Is it worth it...?

[whitefang]

Lately i have been wondering why i bother trying, i don't seem to be having any luck what so ever. There is this girl who was at my college and has now left but only lives about 5 miles away from the college itself who i have lately been seeing in a different light. We are friends but we've never really hung out or anything, we'd talk when we see each other but that's about it, we also talk on msn a few times during the week.

 

I would like to ask her out but again like you heard from others im not that confient and again im doubting myself as i do and im not sure whether its me or whether im only seen by girls as a friend only and i wonder whether it's worth trying anymore. Just not sure whether or not too ask or try anything, i've had no luck before and why should it be any different.

 

Im not the most confident person, i might not have the best looks but i try with what i have but it doesnt seem to work, and as i said im getting to the point where i can't be bothered anymore. It would be nice to have someone, too feel that closeness seen as i haven't had a relationship in a long time i kinda feel like i've missed alot and just generally not sure what too do anymore as a far as daiting is concerned.

 

If anyone has any advice, story or anything they wana add, i'd be greatful

 

Thanks,

 

- whitefang

[goldennugget]

Im the same, not the best looking, not very confident, not very lucky. At the moment im extremely lonely, the trouble is that im falling in love with a girl who likes my mate who has a girlfriend (there is much more to it, i may have to make my own post) but it just seems like i never get the girl, i never have the best times, im never the best at anything. Its extremely depressing and lonely, i know this wont really help much, but maybe we all need to know that there are so many others who are fighting for a good life and not just getting it handed to them.

[Jetta]

You're young yet you'll meet the right person. Rejection is just part of life. Everyone gets rejected at some point. Build up your confidence or at least work on appearing more confident, it really has does have a lot to do with attraction.

[lillady898]

Maybe before working on finding a girl, you should work on your confidence issues. Besides, it is really difficult for a girl to deal with a man with confidence problems- Trust me, that's coming from a girl who has had to deal with it and it is no fun. People can see how confident people are and many times it seems to turn people off. I know some people who are not the best looking, but people always want to be around them because of their energy and confidence. Some people weren't very attractive at first sight, but after talking to them, they were so good looking to me. Everyone has something good about them, and you just have to remember that. Whether you're funny, attractive, polite, ambitious, or anything. It's just a matter of allowing yourself to believe that. I've noticed that many unconfident people second-guess what they're saying and what they say comes out all wrong a lot of the times. This only brings their confidence lower because they're not getting the response they wanted. If they'd just say what was on their mind without thinking too much about what the response may be, they'd usually get a better response from everyone around them. Allow yourself to be yourself, people can see how genuine a person is. Smile a lot and be optimistic. If you train yourself to do that, many times the confidence comes naturally as people are drawn to happy people. Don't think of yourself as lonely- You just haven't had your chance yet. But it will come along if you just put yourself out there. You only live once, so who cares what people think of you? As long as you're not being destructive, it doesn't matter what you do. Confidence is a major component to have and build a healthy relationship with anyone.

[whitefang]

Thanks everyone for replying too my post.

 

I do lack confidence, im not quite sure how to improve it either. I have alot of aqaintences but no friends, at college everyone pretty much knows me it's not as if im an outcast and when i am at college im a completely different person. As i said im not attractive, or that at least how i feel. I do tend too over-analyise situations and cause more work for myself and needed and i've always done this, a very annoying habit . I am myself but i lack confidence and self-esteem.

 

I do feel that i probably wouldnt make a good boyfriend the way i am now, it's just lately i feel like there isnt any point in even trying anymore, i take the rejection but it just makes me feel like why do i bother, it would be nice to have someone close but i just feel like the most boringest guy who doesn't seem to be getting anywhere because of the way i am.

 

At time i hate being me, i'd rather be someone else, i doubt it would make much difference though.

 

- whitefang

[DN]

Part of working on your confidence is actually asking a girl out. Sure, she may reject you, but at least you will have asked. Remember that, for most people, rejection is part of the process so don't take it personally. The vast majority of people who are married or are in relationships don't look as if they belong on the 'A List' so don't worry about your looks. Most important is to be upbeat, as relaxed as possible and to smile.

 

So, my advice is to ask her out - do it personally or by phone if you can. A drink at a country pub where it is quietish and you can talk would be an idea.

[whitefang]

I try to be that, when im around girls i try to be myself. But being me is complicated lol, i'd love to be in a relationship but i myself don't feel like i can, i often feel emotionally imbalanced and im thinking of going to see my local councler too see if they could suggest something. Because im not sure what to do anymore, i mean all my friends have moved away either for work or college and i have plenty of aquataineces and i feel kinda left out.

 

I saw the girl i kinda like today, she was with her friend walking into the same shop, said hi and asked how she was etc and what she was up too.

I'd love too ask her but my problems is i over analyise situations and in turn what i want to say doesn't come out or i end up not doing it completely. Also being relaxed when your around someone you like whilst your hearts pound and your blood pressures rising is kinda hard lol

 

She's already completed the course that im going to be doing, she also offered to help me if i get stuck , must be a good sign, also she's asked if im seeing someone?

 

There is a possibility for something too happen, it's just finding the best way to ask, because i can't ask her over msn.

 

- whitefang

[DN]

She's already completed the course that im going to be doing, she also offered to help me if i get stuck , must be a good sign, also she's asked if im seeing someone?

 

I think you need to get 'stuck' very soon - you will probably need quite a lot of 'help'.

[whitefang]

Yeah, i'd proabably better get stuck occupy some of her time and attention lol.

 

She'll probably online later, so i'll have a chat then and see what she's doing next week but knowing my luck i'll make a mess of it (again with the neagtivity, but this is me).

[DN]

remember that luck has nothing to do with your negativity. That part is all up to you to deal with.

 

So don't come accross defensive to start with, as if you are really saying "If you're not doing anything else, would maybe like to waste an evening hanging out with me instead of the guy you really fancy". Instead ask her out with the attitude that she would be nuts not to want to go out with a great guy like you.

[whitefang]

... ok that just leaves me to ponder for ... a long time to think of a good enough way to make myself sound good and make nuts not too refuse. If i knew how too do that i wouldn't have as much trouble getting dates and asking girls out, then what would i have too complain about lol.

 

Also more than likely i would have probably used that line you said, god im rubbish at flirting and no wonder im not getting anywhere .

[DN]

You: "Hey, this is Whitefang. How are you?"

 

She: "Blah, blah, blah, ok, good, fine, etc."

 

You: "Great, because I wondered if you would like to go out for a drink with me sometime soon?"

 

She "Love to!"

 

You: "Great, how about Friday or Saturday?"

 

etc etc

[whitefang]

Yeah that sounds good , this would be better done in person wouldn't it rather than over msn, the only thing then is finding a way to see her in person??? that's the problem.

[DN]

better in person, but still very acceptable over the phone - the main thing is - don't find excuses to not do it.

[Massari]

white fang.. I always thought if I had the date .. it 'd be over.. I just had a date on friday.. and everything seemed sooooo well and then she calls me the day after .. saying that she'd just like to be friends!

[DN]

white fang.. I always thought if I had the date .. it 'd be over.. I just had a date on friday.. and everything seemed sooooo well and then she calls me the day after .. saying that she'd just like to be friends!

 

but now you have had a date you can get another with someone else and maybe that will turn into a relationship.

 

Keep plugging away - the more you try the better chance you have of finding the girl of your dreams.

[Massari]

I think being rejected befor a date is much better then after it.. I had such a great time on the date// I though everything was going perfect( the talks, holding hands) right now I am so depressed... saad.. I want this girl. and she doesn't.. I cried so much .. it's not cool at all.

[socalguy123]

hey whitefang--what are some things you really like, or are good at? are you good at sports? art? writing? cooking? playing a musical instrument? making movies? juggling?

 

if you focus on what you don't have (women), then you forget/lose focus about what you DO have--all those great things that build you up, make you strong and proud and interested and interesting.

 

when you keep those activities/interests/strengths/hobbies in mind, and remember how good you are at them, your confidence will show. you'll attract people (not just women), because you're not so needy. women will show up, just need to be able to stand on your own two emotional feet.

 

 

if you DON't have anything you're good at NOW, what are some thing or things that you're very interested in?? start pursuing those things, redirect all that passion/emotion for wanting a woman, towards that.. you'll have a lot more to show for it, IMHO, rather than chasing after women now, while you may not feel up on your game. you could be setting yourself for even more disaster if you met a girl, and weren't in the right place for yourself at the time.

 

i hope i'm explaining this correctly. self-acceptance, quiet confidence, pride--these things help you keep your chin up, to tackle rejection, and keep going forward to find the right one!

 

well, best of luck! if one person gets one thing out of this post, i'd be glad

[whitefang]

I don't have many hobbies, i enjoy working and being around animals. Other than that i did enjoy building websites, but that's gone out of the window, im so boring i have no proper hobbies and what girl would wana date someone who has hardly any interests or many friends either.

 

Not even sure whether i'd be a suitable boyfriend with being so emotionally unbalanced

[socalguy123]

well, the point is, instead of sitting around feeling bad, go and do something, find something to do, anything--and be good about it, and feel good about yourself.

 

once you are in your groove, they can tell.

 

hope this helps.

[whitefang]

I have thought about doing martial arts, because this could help with my emotions and keeping them intact but the thing is the money and finding the time, i suppose with the summer holidays coming up i could take it up also i have a part-time job so i could afford them, it's something too think about atleast.

 

Other than that im not quite sure what too do?

[DN]

If you live in South Wales and are remotely fit, you could join one of mountain rescue teams around the Brecon Beacons. When I was in the Army years ago, I was a member of one based at the barracks in Brecon, and there were three or four civilian teams. Great fun, gets you fit, you learn a lot - and it impresses the girls no end. If you live closer to North Wales there must be some around Snowdonia.

[whitefang]

I live more north, but im not that sorta person. Had a go once but not my thing and too be quite honest i have no idea, nothing i can think really get me excited or makes me wana do it, god i lead a boring life, im just at the point getting bored with anything and everything. Im not that fit either, i am trying too loose weight though, also i have asthma which causes a problem when i run so im pretty much screwed in that area. This is what i mean, no hobbies and nothing interests me, how would want to go out with me.

 

I mostly negative because, well i have nothing too look forward too (much) and it easier being this way, get used too it.

[DN]

how about something with animals? Volunteering at an animal shelter, or breeding dogs or dolphins or something like that?

[whitefang]

I already work with animals im working towards my BSc in Zoology, i also have a part-time job with my local vets which gives me chance too socialize whislt being there, which i do enjoy i have been thinking about doing some dog training but there isn't any obdience that sorta thing around here.

 

Apart from anything else animals give me the most pleasure, i enjoy working with them, at college im surrounded by girls as im the only male on the course and you'd think asking girls out would be easy im not supprised that spending 2 years so far hasnt turned me into one .

 

But at college, girls i've asked like me but only see me as a friend and it's annoying, im must be given some wrong vibe out but with not much experience i probably have no clue what im doing.