Can you make any sense from this

[liasonred]

Hi all, i'm confused please help!!

 

Me and my girl of 6.5 yrs split 2 months ago. She found someone else lied to me about it and left. I didn't make any attempt to win her back or beg her to stay. Just said I thought us splitting was a mistake and that we should work things out.

 

We had a lot of stuff to sort out and had to keep contact for about 2 weeks after she left. In that time I made no attempts to contact her for any other reason than I needed and told her we could not be friends.

 

Through friends and her family I got to find out that she started seeing someone else. I am not bothered by this as we split, but she never told me and kept on that she wanted us to be friends.

 

When everything got sorted out I started NC. She text me twice and I ignored these and she also text my mum and she ignored her message too. This week is about 5 weeks NC and she mails me with the subject "please respond" and below is how the mails went:

 

HER

> > >Hello,

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >Hope your well!?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >Any chance we could meet up at all this week or the next?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >L

 

ME

> >Hello,

> >

> >I'm good.

> >

> >Not trying to awkward at all but why do you want us to meet up?

> >

> >Scott.

 

HER

> >Just think I owe you an apology and a bit of honesty.

> >

> >Is that OK?

 

ME

>If this is to make you feel better about it all? i'd rather we didn't.

 

HER

>Human nature, it will make me feel better getting how I feel off my

>chest, but I understand completely if you would rather not.

>

>I would love for us to be friends but I know that could never happen?!

>

>L

 

ME

Is this really that important to you? are you ok? Because I just can't

see

that there is anything you can say that I will want to hear about the

whole

situation.

 

For me it will just dredge up how you treated me and this time I will

have

to hear it from you as opposed to everyone else giving advice and little

 

bits of info that I really didn't want to hear in the first place.

 

As for friends I seriously would have loved that to be possible but that

 

could never work, because of the way you made events occur. We both lead

 

separate lives now and with those come different responsibillitys. I'm

sure

David (Her new BF) would love the idea of me and you being friends!

 

HER

I'm ok, just really miss your friendship. Obviously not sure on your

position but I know David would be happy for me to stay friends with

you.

 

As you were part of my life for a very long time.!

 

My last mail went something like this:

 

Lisa,

I do not hold a grudge or have any bitterness towards you.

 

If you are happy with David then don't involve me. I don't wanna be involved and it is better for you too if I am not too.

 

If this is really that important to you then we can meet. Just think about what you wanna say and it can't all be about you making yourself feel better.

 

Scott.

 

Now that was 2 days ago and I haven't got a response... Was I too harsh on her? Is she really ok? Should I meet her? Should I mail her again. Shall I just ignore and forget about it and start NC again?

 

Any advice or insight from someone would be much appreciated.

[loveydovey]

Well, I say just wait for her to respond again. If she doesn't, then oh well. But don't you go writing back to her to ask her what the deal is because, No you weren't to harsh. I think that was a good letter. It was straight to the point and honestly how you felt.

 

And as for being friends, I wouldn't do it right now. To me, it would be totally different if neither one of you were seeing someone else and the two of you were both open to the idea of friendship. But the current situation just does not permit that right now. So I think you have the right idea.

[kariphyve]

as a person in a similar predicament, you are being bitter towards her. you may not want to admit it but your being harsh. hear her out, it will be good for you because you have things on your chest too the 'HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME'

no maybe it wont be like hollywood and you two will ride off into the sunset leaving 'david' behind however, it will make amends and a definate end to things. if you guys dated for 6.5 years and she left you, maybe there is something that you actually missed along the way because people dont just get up and leave for no reason. try talking to her or send her an email apology, and offer to talk on the phone if in person is too much. but if you loved her for 6.5 years you can at least still be her friend.

[Royltnxile]

I dont think you are being harsh at all. You are being honest and telling it like it is...and she needs to hear it after what she did to you and how she handled it. If she cheated on you, lied to you, and didnt end the relationship in an honest and upfront manner, then she doesn't deserve ANY kind of friendship or affection from you. I think you are right on what you said about her wanting to feel better about what she did. She is looking for you to provide that. Don't do it! Be ambivalent, indifferent, and standoffish.

 

She chose to do what she did. Let her live with it. She wants to be friends with you? baahahahahahahahah After what she did? She should have thought about that BEFORE she dumped on you.

 

Isn't it funny how people who crap all over someone often times like to look towards the person they crapped on to validate their actions and offer absolution?

[Wimpy]

Isn't it funny how people who crap all over someone often times like to look towards the person they crapped on to validate their actions and offer absolution?

 

I really agree with this. What you did was NOT harsh - it was honest. I found myself reading your post and wondering what I'd do if my ex contacted me. It's been 11 weeks or NC. If all he wanted to do was apologise and salve his conscience I hope I'd be strong enough to say "no...live with what you've done I'm not going to make it easier for you".

 

If he offered to explain WHY and HOW he could have done it - then that would be harder as those are the same questions I ask myself almost every day.

 

In the end I hope I'd be wise enough to think WHAT'S BEST FOR ME and then do that.

 

This isn't about THEM anymore - it's about US and how we heal in the quickest possible time with the minimum amount of damage. I, like you, am not the SLIGHTEST bit interested in renewing a friendship with my ex - and my actions back early on highlighted that which is why I think he's made no further contact.

 

Anyway as for you - what you wrote was FINE. Don't meet her if you'll end up feeling worse afterwards. She just wants to make it all "neat" so she can stop having guilt attacks. If you want to allow that then meet - if you're not ready to do that (quite understandable) then don't.

 

Others might agree but that's my take on it.

 

All the best.....

[liasonred]

Thanks for all your replies.

 

In response to kariphyve

I am not really being bitter to her just protecting myself. A lot of our relationship was me making her feel better about the person she is. Yes I do think "How could she do this to me" sometimes but also understand that she has, and that makes her not the person I thought she was. The 6.5yrs together works both ways. I'm moving on without her and see this as her not letting go of me and wanting me to still "hold her up" when she's feeling low or guilty. I can't and won't. However if she is in anyway feeling really genuinely bad about it then I agreed to meet up and make her feel better but got no reply. I am torn between shall I make an effort now! but see that as me being weak and doing something that's not best for me as I did throughout the whole relationship. Putting others first is the person I am and this situation is really hard for me. I do still care for her.

 

Everyone else:

I think you all see this the same way I do. I do not want her back but can not see into the future either. We had a great life together and it's hard to imagine anyone else replacing her but I am open to that happening and not aching for a love lost. Friends would be nice but to much complication. and the reason behind wanting this is her guilt and that just sets alarm bells ringing. I want my own life and not to be a bit part player in hers like she wants me to be.

[chai714]

Liason,

You've handled everything VERY well. Calm, collective, firm but not rude. First class all the way. Don't contact her, and don't second guess your actions. In fact, you're doing HER a favor by meeting up - as you know she wants peace of mind and nothing more from you (except possibly a superficial friendship). At any rate, I must commend you on how you have handled this whole manner. I can tell that you are a person who posesses high self-esteem and self-respect. Good luck and continue your calm and collective actions toward her.

[heloladies21]

Dude, you handled that great! All she wanted to do was ease her guilt and you threw it right back at her. What she wanted was really selfish, putting what she wanted over what you wanted and you didn't fall for it. You did great, don't meet up, go back into NC, and be confident that you did the right thing. There's no doubt about it.