Help, dreading confronting/breaking up with my bf!!

[fruitapus]

I made the decision last night that I need to break up with my bf of 2 yrs. He has been wonderful to me, and everyone said they have never seen me happier. He is so affectionate and caring and treats me like a princess. Everyone loves him because he's fun to be around.

 

The problem: over the last month or so, communication between us dropped dramatically. He used to call every night, but he got in trouble calling from work so he had to stop. Suddenly he began texting me, which he never did before. But it would just be "I miss you" or "I love you" and it's hard to believe he'd risk his job sneaking his cell phone in for one 3 word message every couple days. He used to email every couple days, now its every couple weeks. And on his nights off, he never makes plans with me, until the last minute he might call and invite me over to cook out. I used to know what his plans were every night he was off, now I have no idea because he stopped calling.

 

I mentioned that I don't hear from him as much, and he got really defensive and said we see each other all the time, more than he has ever spent with any other gf. I was a little hurt. And lately he's gotten really emotional and cried and said he loved me so much, but he's nothing but a piece of crap, and I'm going to find Mr. Right, and it's going to break his heart.

 

So my gut reaction is that something is going on. There is a pair of women's sunglasses on top of his fridge. I looked at a pile of pictures (they were laying out by the TV, didn't need to snoop) and found one of him and a woman (probably an ex, there was a whole book of pics under it of the two of them, but they look much younger) She must have come to visit him in November while I was living away for 6 months for work. The problem is the date on the picture corresponds to a fishing trip he was supposed to have gone on with his friends, so now I don't trust anything he says. He doesn't look "cuddly" with her in the pic, so that's some comfort.

 

Then Sunday morning I did a really bad thing, I saw his cell phone laying out while he was sleeping, and his inbox is full of 9 texts that I didn't send. I didn't know how to run his phone, so all I could see was the first few words of each one, and no name or date. But they said "I can see you anytime...." "Babe UR driving me crazy...." so definitely a girl that he is seeing, or just met. I felt horrible for snooping, but better because at least I knew the truth, that it wasn't me he was texting all night at work. I had to leave to meet my family, and he was sleeping, and I just looked at him and felt so sick. I've been a weepy mess ever since.

 

Of course I don't want to tell him I snooped and found all this stuff, but I have to say something. He could deny everything and tell me I'm being insecure for no reason, and there won't be anything I can do.

 

I truly think he loves me, he's just really messed up and needs constant attention and reassureance. He used to be a gorgeous model, now he's aging a bit and he's taking it all hard. Of course he still looks good to me!!

 

Now he's on a fishing trip and won't be back until Wednesday (this one I believe, I was there when his friend called and set it all up) and then we work opposite shifts, so I don't know when I'll actually be able to talk to him. We were supposed to go camping this coming weekend, now I don't know what I want to do. I'm afraid if I see him, he'll be sweet and reassuring. This is the first time I've ever fallen in love with a player, so I feel like a fool.

 

I refuse to share his time with another woman, I am way too good for that! I just need help figuring out what to say, and how to end it. I've never dumped a guy I still loved, and it's going to be so hard.....

[reflectionlessmirror]

You really do need to end this. You need to be #1 to someone. The reason he was saying he wasnt goo enough for you is because he knows he is a good for nothing cheat. YES it will probably bethe hardest thing you will ever have to do. You need to do it though. In a situation like this you could even end up with STD's (assuming you are sexually active)! You really need to be ready for some hard days ahead in the break up, but use your resources...this forum is one. It has helped me throuh my recent breakup very much. (And i havent called my ex once!) Keep us posted!

[fruitapus]

I've thought about the STD thing

 

Need to make an appointment with the dr. soon.

 

Also I wanted to add that he called off the last 2 saturdays to hang out at graduation parties with my family. It's so hard to believe he can sit there and talk to my mom and dad and everyone and still have another woman in his life. How can players do that??? I can't imagine it.

[reflectionlessmirror]

Shatter his world like he has shattered yours! He does not deserve you. The STD factor will keep you from wanting to talk to him after you break up with him. When you get sad and miss the good things just imagine his pickle turning purple and falling off! \ Really he must be heartless to make you have to go to your parties alone. I really dont like him.

[benevolent]

Just say "game over playa".

 

It just makes me so crazy sometimes to know that there are there are guys who will continually treat trash like queens and get nothing for it and then there are those who treat queens like they deserve to be treated and then end up messing up by doing something like cheating.

 

Blows my mind.

 

Anyway, time for an odd Monday night date.

[lonelyandblue]

Please take it from me, when a guy says

said he loved me so much, but he's nothing but a piece of crap, and I'm going to find Mr. Right, and it's going to break his heart.

 

that this is a sign he isn't right for you. If he was, he'd be happy to know you and would never risk losing you by sounding like a loser. This is his invite for you to end it.

[itry]

listen to urself....

 

something IS going on. lose him quick before u fall too deep... im sorry to hear about this and good luck to u

[kate111]

Just tell him you happened to see the messages as his phone was just lying there. Then no contact.

 

What a jerk.

[patience]

It sounds like this relationship is already over...he hardly gives you any attention!

[fruitapus]

Not really, he did call off to hang at my family events. So that just adds to the confusion.

 

The worst part now is waiting to actually do it. I could send an email, but then I'd be on pins and needles till he actually got it. But I really don't think I want to go camping with him this weekend after all this.

[kate111]

Say it to his face as soon as possible.

 

There wont be a right moment to say it, just say it anyways.

 

Start off something like this "I need to talk to you about something"

 

Let us know how it goes

[fruitapus]

By the way, I am a HORRIBLE communicator, and a conflict-avoider, so this is going to be really bad.

 

If he thinks we are going camping, then I'll see him Friday, otherwise who knows when I'll see him next.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

You know, you needn't feel bad about snooping. There's absolutely nothing wrong with potecting yourself, and that's all you were doing.

 

It's sad, but all the excuses in the world won't change the fact that this guy is a conceited, insecure liar who, if you stay with him, will make you miserable or give you an STD.

 

Ditch him now. However you want to do it. But just do it.

[Mr. B]

You know, you needn't feel bad about snooping.

 

That's bull****!

 

I can't say whether something is up or not, but you're still violating his privacy and disrespecting him. If you don't trust him, you've no business with being with him anyway.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

That's bull****!

 

I can't say whether something is up or not, but you're still violating his privacy and disrespecting him. If you don't trust him, you've no business with being with him anyway.

 

I disagree. She has the right to protect herself. She followed her intuition and bingo! turned out to be right. She knew something was up and she did the right thing. Was he respecting her when he cheated on her? When he wasted her time while screwing someone else? She DID trust him, until he gave her a reason not to.

 

But you're right about one thing. Without trust, you shouldn't be with someone.

 

And another thing; I don't mean to excuse wholesale snooping just because someone is insecure. But given the sudden change in this relationship, she knew something was out of whack. There are signs that go along with cheating, and that's one of them.