Single and lonely

[manny1]

Hi all, don't know if this is the right place but feel like I just need to get this off my chest. I got divorced from my ex-wife 3 years ago. Had a couple of short term relationships this last year which ended. Recently I have been feeling quite lonely. I live on my own, most of my friends are married with kids and I struggle to get them to meet up as they have other priorities now. Whenever we do meet up I am the only single one and naturally the conversations turn to other peoples family life, issues with kids, schools etc. I just feel completely left out and that just reinforces how lonely I feel recently. To make things worse I've been having a crush on a co-worker who isn't single and I wouldn't do anything to pursue anything but I can't avoid her as we have to work closely and this doesn't help matters. I've tried doing activities and ask my other friends to join and they either never reply or just tell me they can't make it so I end up just doing things on my own or taking myself on solo holidays.  Not sure if I'm looking for advice or just wanting to release some pent up feelings. Thanks  

[Batya33]

Can you get involved in a singles meetup situation? How about volunteering backstage at a church or community theater? A number of my friends have met dates/friends/serious partners this way. How about swing dancing or salsa dancing classes? I'm sorry you feel lonely.

[yogacat]

You're lonely if you attach something to yourself, to the theme of this paragraph, which fills you with guilt. Otherwise you will always be grieving the loss of a sadly loving partner which has bound your very fingers in cremation ceremony, Kali Ma.

Evoking the words of Buddha, "When you're lonely hug a tree."

The way we cope tells us about ourselves.

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely and I hope the tides turn in your favor. 🌻

[ShySoul]

Feel free to vent as much as you want. It's good to get it out there and off your chest.

I'm also single and am surrounded by people in relationships or married with children. It can be a lonely and depressing. You feel like you are missing out on something important, like you have nothing to contribute to the conversation. And it just reinforces all the sad and negative thoughts you already had. It's rough and I'm sorry you are feeling that way.

I've learned to counter being lonely by simply focusing on me. I've just embraced being who I am and doing what I love. I'm always around me. So if I love myself and am doing the things I find fun which make me happy, then that counteracts most of the lonliness. Sure, you'll still get down at times. But most of the time you will just be happy to do your own things. There's freedom in a broken heart and in being single - the freedom to pursue anything you might like to try doing.

I also second the notion of volunteering. The sense of joy and fulfillment in giving back can make a huge difference in your mood. It can help you start thinking more positive instead of dwelling on the negative. Plus you are likely to meet good peope which will help you feel less alone in the world.

Hoping you feel better. If you want to talk about anything, feel free to reach out. We're here for you.

[extrox]

I'm sorry you are feeling that way but you have to understand that it is perfectly normal for you to feel like that. If you can't find enough pleasure with your own company I would find activities where you can meet other people. Relationships, friends or girlfriends/boyfriends, start mostly when both partner find a common goal or motivation.

Whe you meet your friends and their families, instead of putting yourself apart (or feeling like it) try to find some interest in their problems. Even if you don't have any experience in family living (with kids and all that comes with it) many times the oppinion of an "outsider" is a valuable one. Believe me, I've been there...🙂 

[Coily]

Being the only single guy in a group of friends can be maddening. Heck being single can be maddening. While it's easy to say go out and break into different groups or venues; unfortunately you have a history with people you consider friend, and that's never easy to break away from.

My suggestion is have a chat with one of your closer friends about it. A good friend will listen and not go into the "well my wife says about the kids X or Y." Maybe plan something down the road that is more of a get away, not just a big group.

I will also say being single and going out on your own in the US is a lot rougher than in say Europe. Always treated as you're an inconvenience to a hotel or restaurant, when they'd rather get that couple's cash. So I changed how I travel for vacation, to one that is more camping based (not for everyone).

Don't be afraid to try new things, and it's okay to not be happy being single; just don't let it make you miserable.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Coily said:

Being the only single guy in a group of friends can be maddening. Heck being single can be maddening. While it's easy to say go out and break into different groups or venues; unfortunately you have a history with people you consider friend, and that's never easy to break away from.

My suggestion is have a chat with one of your closer friends about it. A good friend will listen and not go into the "well my wife says about the kids X or Y." Maybe plan something down the road that is more of a get away, not just a big group.

I will also say being single and going out on your own in the US is a lot rougher than in say Europe. Always treated as you're an inconvenience to a hotel or restaurant, when they'd rather get that couple's cash. So I changed how I travel for vacation, to one that is more camping based (not for everyone).

Don't be afraid to try new things, and it's okay to not be happy being single; just don't let it make you miserable.

 I went to club med singles resorts by myself. Had a blast each time. 

[ShySoul]

On 1/8/2025 at 2:14 PM, manny1 said:

so I end up just doing things on my own or taking myself on solo holidays.

There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with doing anything you want to do. If you want to stay in, do it. If you want to go somewhere on your own, do it. External validation and having to depend on others isn't going to really fulfill you. In the end, we all have to be happy with ourselves.

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-be-happy-alone#first-steps

[TeeDee]

In addition to finding a romantic partner you also need to find some new friends who are also single.  Try joining some kind of group for camaraderie like Elks, the Moose, the Lions, Rotary or the local volunteer fire department.