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Just when I think I am healing, something will happen and it will knock me back. We've been apart for about 6 weeks after a 4 1/2 year relationship and it has been tough on me.


She wants to be friends, but I told her there is no way we can have just a friendship. I have no problem getting together with her once in a while to talk, but that's about it.


I've learned over the past 6 weeks that she is not the same person that I fell in love with anymore. Looking back, I can see the gradual change in her over the past year. I think that I tried to ignore it before, which was a big mistake.


My problem is that I know the "old" her is in there somewhere and I am still in love with the person that she used to be. I kept dreaming of her last night, which caused me to continually wake up. I can't stop thinking of the way things used to be and how easy it would be to get them back. We really never had to put any effort into the relationship, as everything progressed so naturally. We just had a natural connection and as that began to fade, neither one of us took the time to work on it. It's so hard living with the regret of not trying. Despite the fact that she has changed so drastically, I would love to just try. She said that she isn't giving up on us and that she doesn't know what will happen in the future, but she needs this right now.


I also know that waiting around is not going to do any good. I'm actually planning on moving to a different city in a couple of weeks. I'm not exactly sure why I'm moving though. I know I have to move eventually to a bigger city because my career is going nowhere here. Part of me also thinks that she might miss me if I'm not just a phone call away. I also hate bumping into her everywhere. It has ruined many nights for me. If nothing else it will help me to get my head in order.

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Do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel comfortable right now. You are the most important person in your life and you have to look after yourself 1st. All your emotions are normal.


You won't wait around for her. You'll heal up and find someone new. I'm positive it's going to happen.

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I guess one of the things that scares me is knowing that I won't wait around. I want so badly for things to work out but the more time that passes, the more I can feel her drifting away. I'm scared that I won't want to give it a chance later on, even though right now I know that she is the one for me. It's such a weird feeling. It's almost like I keep hurting myself because I don't want to completely heal until she tells me that it is over for good.


I also feel like she knows I can get her back. When I talk to her and the conversation begins to sound like it did when we were dating, with little flirty things that we used to say or too much eye contact, she will back off a little and try to end the conversation. I think that she still feels something when this happens but she forces herself out of that place. It's frustrating because it makes me feel like she still has feelings, but won't explore them.

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Please read my latest post on my post 'Giving up?? Dating again??'


Don't confuse warmth with a desire to try again. Is she wants you back she has to actually tell you that -- no hints, or flirting or pleasantries will do. She broke your heart -- so she should be the one to reach out. Want to know the truth? Of course she still has feelings -- you were together over 4 years and she will be having to cope with those feelings but you cannot make her change her mind, only she can do that.


As for worrying about whether you will want her back if she comes back to you months from now. You can't worry about this. I used to think this too.


Short answer is -- you cannot know how you will feel IF it happens. Just like you cannot know how you would feel if you won the lottery, lost your job, have a child etc. You cannot hold off living life just because of hopes and fears.


IF she comes back months from now you will deal with it then. Maybe it will be to late maybe it won't -- but as a friend of mine said last night -- you just don't know whether the next girl for you is going to get off at the next bus stop. Things usually have a habit of happening when you least expect them so just try to live your life.



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