Operation...Darth Vader?

[Kaia]

Hi there, I've only read the first post but i just like to say that.. cool title 8)

 

With the determination and the humour you've shown, I think you'll succeed. Just be careful that you're doing #1-4 entirely for getting a girl, it's for making yourself feel good too.

[whatdoyado]

I guess it's one of those things when you care, but then you don't care.

 

If I feel good and confident and know I am still in a healthy condition I just don't care what others say and there might be the days that I do want to look good, but it's to the point that I know the "others" aren't ruining how I feel.

 

I say you should treat your body well. If you chose to get into shape that's great. If you chose to look great that's your thing. Treat yourself with respect, you'll get respect.

 

Why do guys and girls care so much about there LOOK? MTV, CNN, the Style Channel...etc The world tells us what's hot and what's not.

 

This makes me laugh though...because the people who make fashion are also the ones who still depend on other people, the consumers, to tell them what's hot and what's not. And that is the hopeless, pointless, rotating circle of how you should LOOK.

 

Shy, I don't think girls do know we just act like we do. I think the statement "Communication is the key" is very true (otherwise I would be so lost). That was made by someone who had to learn that the hard way.

[Stinkweed]

Oh, one more thing I have to say about this post:

link removed

 

Jk, but seriously, once again, good luck Dman.

[ShySoul]

 

 

Funny DeadEyes, very funny.

 

whatdoyado, great point about people being told is hot or not. Personally, I find most things that are suppose to be hot, not. And vice versa. Funny how so many rush into the latest trend only to change when the new "season" hits. Oh, and if girls just act like they know, they are better actors then guys.

 

asdf, what I've advised is to be yourself and wait for love to find you. If his objective is to find love, how do you put a timeframe on that? For that matter, putting a timeframe on things is generally a bad idea. It sets you up for disappointment if things don't go as planned and may make you rush into something your not ready for or don't really want just for the sake of meeting some artifically imposed deadline.

[asdf]

I guess it's one of those things when you care, but then you don't care.

 

If I feel good and confident and know I am still in a healthy condition I just don't care what others say and there might be the days that I do want to look good, but it's to the point that I know the "others" aren't ruining how I feel.

 

I say you should treat your body well. If you chose to get into shape that's great. If you chose to look great that's your thing. Treat yourself with respect, you'll get respect.

 

Why do guys and girls care so much about there LOOK? MTV, CNN, the Style Channel...etc The world tells us what's hot and what's not.

 

Not quite! TV does like to tell what's attractive or not, but the real reason that people care about their looks is ego. Makes you feel more attractive.

[whatdoyado]

Not quite! TV does like to tell what's attractive or not, but the real reason that people care about their looks is ego. Makes you feel more attractive.

 

Ego...don't you mean self-esteem?

 

Then who's ego is greater...girls or guys?

 

I'm sure when it comes to fashion girls, but guys take it to another level on other aspects though.

[asdf]

meh, they're pretty much the same thing.

 

i'm sure being good looking would inflate anybodys ego, some more than others.

[ShySoul]

Zero girls invited me to dance, although everyone of my friends got AT LEAST 1-2 dances. The worst thing was that the girls asked them to dance when I was right there, next to and talking to my friends, as if they didn't even see me - hell, I didn't even get a look.

 

Did you ask a girl to dance or did you just stand there by the punch bowl? As good as prom punch is, get out there and ask someone. Doesn't the guy usually do the asking? Forget about girls asking you, be on the prowl and ask them.

 

And don't worry, I've had like 2 dances in my whole life. Your not alone.

 

Girls never really talk to me on a consistent basis, I have never been asked to be part of a group to go out anywhere (in terms of a few girls and a few guys, mainly as friends) and I am not more than just an aquaintance with practically every girl I know.

 

I've never really been part of a group, so no worries there. As for girls talking to you, do you talk to them often? Or do you expect the girl to come up to you and start a long conversation? Are your interests something that girls relate to? Befriending girls isn't as hard as it seems, you just need to talk to them. Ask them about there day, what there up to. Find something you have in common. Be nice and polite. Start taking the initative.

 

This is waht makes it hard to ask a girl out - I see the signs but I get the no's. I don't know what I can really do - I've been flirting a bit lately and appearing more "fun", but I usually get no more than a short conversation.

 

Time to see the glass half full. At least you are getting no's. That means you are trying. Would you rather have a no but be able to say you went for it, or sit back afraid to do anything? Take those no's and wear them as a badge of honor. Someone turns you down? Fine. Think how sorry they'll be when you get a yes and they'll all of a sudden realize what a fool they were to pass you up. Think of the lucky girl who will say yes, and how much better off you are for waiting for her. And your getting conversations, no matter how short. Thats a start.

[DaXMan]

I'll answer your questions in three parts ShySoul, one to each critique:

 

1.) Luckily, there was no punch bowl in our school Our Homecoming was in the gym, so everyone was technically "on the dance floor". I didn't really dance, but I was right next to my friends - the friends who were getting dances (the girls were attractice too). So, no I didn't stand off to the side, but I also didn't exactly ask a girl to dance either (there was no slow songs).

 

2.) Again, this is probably due to seeing girls go up to some of my friends occasionally. I see a girl go up to my friend, so I probably expect something similar, although that isn't the best plan of action. I talk to them and can be witty (I get some chuckles), but after that convo, out contract lessens. I feel the best solution now is to start going up to them as you said, but I don't want to make myself seem annoying.

 

3.) I agree with you completely here - getting a no is better than not doing anything.

 

Thanks for the encouagement ShySoul.

[ShySoul]

1. No slow songs? What kind of dance is this?!! I wouldn't dance unless its a slow song, not at all into fast stuff (and thinking of what was probably playing, I definantly wouldn't have liked it). And another thing, alot of people don't dance at a dance. Its basically a large get together to music for those who feel like making a fool of themselves on "the dance floor."

 

2. As a female friend just told me, "you've got game but your lacking in follow up." You can start a conversation with girls and it can go well. But you don't follow that up. Go up to her again and have another conversation. Keep talking to her. Use what you talked about before and go on about it. If she said that she was doing something over the weekend, ask her about it the next week. Once you start, keep it up. Don't fall back in the habit of expecting them to come to you.

 

3. How about making a game out of it? See how many no's you can get in a week and then try to beat that record. Or say to herself that once you hit a certain number of no's you are going to treat yourself with something. Get that videogame you want or something of the kind. Have fun with it. You'll probably get so into it that when someone say yes you may be slightly disappointed.

[DaXMan]

1.) I know - our dance was real weird with no slow songs. I was banking on the slow dance, but I was screwed when none came. I can't dance for my life (I tried once for a minute when ten kids literally pushed me into it and I needed my friend to relieve me since I have one real move and after that...well, it isn't pretty) so I may need to learn that before I go to my next dance.

 

2.) I agree with this - being persistent is key. I have to do this.

 

3.) Haha, nice idea, but I don't think it would work. If I get so many no's, I'll be known for it and it may hurt my chances if I asked a girl out in the near future (at my school). Good idea, but I dunno if I'd do it.

[ShySoul]

1. I tried dancing once, at a friends birthday party in 6th grade. My thought: the rest of them look silly dancing, so why don't I just take it to the max. So what if it isn't pretty, not like anyone will care the next day. Don't care what others think or how it looks, just have fun.

 

2. Persistance pays off.

 

3. Then head to the mall and start talking to girls there that aren't from your school. Hey, you never know, maybe if a girl sees you asking out these other girls she'll start to think she better go for you and ask you out before its too late.

[whatdoyado]

The bolded one is the #1 reason why I am in the mental situation that I am. Girls never really talk to me on a consistent basis, I have never been asked to be part of a group to go out anywhere (in terms of a few girls and a few guys, mainly as friends) and I am not more than just an aquaintance with practically every girl I know.

So, in short, this may not even be as high up as getting as gf: I can't even succeed at getting "in" with girls - as in going out as a group of friends or just hanging out and other things like that.

 

Look we're the same age (sorry, I'm sure that isn't relivent) Anyways, girls like to be approached by the male it's boosts their self-esteem (as it would anyone who gets approached by the opposite sex). If a guy takes the initiative, it's great. Girls like the traditional guys ask girls; even though many girls are taking the stand and asking the guys now. Most girls won't talk to you unless you talk to them. Hey look I'm a girl and I'm talking to you now. Why is it that you guys are so upsessed with having a gf? Is it another to add to the list or because you don't want to be the third wheel when your hanging with your buddies? I want a boyfriend, but it hasn't been for a couple of years now. Being single isn't all that bad, you know?! It would be nice to have a bf but I'm not in a mental state about it.

 

Here's a dating philosophy for you...Dating is as much about learning what you need and want, and how you need to grow and change, as it is about finding the "right" person.

[jurupa]

DaXMan like I said before, the reason you may not have girls coming up to you is your body language. You may think you have an open body langauge but in fact that it may be closed (meaning "Don't talk to me"). Also you may have your expectations to high as well. You see your friends interact with girls and think you will get the same. But in life things are like what you want them. Another thing could be that you are showing how desprate you are. This is a huge turn off to girls.

 

Also ShySoul's game may actually work for you than against you. It may not get you a date any time soon, but it will help you in approaching girls. By making a game out of it you will think less about getting the yes you want. Yes it may ruin your rep, but its high school. Plus why are you so worried about you rep anyway. Its high school, it will end and many thigs will not contuine out of high school anyway. Also I know your thinking about the girls laughing at you. Dude don't worry about it. They will laugh and for various reasons. If you are going to do this, go for the hottest looking girls you can find and try to do it when they are talking to their other female friends. I know your thinking I am crazy, but heres a lin for you to use:

 

"Do any of you girls want to go out with me?" (Say it like you don't care, but in a light and funny voice)

 

And when you get your no's say this:

 

"Sweeeet I just beat my record of getting the most no's at once, thank ya" (Again say it like your first line, and say "Sweet" a bit louder and strech it out some as well)

 

And walk away. Girls may ask you what the hell your doing and just say that your seeing how many no's you can get at once.

 

Now I know it may seem that you want to put your self down, but your not. You are making it easier for your self to approach girls, becuase you will get confrontable with it.

[ShySoul]

Sweeeet I just beat my record of getting the most no's at once, thank ya" (Again say it like your first line, and say "Sweet" a bit louder and strech it out some as well)

 

One problem: What if he gets a yes? Does he take it seriously or act like their joking? Does he act confident or surprised? Does he take the date even if he doesn't know the girl?

 

I was thinking one on one, a group of girls can be intimadating to start out with. And he doesn't have to ask them out, just talk to them. But the points the same, he gets comfortable talking to girls.

[jurupa]

Sweeeet I just beat my record of getting the most no's at once, thank ya" (Again say it like your first line, and say "Sweet" a bit louder and strech it out some as well)

 

One problem: What if he gets a yes? Does he take it seriously or act like their joking? Does he act confident or surprised? Does he take the date even if he doesn't know the girl?

Well it really depends on him and his personality. And I thought people dated people to know them better?

 

I was thinking one on one, a group of girls can be intimadating to start out with. And he doesn't have to ask them out, just talk to them. But the points the same, he gets comfortable talking to girls.

The reason I said to go for groups and not one on one's is that with a gorup it is easier to "escape" or contune the converstation easier than a one on one approach.

[whatdoyado]

Talking to us girls can't be that difficult can't it????

 

Sorry if we make it....maybe if I pass the word on girls would just stop this silly nonsense.

 

I don't know about you but I like a challenge. Trying to make things work and improving your game in the dating world will one day payoff.

 

Any Questions?

[ShySoul]

Well it really depends on him and his personality. And I thought people dated people to know them better?

 

Right, it depends on what he is comfortable with. I'm just pointing out what could happen so he's ready and doesn't get caught my surprise. And maybe its just my personality or the that I'm weird, but I wouldn't date someone I don't know. I need to know the person first before I find them attractive and would go on a date. Then I get to know her even better then before, and I already know I'm going to enjoy the evening instead of wasting my time on a bad date.

 

The reason I said to go for groups and not one on one's is that with a gorup it is easier to "escape" or contune the converstation easier than a one on one approach.

 

Again, depends on what he is most comfortable with. I prefer to be one on one and get to know the person, with groups the conversation floats around too much, don't learn as much. Plus, he needs practice talking alone with girls if he wants to eventually have a good date with one.

 

Talking to us girls can't be that difficult can't it????

 

If the girl makes it or if we really like the girl, and then its our own insecurities. But it would be a help if you could convince more girls to do the initiating.

 

Challenge is ok, but after awhile it becomes like a Rubix cube... fun at first, then you just want to tear it apart because your so annoyed.