She's marrying someone she doesn't trust

[S.Ken]

I've got a friend who is getting married in less than a month and to my surprise, she informed me that she doesn't trust him due to some things he's done to her in the past. I knew of these things and just assumed that he's regained her trust since she's marrying the guy, but no.

 

She says that she loves him, but doesn't trust him and he has to earn her trust back.

He hasn't really had a chance to prove himself because he's been in Iraq since November (they got engaged right before he left) and before getting engaged, they had briefly gotten back together after one of their many splits.

 

The only thing she has to go by are sappy letters and phone calls from him telling her how much he's changed and blah, blah.

He recently pissed her off (again) by lying about several past relationships he's had while they were broken up and he only admitted to them when she caught him in a the lie and forced it out of him.

 

Now her distrust for him has increased, yet she's still going through with the wedding when he gets back on R&R.

 

I don't know, it just seems like she's taking a pretty big chance doing this. I've kept my mouth shut about the whole thing since my advice usually falls on deaf ears, but most people would make the guy earn back their trust BEFORE marrying him. I wish her the best, but it seems like she's taking a pretty big gamble.

 

Strange.

[Hope75]

I agree. Things like this are the reason why now 2/3 of marriages end in divorce.

 

Perhaps she thinks that a wedding ring will give her back the trust. It won't. It really is sad that these issues aren't addressed and taken care of before people walk down the aisle.

 

People tend to think of marriage so much more lightl now then they did before. It's "oh, if it doesn't work out, I can just get a divorce." They don't think when they go in church in front of friends and family and God and promise to love honor and cherish each other forever, it's supposed to be forever.

[DN]

I don't think she is wise to get married until she can reasonably trust him, but she shouldn't have been grilling him about what he was doing while they were broken up anyway - not her business.

 

Is it possible she wants to marry him to get the benefits that go along with being in the military?

[benevolent]

I guess she is going to find out the hard way. When there's a lack of trust between 2 people in a relationship, especially in an intimate one, then it's just a matter of time when that relationship will dissolve. Trust is a major foundation and when it's not there or very weak, then it's pretty tough to make the relationship successful.

[S.Ken]

Even if the marriage does become a disaster, knowing her, she'll let it drag on for years because since she's always taken him back despite the crappy things he's done to her, including possibly exposing her to an STD by having unprotected sex with several women during one of their break ups and lying to her by saying he did use protection.

 

She's not sure if she got the STD from him or from a fling she had during the break up (although she used protection). She ended up getting tested alone since he refused to go and had to get the medication for both of them so she'll never know if it was him or not.

 

Anyway, how did she respond to his reckless behavior that could've jeopardized her life? She didn't speak to him for 2 months. That's it. That was her big punishment. Most girls would've dumped his @ss and burned his house to the ground, but not her. That's the ULTIMATE act of betryal, in my opinion that is totally unforgivable. Even if he didn't expose her, his reckless behavior is inexcusable and shouldn't be forgiven. Sorry... that's a button of mine (and my worst nightmare)

 

That's how I know that she's not going to leave him easily despite the resentment she still harbors towards him. Call it love or plain ol' obsession, but this girl is serious about holding on to him.

Btw, she told me that she suspects "foul play" beause of a "suspicious comment" he made the other day.

 

But as I've said before, I've kept my mouth shut becaue I believe a person should make the decision (good or bad) to marry another without any outside influence.

I just hope she makes it through this in one piece.

 

 

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