants them to be and if she did love you she would accept it and be willing to wait.