rnorth Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 I had a first date last Friday, and things just, well, really steamed ahead to the point where we ended up in bed that night. I never expect that and she kept saying that it was not her plan, she "is not like that"... It was just a great date that showed us we have a ton of chemistry... So romantic, really a perfect date. And when we started kissing, we couldn't stop to the point where she asked me to follow her home to make sure she would make it safely...and well, you know where that led... We got together again Sunday and have more plans this week. The thing is, I like her... but wonder about starting too fast. She seems absolutely enamored with me. I am (maybe because of past experiences) wary of this a bit. We also are able to talk about things and we seem to share value systems, politics, etc... Any concerns or success stories anyone wants to share about sex on the first date, whether it dooms a relationship from the start or not would be appreciated.... Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Well, just like sex on the 10th date....there will be some relationships that work out and others that don't! It can cause lust/sex to get confused with love at times, but not necessarily. It is my personal opinion that if it's right, it's right. I had sex on the first date with my live-in boyfriend, and no negative repercussions from that We got along fantastically, had a great time, and still do...and it just felt right. Despite that, we still took things slower, and dated a few more times before we became exclusive (though neither of us were sleeping with anyone else at time) to ensure we had right building blocks for a relationship. No regrets. Link to comment
hearo97 Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 I slept with my ex husband on our first date.... we dated for a couple of years after that, were married for a few more. But, in our case we didn't have enough in common.... or as we grew, we grew apart, or rather I grew and matured and he didn't. Nonetheless. You're adults, have a discussion about it... tell her that you're interested in her beyond the sex and you'd like to continue on. See what happens. Link to comment
SimoneTiger Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Yeah, I'm sure "she's not like that." Actions speak a lot louder than words, don't you think? Link to comment
rnorth Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 Actually my longest relationship to date started with sex and we had just met (without going on a date)... But this date was incredible... you could literally see we got along so well and when we ordered a Grand Marnier sampler, well that ended any question of inhibitions preventing us from otherwise getting together.... we were holding hands accross the table, long eye-locked gazes... I couldn't believe sitting there at the table that it was only a first date. And she is an incredible kisser! (she says the same of me). Wow! Link to comment
itry Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 sex on the first date means nothing but a good time!! dont look too much into it. enjoy her and let her enjoy u! i had sex on the first with an ex and we had wonderful chemistry! in the end.. it was his psycho patterns that made me break up.. not the sex on the first date. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Yeah, I'm sure "she's not like that." Actions speak a lot louder than words, don't you think? I really don't think it is fair to judge based on that. HE had sex as well on the first date, not just her. It is possible to generally NOT be like that, and then be "like that" once when it all feels right. It sounds like they had a fantastic time, and a great connection, and what it comes down to is how they feel about it in my opinion. Link to comment
rnorth Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 SimoneTiger - I don't believe that she does this on every first date, so to that effect, "she is not like that".... seeing how she practically wants to see me every day now (I actually have pushed back a little on that)... I think its possible she's just really likes me (as much as I am hesitant to believe that after my recent past!). I think its okay in this day and age to accept that women are also sexual beings and not apply the typical stereotypes that have existed in the past and apparently persist today. I would say "I am not like that" also... but I also was involved.... but what I mean is that I no longer go into a first date expecting to "get some", but rather have a nice time and see if there is anything there for a second date. She told me Sunday that she is worried about my impression of her, and I told her that I don't judge her and not to worry. She really was responsive to that... And I don't judge here. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 I agree with Ray Kay that either is will work or it won't regardless of the sex on the first date. I had sex with my bf 6 days after we had met, not a typical thing for either of us. The chemistry was there and it just felt right, and we have no regrets. If you are anxious and feel like it went too fast, you can tell her that you really like her but that you'd like to slow it down a little bit, and then you guys can hold off on the sex until you both feel more comfortable and ready. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Sex on the first date. Marriage proposal a week later. 3 yr. wedding anniversary next month. Best thing either of us ever did. Link to comment
SimoneTiger Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 I apologize: my previous post was regarding her comment, which I thought was comical, given the circumstances. Darn, it's not very obvious that the smiley is winking, is it? I am not trying to say anything bad about your past/future relationship with her, just pointing out the cliche. Link to comment
chai714 Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Amazing how we have a few success stories from having sex on the first date (or within 7 days). In reality though, successful relationships are not built on sex. One of the posts above this one stated that they didn't have enough in common to sustain their marriage. This is exactly what it takes to keep a relationship afloat - common ground, shared values, and a strong friendship . . .among a few other elements. If you do sleep with the other person on the first date, it's fair to expect for it to go nowhere. Why? Because you're sleeping with a stranger. Yes, some people luck out and get to know each other after the fact and coincidentally, it works out. For the vast majority though, it will not work. Good luck, and remember to take things at face value when you don't know someone. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Yeah, I'm sure "she's not like that." Actions speak a lot louder than words, don't you think? I agree with that one. Its to be expected that she would say something like that after sleeping with you so soon. Link to comment
Mun Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 I think sex on the first date is a no-no for so many reasons, some of the ones like you mentioned...and things just get more complicated when you should just enjoy getting to know each other slowly. That being said, I do have a good story to tell. I dated a man for 2 years who I slept with on the first date. ( so sue me, I hadn't had sex in 4 yrs ) He wanted to be involved in all my life, met my family, met my children. He took me out, and when I couldn't get a sitter, he took me and my children out. He slept on the hospital room floor when my son fell ill; telling the nurses he was my husband so they'd let him stay. He fixed my car a few times too. He never once mentioned that we'd had sex on the first date. It was a non-issue. He liked me and that was that. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 I believe that its possible for a relationship to happen when 2 people sleep together on the first date. It all depends on what you consider a successful relationship. Obviously not all of our relationships no matter when we sleep with the person are going to work out. A successful relationship doesnt have to end up in marriage, relationships last for however long they last. Now if you can have a relationship with this woman and realize that it doesnt have to work out for it to be successful then you will be fine but that would take a perspective change for most people to realize that. The truth is that if you sleep with a person on the first date then you dont know them, and just like the first date you cant guarantee that anything will happen after that given what you know about them. Now if you both happen to be highly sexual people then you have found common ground which is good for a relationship. It seems that often people have sex on the first date because they were in a long dry spell and they just want a piece. Take the experience for what it is, if its just sex then thats what it is, if it turns into more then it will go there. Having preconceived notions of a relationship before it even develops is only going to lead you to heart break. Instead enjoy the experience. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Oh, I'll be the first to admit my experience with this isn't typical. Just goes to show that conventional wisdom doesn't apply to ALL situations. It would be reasonable to expect sex to lead to pregnancy or disease and take appropriate precautions. It is not reasonable to expect sex to lead to a relationship. Link to comment
Mun Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Day_walker makes a good point. Not all relationships are meant to last, but you can't know that from the first night on. I'll tell more of my story, if for entertainment. Cuz now I feel like sharing This same guy call me up one day that he wanted to come over. I told him I had the flu and had been in bed all day. I hadn't cleaned my house-I couldn't have guests. Well, he came over and cleaned my house..even cleaned the bathroom. My babies were shocked, they'd never seen their dad pick up a broom. So why didn't I keep this guy? After 2 years I realized I hadn't fallen in love with him...so I let him go. Link to comment
Cecelius Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 I never expect that and she kept saying that it was not her plan, she "is not like that"... Sure, she's not like that till the next guy... Anyway, if you respect her less now that this has happened, then there really is no recovery. If you chalk it up to your masterfull skills and pimping ways, then it doesn't matter and now you can get to know her WHILE you are doing that. Also, be careful with your heart for a while: girls are notoriously fickle about this kind of thing, and if she's embarrased about it, she might be putting the brakes on seriously. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 So why didn't I keep this guy? After 2 years I realized I hadn't fallen in love with him...so I let him go. Just goes to show you that there has to be more to a relationship then being treated well. You need the chemistry, you need to "feel it". Muneca, smart move for realizing that and moving on. Link to comment
rnorth Posted June 17, 2005 Author Share Posted June 17, 2005 Well, one week later, got together three more times and things continue moving forward. Ceelius wondered if I respected her less? No, that was never an issue. We had and still have the chemistry and acted on it. No regrets, in fact we are talking about doing more "couple" activities in the future. And most importantly, we are talking and learning about each other. And it seems to draw us closer. Obviously its only a week, but things kind of launched ahead quickly anyway. Still, I know better than to draw the cart before the horse. Cautiously optimistic as always! Link to comment
SouthernSon Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Honestly, I would not worry about this. I know precisely what you mean about meeting someone and the chemistry is just so right for both of you. One time, my g/f had a g/f (no, not lesbians, just a friend) and wow, this g/f of hers was amazing in the values she held of what she wanted in life, what her outlook was, etc. That was incredibly attractive to me and also very tempting to me. I get the impression she felt the same way as we talked for several long periods. But I'm just not that type of guy to cheat on the person I'm with so I'll never know. Besides I could not even envision myself doing something like that. Anyway, why don't you ask her how she feels about things. Does she think things are moving too fast on account of having sex so quickly? Be open, truthful and honest. Link to comment
rnorth Posted June 17, 2005 Author Share Posted June 17, 2005 Does she think things are moving too fast on account of having sex so quickly? Be open, truthful and honest. We've talked about it. We both seem to be at the conscensus that the "connection" was there or else we wouldn't have gotten together like that. In fact we are both looking for the same thing which is a relationship. She told me that she was worried what I thought of her after having sex that first night... I told her "hey I was there too, but I wouldn't have done it without feeling a strong connection". Really I am not worried, just enjoying it... just got a text message from her. Very nice one, in fact! Link to comment
Mun Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Sounds like a very mature, grounded relationship. I'm happy for you. Wishing you the best. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 I agree with Muneca, It doesn't really seem to be an issue for the two of you, you really seem to like each other and feel a genuine connection, so I would, as you say, proceed with cautious optimism. Best of luck! Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 I think it all sounds great honestly there rnorth Like I think I said before, my boyfriend and I slept together on the first date too, and no regrets for either of us - we kind of kid one another about it some days like when we reminisce about how I for example just wanted to get him in bed, but we both know very well the connection is very there between us and was from the start, it just felt natural and fun. Yesterday he sent me a little message that said 'I love you lots babe...I think we are meant to be together" and lots of cutesy smiles...so as you can tell, it has not lead to anything but the best for us both....now I am all warm and fuzzy thinking of him Link to comment
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