wtf__ Posted January 9 Posted January 9 Well basically that's where we met but then we both deleted the app(not delete the account) and we've been dating for a few months now. But then recently my friend opened my tinder and I saw my bf but his pics have been updated. When I confronted him about it he said his friend is the one using it. What do I do? I know it sounds stupid but he just sounds believable and quite honestly I wanna believe him. But at the same time not?? Somebody help with what you think??
SophiaG Posted January 9 Posted January 9 His friend is using his tinder account with his photos? And that sounds believable to you?? Either he’s a cheater and lame liar or he’s helping his friend catfishing (assuming he’s better looking than his friend). Definitely not a catch in either case. 2
Batya33 Posted January 9 Posted January 9 49 minutes ago, wtf__ said: Well basically that's where we met but then we both deleted the app(not delete the account) and we've been dating for a few months now. But then recently my friend opened my tinder and I saw my bf but his pics have been updated. When I confronted him about it he said his friend is the one using it. What do I do? I know it sounds stupid but he just sounds believable and quite honestly I wanna believe him. But at the same time not?? Somebody help with what you think?? If that was remotely true he'd have asked for permission in advance and you hopefully would have said NO. Many years ago when my future husband and I were first dating -we did not meet online - I had one or two friends ask me to log into my old dating site account to look at a profile of a man they were thinking of meeting (or a male friend would ask me same for a woman)- before I did so I'd mention to my then bf - we totally trusted each other but that way if one of his friends saw me "active" it wouldn't be an issue.
Kwothe28 Posted January 9 Posted January 9 1 hour ago, wtf__ said: But then recently my friend opened my tinder and I saw my bf but his pics have been updated. You mean you opened up your profile or asked your friend to do so to see if he is on the app again and found out he lied. Old trick some women adapted in modern dating times. You are both a terrible liars. 1
smackie9 Posted January 9 Posted January 9 OMG and you believe that? I wouldn't. If you want proof he's the one using it, find someone he doesn't know to hit him up for a date...see if he bites. 1
Coily Posted January 9 Posted January 9 Have you two talked about exlusivity? I presume you have, but sometimes implications make bad communications. Also why is your "friend" opening your tinder? Are they using your profile? That said, this is a blatant lie. 3
EitherDare10 Posted January 9 Posted January 9 Hmmm, your story seems a little suspicious too. Your "friend" opened up your Tinder? I'm sorry but you two should have both DELETED your Tinder together. Not just the app... that's practically useless. That being said... if he has his on there and updated it. Yeah, he's cheating. Dump him, save yourself the hassle. Since you both didnt delete it, his profile would still be on there unless you actively choose to hide it. But updated profile means that brother is using it. Run. 2
rainbowsandroses Posted January 9 Posted January 9 1 hour ago, Coily said: Have you two talked about exlusivity? ^^Same question. 1
MissCanuck Posted January 9 Posted January 9 2 hours ago, wtf__ said: But then recently my friend opened my tinder Why did your friend go on your Tinder? 2 hours ago, wtf__ said: I saw my bf but his pics have been updated. When I confronted him about it he said his friend is the one using it. What do I do? I know it sounds stupid but he just sounds believable No, it actually doesn't sound even remotely believable. Why would his friend have gone into his profile and updated his photos? Sorry, girl. He's full of equine manure. 1
rainbowsandroses Posted January 9 Posted January 9 1 hour ago, EitherDare10 said: if he has his on there and updated it. Yeah, he's cheating. Dump him, save yourself the hassle. Since you both didnt delete it, his profile would still be on there unless you actively choose to hide it. But updated profile means that brother is using it. Run. Hmm, not to ruffle feathers. but I'm not sure where this^ comes from since you and the gal you've been seeing for 3.5 months both have active dating profiles, you have two! And admittedly you're crazy about her! 😅 I get you're not exclusive, we don't know if OP and her guy are either or how long they've been seeing each other. OP can you clarify? Regardless, his response sounds like complete and utter BS.
EitherDare10 Posted January 9 Posted January 9 57 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: Hmm, not to ruffle feathers. but I'm not sure where this^ comes from since you and the gal you've been seeing for 3.5 months both have active dating profiles, you have two! And admittedly you're crazy about her! 😅 I get you're not exclusive, we don't know if OP and her guy are either or how long they've been seeing each other. OP can you clarify? Regardless, his response sounds like complete and utter BS. Umm because she is very much not my GF and we are not exclusive lol. The OP title says "Her boyfriend".... so unless they are in an open-relationship... that would mean exclusive to me. So if OP comes back and says they are in an open-relationship then I will recant my statement.
rainbowsandroses Posted January 9 Posted January 9 1 hour ago, EitherDare10 said: Umm because she is very much not my GF and we are not exclusive lol. The OP title says "Her boyfriend".... so unless they are in an open-relationship... that would mean exclusive to me. So if OP comes back and says they are in an open-relationship then I will recant my statement. Ok, but when I'm regularly dating a man and it's still early and we haven't yet discussed exclusivity, for ease of reference, I sometimes refer to him as my "boyfriend." Such labels don't mean that much to me tbh. That's why @Coilyand I asked, to be certain. That said, it kinda sucks regardless of whether they had the exclusivity talk. If you're regularly dating and spending time together, being sexually intimate etc, it's like you said on your thread, it's a bit of a gut punch to discover they have an active updated dating profile. 1
EitherDare10 Posted January 9 Posted January 9 22 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: Ok, but when I'm regularly dating a man and it's still early and we haven't yet discussed exclusivity, for ease of reference, I sometimes refer to him as my "boyfriend." Such labels don't mean that much to me tbh. That's why @Coilyand I asked, to be certain. That said, it kinda socks regardless of whether they had the exclusivity talk. If you're regularly dating and spending time together, being sexually intimate etc, it's like you said on your thread, it's a bit of a gut punch to discover they have an active updated dating profile. That does not make sense to me at all, but hey whatever lol. If OP can clarify they are not exclusive then it's a whole different story. Oh yeah for sure it was for me. Was not something I didn't know though, so much as actually seeing it... kind of made it more real I guess. Although also hurt a little more being it was extremely recent photos... like within the last few weeks. But if my "GF" had an updated dating profile... yeah she would be gone. Heck, my GF of near 5 years (old GF) had a Bumble back in the day, for friends. Pretty common for girls to use to meet new lady friends. Til I found out she was exchanging nudes with other women. That hurt a lot.
rainbowsandroses Posted January 9 Posted January 9 53 minutes ago, EitherDare10 said: That does not make sense to me at all, 53 minutes ago, EitherDare10 said: Oh yeah for sure it was for me. You realize these^ two comments contradict each other? On one hand, you're saying if they haven't discussed exclusivity, then it's a "whole different story" which I interpret to mean it's OK to be on a dating app? On the other hand, even though you and your gal haven't discussed exclusivity, seeing she has an active dating app was a gut punch. You have one (or two) as well so seeing yours may have been a gut punch for HER too! Which I understand, it would be for me as well. Why? Because there are feelings and emotions involved regardless of whether or not you've had some formal exclusivity talk. One doesn't need to get angry about it and it's not cheating, but it hurts which is what our OP may and probably is feeling. Hopefully, it makes sense to you now. 😀 P.S. If they have discussed exclusivity, then he cheated, next. His lame excuse may be reason to next as well. For me personally, I have zero tolerance for BS. If you disagree, we can certainly agree to disagree, it's jmo as always.
EitherDare10 Posted January 9 Posted January 9 38 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said: You realize these^ two comments contradict each other? On one hand, you're saying if they haven't discussed exclusivity, then it's a "whole different story" which I interpret to mean it's OK to be on a dating app? On the other hand, even though you and your gal haven't discussed exclusivity, seeing she has an active dating app was a gut punch. You have one (or two) as well so seeing yours may have been a gut punch for HER too! Which I understand, it would be for me as well. Why? Because there are feelings and emotions involved regardless of whether or not you've had some formal exclusivity talk. One doesn't need to get angry about it, but it hurts which is what our OP may and probably is feeling. Hopefully, it makes sense to you now. 😀 Nah not really. Like if I were to meet a girl at... lets say a bar, and we hit it off. We start seeing eachother and have gone on a few dates and it seems to be going well. But we are not officially a thing. It would sting a little to then log-on to a dating app to see her on there with a recent photo. Definitely not wrong of her but doesn't make you feel great lol. That is more similar to my case, only mine very clearly stated we are not official. If it's your actual BF/GF doing that, when you are in an exclusive relationship, yeah that's much worse IMO. But yes, if my casual situation saw my dating profile and felt a little gut punch, that would be fair for her. BUT there is no logical reason she could hold it against me, bc we are not officially together. In fact, she was the one who started the whole "Not looking for serious"... whereas I was very open to that when she told me that.
rainbowsandroses Posted January 9 Posted January 9 30 minutes ago, EitherDare10 said: If it's your actual BF/GF doing that, when you are in an exclusive relationship, yeah that's much worse IMO. ^^Totally agree because they broke trust and cheated! And that not only hurts but it would also make me incredibly pissed off! If no talk, while there was no deception or cheating going on, it still hurts because of the emotions invested assuming we've been dating for awhile and sexually intimate. Maybe it's different for women, or at least for me, but I don't have sex casually or take it lightly. It means something, regardless of whether there's been a formal exclusivity talk. If we just began dating, with only a few dates and no sex, I wouldn't care if he was on an app. That is why context is so important! However in this case OP referred to him as her "boyfriend," they've been dating a few months. I assume having sex. Even if no exclusivity talk, if this were me, because of the emotions invested, not to mention his utterly lame excuse, it would be a NEXT. We're simply not on the same "page." Perhaps the OP will return and answer the questions that have been asked by several people.
HeartGoesOn Posted January 9 Posted January 9 It' a classic excuse used mainly on social media sites in an attempt to cover their tracks in the event of a S.O. finding out. He's obviously lying (IMO). You're better off addressing this in order to show that you refuse to be played for a fool. 1
yogacat Posted January 9 Posted January 9 6 hours ago, wtf__ said: When I confronted him about it he said his friend is the one using it. He's not being truthful. Honestly, the lines some people feed are so silly. 1
spinstermanquee Posted January 10 Posted January 10 This reminds me of kid stuff lying when caught - "it's not my __________, it's [my friend's]" 1
Sindy_0311 Posted January 10 Posted January 10 20 hours ago, wtf__ said: we both deleted the app(not delete the account) What’s the purpose of deleting the app on your phone but not the account? He updated the photos, so he is clearly using it. Why would his friend change the pictures? He makes you believe he is exclusive because he deleted the app but I presume he is still redownloading it whenever he is alone and swiping on other potential girls. And then he deletes or hides the app for a few days. I suggest you don’t say anything, you take a step back, give him some space and see whether he is willing to pursue you and come to his own realization that he did something wrong. Also, download the app and go meet other guys if you want to since you are clearly not in an exclusive relationship at this point. 1
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